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Billy Madison Quotes

Total quotes: 8
“O’Doyle: [Throws the dodgeball at Billy as he walks on to the playground]

Billy Madison: [Catches the ball one-handed] Now you’re all in big, BIG trouble.”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: dodgeball, big trouble
“3rd Grader: Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl.

Billy Madison: Kid can’t even read.

Ernie: Cut it out, dude, you’re gonna get us in trouble.

Billy Madison: T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: Stuttering, bullying
“No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: chlorophyll, Making Out
“Brian Madison: You remember that spelling bee you won in the 1st grade?

Billy Madison: Oh no, you didn’t.

Brian Madison: Rock? ‘r-o-k’?

Billy Madison: Yea, so what’s your point?

Brian Madison: r-o-C-k!

Billy Madison: Ohh! The ‘C’ is silent.”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: spelling bee
“Principal: Mr. Madison, the Industrial Revolution changed the face of the modern novel forever. Discuss, citing specific examples.

[Billy clears his throat several times]

Billy Madison: Uh...OK. The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called ‘The Puppy Who Lost His Way.’ The world was changing, and the puppy was getting...bigger. [later] So, you see, the puppy was like industry. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy—‘society’—knew where to find ‘em. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.

[Long pause]

Billy Madison: Knibb High football rules!

[the crowd erupts into cheers]

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison: Okay, a simple ‘wrong’ would’ve done just fine.”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: Idiotic, insane, rambling, Incoherent
“[to Miss Lippy] Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything; he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think ‘You got a pet. You got a responsibility.’ If your dog gets lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: Little Boy, dog, Fucking, pet
“3rd Grader: How’s high school, Billy?

Billy Madison: High school is great. I mean I’m learning a lot. And all the kids are treating me very nice. It’s great.

3rd Grader: Gee, I can’t wait till I get to ‘hike’ school.

Billy Madison: [grabs 3rd grader’s face and whispers] Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: high school, Learning, Threats
“Billy Madison: Well, I made the duck blue because I’d never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one.

Miss Lippy: Well, I think it’s an excellent blue duck. Congratulations Billy, you just passed the first grade.

Billy Madison: Wow, Miss Lippy, that’s great. What do you think of that Mr. Blue Duck? [pretending to be duck] That’s quacktastic.”
— Billy Madison, Billy Madison
Tagged: boobs, double dare
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