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Jason Mantzoukas Quotes

Total quotes: 14
“My bros and I are developing a shitstorm worth of extreme sports, like 'breakball,' 'golf punch,' and 'peep-kour.'”
— Jay Bilzerian, Big Mouth, Season 1: Sleepover
Tagged: Golf Punch, Peep Kour, Breakball
“My dad says when you take into account maternity leave, you do get equal pay.”
— Jay Bilzerian, Big Mouth, Season 1: Ejaculation
Tagged: Stupid, Stupid Jay, Ironic
“If I was gonna fuck a turkey, I would warm it up, like a goddamn gentleman!”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Sex, Turkey, Warm, Gentleman
“I crave emotional intimacy. Because my parents have a no-touch policy with me. So I don't really feel human contact at all.”
— Jay Bilzerian, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Pornscape
Tagged: No-Touch Policy
“Gay Town sounds fun, but I've thought a lot about it, and I belong in Biami. ”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Rankings
Tagged: gay, Bi, sexuality
“I may have bitten off more than I can fuck.”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Bitten off more than I can chew , Sex
“Just jerk yourself off and get your shit together!”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Jerk Off, Advice, upset
“Boys are animals, full of cum and fury.”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: boys, Animals, cum, fury
“She was your friend, then she was your lover, now she's your enemy.”
— Jay Bilzerian, Big Mouth, Season 1: Am I Gay?
Tagged: Breaking Up, Exes, When It Goes Bad With Your Ex
“I'm like Young Sheldon, if he fucked.”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: The ASSes
Tagged: Young Sheldon, Simile Examples
“My balls are about to shit.”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: balls, dramatic
“Teach me the ways of your kingdom.”
— Jay Bilzerian, Big Mouth, Season 4: Four Stories About Hand Stuff
Tagged: Teach, Kingdom
“You guys realize DNA is a hoax created by gay scientists, right?”
— Jay Bilzerian, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Pornscape
“Jay: I 100% fuck my pillow. First, I make a slit. Not too long, careful as to not rip the edges, making what I call 'the husband stitch'. Then, I take two Ziploc bags and I fill them with Amy's Organic Lentil Soup, which I microwave to exactly 98. 6 degrees not enough to burn you, but just enough to feel warm and inviting. Then I place them in the slit of the pillow. There's another slit in the back, but that's only for my birthday.

Maury: This kid might be a genius.”
— Jay Bilzerian, Big Mouth, Season 1: Sleepover
Tagged: pillows, This Kid Is A Genius
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