Best Tituss Burgess Quotes

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Last night after a box of key lime wine and some shame-spiraling, I decided to give all my Barbies perms. Some of them don't have the face for it.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Meets a Drunk Lady!

shame-spiraling key lime wine barbies perms

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Girl, you need to stop, drop and roll. by which I mean stop talking, drop the subject and get me a cinnamon roll.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy Has a Weekend!

stop drop and roll cinnamon roll Rhymes

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This musical is going to be a lop. which is a flop which couldn't give an F.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy and the Beest!

flop Musical

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I should have been a doctor. I look amazing in white, my handwriting is terrible, and I love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving and then making them sit there for an hour.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Sees a Sunset!

doctor wearing white

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I am a prickly gay man. And not just because I fell into a cactus while stealing apples from a botanical garden.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy Is...Little Girl, Big City!

prickly Gay Man

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Jacqueline White: Titus, I'm going to give it to you straight.

Titus Andromedon: Gross!

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy Disrupts the Paradigm!

straight Gross heterophobia

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Black, gay and old? I'm not gonna know which box to check on the hate crime form.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1: Kimmy Kisses a Boy!

Black gay Old Hate crime

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Professor Rick: Jason just got a callback for Hamilton so we need you to cover his shift.

Titus Andromedon: Why didn't I get an audition for that? They're just prejudiced because I can't rap or walk quickly in a circle.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Goes to a Hotel!

hamilton Auditions

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I once went to an open audition and it was just a bum fight.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Drives a Car!

Audition bum fight unpleasant surprises

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Titus Andromedon: Kimbecile, what do I always say?

Kimmy Schmidt: Don't touch my dolls, they're strictly look-upons.

Titus Andromedon: Not that.

Kimmy Schmidt: Only Aladdin can pull off harem pants?

Titus Andromedon: Nor that.

Kimmy Schmidt: John Cusack got fat but I still would?

Titus Andromedon: No, get the digits! The digits! Oh, look at us, both having man problems.

Kimmy Schmidt: Is that why you've been shouting so much in the bathroom?

Titus Andromedon: No, that's because of cheese.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Walks Into a Bar!

Man Problems John Cusack Digits Aladdin Harem Pants

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Tituss Burgess Quotes

Tituss Burgess

Characters Portrayed

Total quotes (11)

Ugh, that crown I got for being prom king was so tacky I hardly even wear it anymore.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1: Kimmy Goes to School!

Last night after a box of key lime wine and some shame-spiraling, I decided to give all my Barbies perms. Some of them don't have the face for it.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Meets a Drunk Lady!

Girl, you need to stop, drop and roll. by which I mean stop talking, drop the subject and get me a cinnamon roll.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy Has a Weekend!

This musical is going to be a lop. which is a flop which couldn't give an F.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy and the Beest!

I should have been a doctor. I look amazing in white, my handwriting is terrible, and I love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving and then making them sit there for an hour.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Sees a Sunset!

I am a prickly gay man. And not just because I fell into a cactus while stealing apples from a botanical garden.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy Is...Little Girl, Big City!

Jacqueline White: Titus, I'm going to give it to you straight.

Titus Andromedon: Gross!

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy Disrupts the Paradigm!

Black, gay and old? I'm not gonna know which box to check on the hate crime form.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1: Kimmy Kisses a Boy!

Professor Rick: Jason just got a callback for Hamilton so we need you to cover his shift.

Titus Andromedon: Why didn't I get an audition for that? They're just prejudiced because I can't rap or walk quickly in a circle.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Goes to a Hotel!

I once went to an open audition and it was just a bum fight.

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Drives a Car!

— Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Walks Into a Bar!

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