Twenty 20, Danielle Gornbein

22 Little Relationship Secrets If You Want A Love That Will Last

The key to long-term relationship happiness isn't just finding the right person. Healthy couples understand that it takes much more than that. Here are some tips on how to make love (and your relationship) last.  
Mélanie Berliet
September 12, 2016
“Some days, you’ll have to try really hard to love your partner. And that’s okay.”
— Mélanie Berliet, 23 Unromantic Realities You Have To Accept If You Want Lasting Love
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“It’s more important to consciously choose them every single day than it is to believe that you were simply ‘meant to fall in love.’ Whether you realize it or not, you’re the one that decided to take this leap with them – you’re not just a passive pawn on Fate’s chessboard.”
— Kim Quindlen, 18 Unromantic Truths About Love You Should Accept Right Now If You Want A Strong Relationship
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, longterm happiness, Couples
“Loving someone means caring enough to give them the space they need to be an asshole or a curmudgeon some days for no apparent reason—to appreciate them when they’re at their darkest as well as their happiest. You won’t like your boyfriend or girlfriend all the time, but you won’t like yourself every day, either.”
— Mélanie Berliet, 21 Brutal Relationship Truths Healthy Couples Accept (Because They Know They Have To)
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Couples, Relationships, longterm happiness
“At a certain point in a relationship—once you’ve moved in together and your lives, including your schedules and finances, are nearly 100% intertwined—the prospect of splitting up becomes intimidatingly tedious. Breaking up might seem like a great idea in the aftermath of a nasty fight, but only until you remember what a raging headache it would be to separate from a practical standpoint.”
— Mélanie Berliet, 10 Brutally Honest Reasons Why Long-Term Couples Actually Stay Together
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“The thing about relationships is that they tend to grow stronger with time all on their own. Moments are constantly transforming into shared memories, good and bad. Nothing can stop the timeline of your existence as a couple from getting longer, day after day, or the roots of your bond from growing deeper minute by minute (unless of course you split). Things don’t always have to be going swimmingly for your relationship to strengthen. You are a unit. You are best friends. And you love the fuck out of each other—most of the time, at least.”
— Mélanie Berliet, 10 Brutally Honest Reasons Why Long-Term Couples Actually Stay Together
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Couples, longterm happiness, Relationships
“Dwelling on the bad things won’t change those things. It’s better to think of all the good times you’ve spent together.”
— John Alex Clark, 6 Ways To Avoid Getting Bored In A Relationship
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“To put it simply, love does NOT conquer all. All is a lot. It’s literally everything. To say that love conquers all is hyperbolic and misleading. It’s also a dangerous belief to hold onto because it engenders a kind of hopeful laziness. People who cling to the notion that everything will work out as long as they love their significant other tend to overlook the reality that maintaining a strong, loving relationship takes a lot of hard work. You can’t just count on your love to shield you from all the ups and downs you’ll face as a couple.”
— Mélanie Berliet, 10 Relationship ‘Truths’ You Have To Let Go Of If You Want Lasting Love
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, longterm happiness, Couples
“The only way to lasting fulfillment in a relationship is by offering my love freely without expecting anything in return for it.”
— Bryan Reeves, The 3 Stages of Love (Where Are You?)
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“Be nice to each other. For the vast majority of couples that come to see me, this is their first homework assignment, and it almost always helps in a significant way. If you’ve been at odds with each other, you have probably stopped doing nice things for one another. Keep opening doors, making nice meals, and saying, ‘I love you.”
— Barton Goldsmith, 10 Proven Ways to Make Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“Silly little tradition that works for us: He tucks me in every night. I go to bed earlier than he does so I can wake up earlier for work, so he'll pull the covers over me, turn down the lights and TV, lie with me for a minute, and give me a little hug. It's a nice quiet moment that reminds us how much we love, and like, each other … and that a little cuddling can go a long way.”
— Anonymous Woman, 20 Genius Tips for Making Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“Focus on Haves, Not Have-Nots. Energy flows where attention goes. Remember why you fell in love, why you chose your beloved. Focus on what you have, and it will expand. What you appreciate appreciates in value.”
— Marcy Cole, Relationship Advice: 10 Tips to Make Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Couples, Relationships, longterm happiness
“An effective strategy to effect positive growth and transformation in your relationship is to ‘be the change’ you want to see. If you want more of ‘something,’ start with giving what you want to receive. If you want more patience, be patient. If you want more affection, express your love more demonstratively.”
— Marcy Cole, Relationship Advice: 10 Tips to Make Love Last
Tagged: Love, Relationships, realistic love, longterm happiness, Couples
“If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are demanding love. If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on ‘sharing your love’ instead of ‘demanding happiness.’”
— Tiny Buddha, Why Relationships Fail: 4 Tips to Make Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“Engage in Lots of Eye Gazing — New couples seem to do this naturally, but don’t drop this strong bonding behavior just because the relationship has progressed. This is one way to keep the romance alive and is especially powerful when making love.”
— Daniel G. Amen, Twelve Ways to Make Your Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Couples, Relationships, longterm happiness
“I'm embarrassed to think of how I coped with conflict early in my relationship with Jonathan. I stormed out — a lot. I once threw an apple at his head. Hard. (Don't worry, I missed — on purpose.) I had a terrible habit of threatening divorce at the slightest provocation. But eventually I figured that this was pretty moronic. I didn't want out, and I knew that pelting someone with fruit was not a long-term marital strategy.

'Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with,' says Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., a psychologist and couples therapist in Oakland, CA, and author of After the Fight. That's because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.”
— Marjorie Ingall, 7 Steps to Happily Ever After: How to Make Your Relationship Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“While those late nights you had while dating — staying up till 2 A.M. talking, feeling too excited to sleep — don't last forever, the idea of courting your partner should never totally disappear. When we first meet people, we are very observant. We go out of our way to do small things to show them that we care. We learn all we can about them and continually try to make a good impression.”
— Stuart Fensterheim, The Secret 5 Steps To Creating A Love That Lasts Forever
Tagged: realistic love, Relationships, Love, Couples, longterm happiness
“It’s hard to think about another person before yourself, but self-sacrifice is a choice that helps love last. It can be as little as offering that last piece of chocolate in the box, or deciding to hang out with your love because she had a bad day instead of going out with your friends.

No, you shouldn’t let someone walk over you, but where it makes sense, you can choose to put their needs first sometimes.”
— Kimanzi Constable, 7 Choices That Make Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, longterm happiness, Couples
“Indeed, sustaining a long-term relationship takes effort. 'You start to gain such familiarity that you don't put the effort into paying attention to each other,' says Sheryl Kingsberg, clinical psychologist and professor in the department of reproductive biology at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio. 'The long-term couple that's the most successful is the couple that has figured out you really have to work at maintaining a relationship and maintaining romance.'”
— Rachel Pomerance Berl, How To Make Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Relationships, Love, Couples, longterm happiness
“Over the course of a long relationship, you’ll be making thousands of decisions jointly, and the conflict that can inspire is a real danger zone for couples. Dr. Josh Klapow advises that couples proactively learn how to make good joint decisions with techniques like setting a goal for the decision to be made, staying on topic, being as specific as possible, and remaining open to compromise.”
— Katherine Gustafson, 4 WAYS TO MAKE YOUNG LOVE LAST
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“The number one reason that marriages fail is the lack of communicating with each other. Couples need to make sure that they spend as much time listening as they do talking. Although we all wish our spouses could be mind readers, we have to give up that myth. Sorry! Let your spouse know what you need and want. The more specific the better. Blaming, finger pointing, accusing and all that stuff does nothing except cause your spouse to become self protective and defensive.”
— Fran Greene, How To Make Love Last
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, copules, longterm happiness
“The little moments – even if you’re both time-poor, small moments together can keep the connection strong. People often make the mistake of waiting until they go on holiday or have a romantic date-night booked for the intimacy fires to be stoked, but doing small things often means there’s always a loving glow between you.”
— Jacqui Manning, 7 WAYS TO MAKE LOVE LAST
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness
“The place to start in maintaining love is knowing your partner. Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking: ‘Dude, I’ve seen my partner practically everyday for countless years, I’ve even seen them use the bathroom! I think I know them.’ To that I would say, we can know all about a person but not really understand them until we develop some deeper empathy for them. For example, my husband is an introvert and on a surface level many people understand what that means; he gets reenergized by having time away from people. But, for the beautiful biscuit that I call a husband, being an introvert means much more. Being able to understand his perspective of introversion gives me a deeper understanding of who he is as well as a greater appreciation for his way of being in the world.”
— Adam Maurer, What Makes Love Last? Simple Ways To Improve Your Relationship
Tagged: realistic love, Love, Relationships, Couples, longterm happiness