2,218 quotes curated by Heidi Priebe:
“Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.”
Tagged:
The Office, humor
“Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.”
Tagged:
The Office, humor
“No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.”
Tagged:
The Office, humor
“To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don't know why everyone doesn't do this... Maybe they have something against living forever.”
Tagged:
The Office, humor
“Once I'm officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.”
Tagged:
The Office, humor
“I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same... except I could fly.”
Tagged:
The Office, humor
“I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran, killed twenty men, and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.”
Tagged:
The Office, humor
“Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?”
Tagged:
The Office, humor