David Walpert Quotes

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David Walpert

David Walpert

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Total quotes (9)

I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is like a unique experience.

— Schmidt (Max Greenfield), New Girl, Season 1: (TV Series 2011– )

Sex unique Variety

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Listen, if you shit the bed on this one, you are going to get a one-way ticket right back to whatever bum-fuck whistle stop you came from and are working so hard to scrub from your existence.

— Marty Kaan (Don Cheadle), House of Lies, Season 1: Utah

Failure one-way ticket Existence

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Your words can't hurt me. Not here. Uh-uh. Not in the most majestic city in the world. God, where the Eiffel Tower is a stone's throw from a Venetian gondola.

— Doug Guggenheim (Josh Lawson), House of Lies, Season 2: When Dinosaurs Ruled the Planet

Las Vegas Majestic city Eiffel Tower Money

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Douglas, did someone sprinkle a little extra pussy in your cereal this morning?

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 2: Til Death Do Us Part

Sassy Vagina Called Out cereal

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Tickets to the museum will cost you 15 bucks, but as the poster out the front says: it's worth the Monet.

— Doug Guggenheim (Josh Lawson), House of Lies, Season 2: When Dinosaurs Ruled the Planet

Monet Money play on words Tickets Art Artists

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Viva Las Vegas, baby! Or should I say viva lost wages?

— Doug Guggenheim (Josh Lawson), House of Lies, Season 2: When Dinosaurs Ruled the Planet

Las Vagas play on words lost wages Money

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Guys I'm straight on fire today.

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 1: Utah

On fire Doing Well killing it

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You know, maybe to be safe you just shouldn't say anything at all.

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 2: When Dinosaurs Ruled the Planet

Sassy Safe say anything talking

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We’re weirdos. But that’s who we are. And that’s fine.

— Jessica "Jess" Day (Zooey Deschanel)

Weirdo unique Self-Acceptance

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Related quotes to David Walpert tagged Sex

Love is friendship. Just with less clothes, which makes it far more brilliant.

— Elizabeth Hunter, A Hidden Fire

Sex Love Friendship

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When you let them do it to you, you're really doing it to them.

— Amma Crellin (Eliza Scanlen), Sharp Objects, Season 1: Cherry

Sex Dating Men My aesthetic

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Elaine: All right, let’s go, I’ll give you half an hour.

Jerry: You’re serious?

Elaine: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.

Jerry: Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 5: The Mango

Sex Sex and Friendships

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You got some of that mermaid puss.

— Rick Sanchez (voice) (Justin Roiland), Rick and Morty, Season 3: The Ricklantis Mixup

Mermaid Sex Vagina

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60 for the resonator, and my grandson wants the sex robot.

— Rick Sanchez (Justin Roiland), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Raising Gazorpazorp

Sex Robot coming of age hormones

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Jerry: It sounds like you're about to say Jacob is your lover.

Leonard Smith: No, no, no. Jacob is your mother's lover. I watch them. Sometimes from a chair, sometimes from a closet. Almost always dressed as Superman.

— Jerry Smith (voice) (Chris Parnell), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Anatomy Park

Lovers Parents Watching Sex Chair Peeping Superman

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Sex is not a tragedy, it's a comedy!

— Camille Paglia, Camille Paglia on Hugh Hefner's Legacy, Trump's Masculinity and Feminism's Sex Phobia

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Don't let your emotions completely obscure the barbaric roots of the sexual act. Don't lose touch with the seeds of our animal nature.

— Frank Gallagher (William H. Macy), Shameless, Season 3: The Helpful Gallaghers

Sex Humans and Animals

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Old flames, they can't warm you tonight.

— Vampire Weekend, Don't Lie (Modern Vampires of the City)

Old Flames Warm Metaphor Examples Sex make you feel whole

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Remember when the new Star Wars movie came out? It was all built up, and when people finally saw it, it wasn't that great in bed?

— John 'J.D.' Dorian (Zach Braff), Scrubs, Season 1: My Drug Buddy

Sex Expectations good in bed Star Wars Insecure

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It’s messy,
but so are the best burritos
and the best sex
while eating burritos
and running with scissors
is the only way to make danger understand

— Bob Hicok, Verve Is to Élan What Kissing Is to Kissing Longer | Narrative Magazine

My Favorites Messy Mess Burritos Sex Messy Love poem Poetry

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Beth: When two people create a life together, they set aside their previous lives as individuals.

Jerry: Gimme a break! We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.

— Jerry Smith (voice) (Chris Parnell), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Rixty Minutes

Marriage Sex Unprotected Sex Prom Night

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Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

— Wes Bergmann, via twitter.com

Elevator Jokes Sex Amazing Puns Greatest Puns Best Puns of All Time Puns Funny Quotes Elevator Sex

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If Teen Vogue wants to talk to girls abt sex it could start w a diagram of female anatomy that includes a clitoris.

— Nancy Jo Sales, via twitter.com

Teen Vogue Corporate wokeness Patriarchy Sex

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No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom

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