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Quotes tagged ‘Puns’

(454 total)

Why is Anne Hathaway so popular? Because she hathaway with people.

— busfahrer, reddit.com

My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

— Scottish_Hot_Rod, reddit.com

My friend asked me why I always use pokemon puns. My only response was "Wynaut?"

— redmaddic, reddit.com

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda. When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

— MelkorHimself, reddit.com

Don't trust people who avoid the sun. They're shady.

— jozi16421, reddit.com

What do you call twin brothers? A sunset.

— lordbender_667, reddit.com

A lion would never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Wood.

— BassmasterSeth, reddit.com

Jupiter heard from Neptune that Pluto was pregnant. Jupiter said to Pluto "Congratulations! I was surprised to hear that you're expecting!" To which Pluto replied "Thanks. Yeah, I definitely didn't planet!

— CooperRAGE, reddit.com

I never win any awards or trophies because my dentist told me I should try to avoid plaque buildup.

— Donnerschildkroete, donnerschildkroete.tumblr.com

What do you call Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses.

— Grammarly, grammarly.com

Santa says you’ve been naughty You’re a ho ho ho!

— eudxmonic, eudxmonic.tumblr.com

Why does Santa Claus have no children?Answer: because he only comes once a year!

— Unknown, immortalisvita.tumblr.com

Want to jingle my bells?

— Unknown, reddit.com

What did the Spanish cop say to the other Spanish cop? ‘Police Navidad!

— Nicola Masters, 365badjokes.tumblr.com

Where do they celebrate Christmas in Star Wars? In a galaxy fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la away.

— Nicola Masters, 365badjokes.tumblr.com

WAIT are the candy canes in mint condition?

— fortsocialanxiety, fortsocialanxiety.tumblr.com

I’d make a Christmas joke, but I don’t think Yule like it.

— Unknown, dafuqindustries.tumblr.com

In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone must face the elves, the reindeer, and the forces of Christmas. She is the sleigher.

— the-uterus, the-uterus.tumblr.com

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation. ‘I think it’s raining,’ says the man. ‘No, it’s snowing,’ replies the woman. ‘How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!’ exclaims the man. ‘Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowi…

— Unknown, reddit.com

i don’t understand why people think that depression goes away on holidays?? like ho ho ho I’m still feliz navidying

— outer-space-howell, outer-space-howell.tumblr.com

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