“Josh: So I'm working on this new move — wet hair flip, lick, body roll... I look fat when I do that. Jamie: It's not your best.”— Himself, Josh Horner, imdb.com
“Bill McCoy: Tucker's very excited to meet you. Nucky Thompson: Most people are until they do.”— Terence Winter, Nucky Thompson, Steve Buscemi, imdb.com
“I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and then shot it.”— Brad Falchuk, Artie Abrams, Kevin McHale, imdb.com
“Al: Anyone can do what you do. Tim: Oh, really? You think you could do what I do? Al: Oh, please. How hard could it be to tell bad jokes and screw up all the time? Tim: A lot harder than it looks.”— Marley Sims, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com
“My name is Stimpy, and I am homeless, and have no fish with which to live in.”— John Kricfalusi, Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat (voice), Billy West, imdb.com
“There is no bigger loser than me!”— Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Dan O'Keeffe, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“Annihilation is always the answer. We destroy parts of ourselves every day. We Photoshop our warts away, we edit the parts we hate about ourselves, modify the parts we think people hate. We curate our identity, carve it, distill it. Krista's wrong—annihilation is all we are.”— Sam Esmail, Elliot Alderson, Rami Malek, imdb.com
“I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason; I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.”— Abraham Lincoln, en.wikiquote.org
“I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com
“I am sending you a photograph of myself at the age of seven. You will probably say to yourself, ‘Why the cigar?’ That’s a very good question. Actually, the cigar is a phony. So is this mustache and, to wrap it all up neatly, so am I.”— Groucho Marx, amazon.com
“All right. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again!”— Jennifer Crittenden, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“Look, let me just state for the record: I think you're both better than me.”— Steve Koren, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com
“A lesbian sighting. Oh-ho! My lucky day. They're so fascinating. Why is that? Because they don't want us. You gotta respect that.”— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“I don't think I'm special. My mother always said I'm not special.”— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“You know, people think I'm smart, but I'm not smart.”— Tom Leopold, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“I say stupid things all the time. I can't go two minutes without saying stupid things.”— Elaine Pope, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. I know how to destroy myself. I’m good at it.”— Garry Shandling, nytimes.com
“Do you love me? No, I’m an awkward jerk that’s been around your neck for so long you got used to it & kinda fond.”— Allen Ginsberg, amazon.com