Leah Quotes

Total quotes (7)

Leah

Leah

Fictional Character

Spouse Jacob

Portrayed by Olivia Thirlby

Trending Shows

Total quotes (7)

But then you're gonna get, like, huge, and your chest is gonna 'milktate,' and you're gonna have to, like, tell people that you're pregnant.

— Leah (Olivia Thirlby), Juno

Huge pregnant milktate Breast Milk

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Juno: They have ads for parents?

Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.' Right next to, like, Terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment and stuff. It's, like, totally legit.

— Leah (Olivia Thirlby), Juno

Ads Parents spawn Terriers iguanas Legit

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The Devil is real. And he's not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. Because he's a fallen angel, and he used to be God's favorite.

— Leah, American Horror Story, Murder House: Piggy, Piggy

devil Lucifer God's Favorite Fallen Angels

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I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out?

— Leah (Olivia Thirlby), Juno

Baby claws scratch Vagina

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Juno: I just, like, don't want to give the baby to a family that describes themselves as 'wholesome.' Well, I don't know, I just want something a little more edgier.

Leah: Okay, well what did you have in mind?

Juno: I was thinking more, like, graphic designer, mid-thirties, you know, with a cool Asian girlfriend who, like, dresses awesome and rocks out on the bass guitar. But I don't want to be too particular.

— Juno and Leah (Olivia Thirlby), Juno

humor Friendship Funny pregnant Family

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Juno: I'm pregnant.

Leah: What? Honest to blog?

Juno: Yeah. Yeah, it's Bleeker's.

Leah: It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?

Juno: No, this is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.

Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? That's amazing.

Juno: I don't know, I drank like, ten tons of Sunny D... Anyway dude, I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier.

Leah: Is this for real? Like, for real for real?

Juno: Unfortunately, yes.

Leah: Oh my GOD. Oh shit! Phuket, Thailand!

Juno: There we go. That was kind of the emotion that I was searching for on the first take.

— Juno, Juno

humor Friendship Funny pregnant News

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Ultrasound Technician: I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here and it's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.

Juno: How do you know I'm so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?

Leah: Or, like, stage parents.

Bren: They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass step-daughter would. Have you considered that?

Ultrasound Technician: I guess not.

Bren: What is your job title exactly?

Ultrasound Technician: I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.

Bren: Well, I'm a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.

Ultrasound Technician: Excuse me?

Bren: Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So why don't you go back to night school in Mantino and learn a real trade.

Juno: Bren! You're a dick! I love it!

— Ultrasound Technician, Juno, Leah and Bren, Juno

Family humor Pregnancy Trades Special

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Related quotes to Leah tagged Huge, Pregnant, Humor

Martin: Oh, Sherry took her sister to that store across the street to buy some 'foundation garments.'

Frasier: I think they call them 'bras' now.

Martin: Not these, you don't. You could cross the River Kwai on one of those babies.

— Martin Crane (John Mahoney), Frasier, Season 5: The Kid

foundation garments Bras Huge Hyperbole examples River Kwai

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Poovey: I can never unsee him naked.

Archer: I mean, the size of that thing.

Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.

— Sterling Archer (voice) (H. Jon Benjamin), Archer, Dreamland: Ladyfingers

Naked penis Huge Umbrella Stand

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Will you still think I'm cute if I'm huge?

— Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page), Juno

Cute Huge Questions

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Martin: One minute it's just a blob in some lady's stomach, the next minute it's a person. Blob... Person.

Frasier: The miracle of birth, summed up in one poetic phrase.

— Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer), Frasier, Season 2: Flour Child

blob pregnant Person miracle of birth Sarcasm Quotes Poetic

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Sharon: Guys? My water just broke.

Peralta: Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one- oh, you mean your body water! That's much worse!

— Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg), Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Ava

pregnant Water Broke Delievery

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You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.

— Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera), Juno

seem Appearance pregnant

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Getting fitted isn’t a one-time deal for anyone. Getting the perfect letter and number fit does not stop there. You can find the perfect bra, but then you get pregnant, you get your period, you go through menopause, you lose or gain weight.

— Adore Me, The Expert Bra Tips That’ll Change Everything

Bras fitting pregnant period

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Dr. Cox: And Gandheroo, I need you to talk to a young, pregnant black girl who will not let me call her mom.

Turk: Why would she listen to me?

Dr. Cox: I may have told her that you were Kanye West.

— Perry Cox (John C. McGinley), Scrubs, Season 5: My Own Personal Hell

Kanye West Listening celebrity young pregnant

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Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke.

— Kawaii_Desu-Chan, Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies

pregnant Pregnancy athlete comedian

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Mom...I'm pregnant.

— Rory Gilmore (Alexis Bledel), Once Upon a Time, Season 4: Fall

Final Words pregnant mother Daughter

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Are you part of the conspiracy? Are you all doing this because you think l'm chubby? My doctor says l retain water like a pregnant woman in a humid climate, which is a real condition.

— Max Blum (Adam Pally), Happy Endings, Season 1: Your Couples Friends & Neighbors

pregnant fat chubby Water Medical Condition

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Frank: You were always grabbin' at me!

Marie: I was pregnant with a 14-pound baby! I needed help getting up!

— Marie Barone (Doris Roberts), Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 4: The Can Opener

grabbing pregnant help Baby

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Third shag today, Mama Bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it.

— Rollo (Rainn Wilson), Juno

Mama Bear pregnant nicknames for pregnant

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What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

— Unknown, 30 Dumb Blonde Jokes That Will Actually Make You LOL

Dumb Blonde Jokes pregnant Lightbulb Jokes

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Hey! Everybody! These two have an announcement to make! Guys? (Craig and Manny keep quiet) Oh, they're way too modest. So I'll help spread the joy. These two idiots are pregnant! That's right, because it's way to difficult to use a condom!

— Ashley Kerwin (Melissa McIntyre), Degrassi, Season 3: Accidents Will Happen (2)

pregnant idiots

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I'm terrified that I'm going to make a hundred wrong decisions to keep you guys from living the perfect lives that you deserve, but I will protect you fiercely, and I will always sing to you when you can't sleep, and I will always be excited to hear you laugh.

— Rebecca, This Is Us, Season 1: The Big Day

Children pregnant babies

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How do you win an argument? Be pregnant. That’s it! You’re done.

— Unknown, 25 Brilliant Jokes About Pregnancy (Because Every Pregnant Woman Needs To LOL)

dad jokes pregnant

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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ‘I wonder if it’s mine.’

— Unknown, 30 Dumb Blonde Jokes That Will Actually Make You LOL

Dumb Blonde Jokes pregnant

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