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Loren Bouchard Quotes

Total quotes: 12
“We have found it. This is the prophecy. When we translate this text, we will know the identity of the anti-christ. It says... that a woman will agree to bear the child of Satan in exchange for... a Datsun 280ZX.”
— Satan (voice), Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil, Season 1: He's Not the Messiah, He's a DJ
Tagged: The Antichrist
“Hello and welcome to Bob's Burgers. The burger of the day is the 'Child Molester' —it comes with candy. Get it?”
— Louise Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Human Flesh
Tagged: Pedophile, Molestation
“My teeth are crooked. I was supposed to get braces as a kid, but my parents didn't have enough money... left over from their trip.”
— Bill (voice), Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, Season 1: Pot-Bellied Pigs
Tagged: Braces, Childhood
“I hope they're using protection because I am not taking care of that baby.”
— Louise Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Crawl Space
Tagged: birth control, Contraception
“Mr. Fischoeder: Bob, you may be the worst tenant I've ever had. And I rent space to a raccoon sanctuary! 

Bob: I know. They're next door. I've been meaning to talk to you about it.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Burger Wars
Tagged: Raccoons, Landlords, Being A Terrible Renter
“When I die I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck's face.”
— Linda Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Burger Wars
Tagged: Death Wishes
“I guess what I learned from all this is that the search is the most important part. Right, like, Brendon, when we found the cat it had rabies. So the lesson is that when you search for something, don't find it. 'Cause when you find it, it has rabies.”
— Jason Penopolis, Home Movies, Season 1: Brendon Gets Rabies
Tagged: cats, Searching
“Hey, folks, this is your co-pilot speakin'. Um, if there's an exorcist or a priest on board, could you uh please identify yourself to a member of the flight crew. Sure would appreciate it, thank you. Kinda need you to do that right away, be good. Once again, you can find the audio for Legally Blonde 2 on channel 11.”
— Co-Pilot (voice), Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil, Season 1: He's Not the Messiah, He's a DJ
Tagged: Exorcism, Legally Blonde 2
“Coach McGuirk: Hey Brendon, how come the team never carried me off the field?

Brendon: We tried, but you were too big.

Coach McGuirk: Excuse me?

Brendon: I mean, uhh... too drunk?

Coach McGuirk: Yes. Yes I was. But I tell you something Brendon, I am every day, that doesn't mean don't carry me off the field.”
— Coach John McGuirk (voice) / Brendon Small (voice), Home Movies, Season 1: Director's Cut
Tagged: Drunk
“No, no, no. I appreciate that you over-nighted them, your holiness. - Yes, I know it's expensive. - They're 2,000 years old, I know, I know! - What can I say, this is, uh, this is my fault. We went to yoga, and we had to sign up, and it was a whole- it was a... Anyway, tomorrow we'll make sure someone will be here to sign for it.”
— Special Father #1 (voice), Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil, Season 1: Dildo Factory
Tagged: yoga
“Louise: Hello and welcome to Bob's Burgers. The burger of the day is the 'Child Molester'—it comes with candy. Get it?


Hugo: [clicks teeth] Yes.



Ron: No.



Louise: Because sometimes they use candy to lure their victims...



Hugo: YES! WE GET IT!”
— Louise Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Human Flesh
Tagged: Child Molestation, Candy From Strangers
“Dr. Katz: And so is that why you stopped smoking?

Bill: Yeah, well, I think I didn't wanna... you know, my father smoked a lot, and, uh... he's been smoking for years. He tried to quit, you know, he tried everything, you know, he tried hypnosis, and it didn't really take, and then he tried that thing with all the needles, what do they call that... heroin.

 [pause] He LOVES it.”
— Dr. Katz (voice) / Bill (voice) , Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, Season 1: Pot-Bellied Pigs
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