11 Empowering Pieces Of Advice From Daniell Koepke That Will Seriously Move You
This girl knows how to lay down the truth.
Bianca Sparacino
October 1, 2016
October 1, 2016
“Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.”
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“If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, putting off homework, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favorite tv show, or doing nothing at all — give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and today, whatever you do, let it be enough. Feel your feelings, breathe, and be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can to cope and survive. And trust that during this time of struggle, it’s enough.”
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“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.”
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“Other people don’t get to invalidate your truth. They can disagree with it. They can struggle to understand it. They can carry a truth that conflicts with your own — but they don’t have the authority to tell you what your truth should or shouldn’t be. You feel what you feel and you need what you need. Those things just are. It’s how you’re wired, and it’s okay. Other people can feel and need different things — and their truth is valid in its own right — but it doesn’t discount your own. Your truth comes without judgment. It can’t be wrong because it’s yours. Not theirs; not anyone else’s. It’s yours — and it’s your right to embrace and honor it.”
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“You may feel like you’re failing at recovery because you’ve been struggling for so long — but you’re not. Recovery isn’t a straight road. It isn’t something that happens over the course of a few days or months, or even a few years. It’s a path lined with ups and downs and road blocks and dead ends. It’s difficult and painful and exhausting. And it takes time. It takes time to unlearn the negative beliefs you’ve internalized. And it takes time to learn how to exist without using the behaviors you’ve depended on your whole life to survive. So if you’re feeling stuck right now, know that this is a part of your process. Know that it’s normal and not anything you need to be ashamed of. The fact that you’re still struggling doesn’t mean you’re going to be battling this forever. It just means that you have some more work to do. And that’s okay. You aren’t broken or hopeless. You’re wounded, but you can heal. You are healing, right now. Trust that you will get to where you need to be when it’s time. You’re doing the best you can to cope and make it through each day, and it’s enough. No matter where you’re at in your recovery, you’re enough.”
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“It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.”
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“I know that there are times when you feel like you’re too much. Times when you wonder whether people would be better off without you in their lives. Times when you wonder whether you would be better off if you were someone different. Someone less intrusive. Less sensitive. Less vocal. Someone more acceptable. More tolerable. Someone easier. I understand that it’s so hard to drown out the voice telling you that there’s something wrong with who you are, but I need you to trust that you aren’t too much. I need you to trust that you deserve to be here. You don’t ever have to shrink or disappear for the sake of anyone else. You’re allowed to be immense and loud and open. You’re allowed to be unpalatable and unapologetic and uneasily defined. You’re allowed to use your voice and speak your truth. And more than anything, you’re allowed to take up space. Not despite who you are, but because of it. Because even though you might not always be able to see it, you have so many wonderful things to contribute to this world. Because you exist and therefore, you matter. Even when you’re struggling. Even when you’re difficult. Even when some people find you to be too much – you’re enough and you matter.”
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“Despite what you may have been taught, your sensitivity doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you too emotional, too soft, or in any way too much. It has always been and will always be a strength. The truth is that you can be soft and still be strong. You aren’t a rock, immune to the shift and pull of the world around you. You’re the ocean. Always ebbing and flowing; easily affected by the moon and the weather. But immense and deep. Resilient and powerful. Bounding with life.”
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“You don’t have to swallow your tears. You don’t have to hide how you feel or ignore your pain. You have to give yourself a hug, look yourself in the eyes, and say, ‘I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m hurting. And you know what? That’s okay. My feelings are valid. I’m not broken or crazy. I’m wounded. But I can heal. And I’m going to be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow or a week from now, but sometime soon, this is going to pass. And until it does, I’m going to keep taking care of myself. I’m going to talk back to the negative voice making me feel small and speak to myself with kindness. I’m going to let myself feel my feelings and do self-care. And I’m going to treat myself like a friend. Because if there’s anyone who deserves my love and affection, it’s me.‘”
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“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful and be attractive to certain people, but it’s also important to recognize that you don’t owe thinness or beauty to anyone. That isn’t your job. It isn’t some rent you pay for being female. You don’t exist for other people’s viewing pleasure. You have so much more to offer the world than how you look.”
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