George: Hey! There's a Cyclops! Paul: Can't be. It's got two eyes. John: Must be a 'bicycle-ops' then. Ringo: There's another one. John: A whole ‘cyclopedia'!

— Al Brodax, Jack Mendelsohn, Lee Minoff, Erich Segal, Himself, Ringo Starr, imdb.com

Another Carver building. If I didn't know better, I'd say he developed an edifice complex.

— Bruce Feirstein, James Bond, Pierce Brosnan, imdb.com

Felix Leiter: I give up. I know the diamonds are in the body, but where? James Bond: Alimentary, Dr. Leiter...

— Richard Maibaum, Tom Mankiewicz, James Bond, Sean Connery, imdb.com

What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? Feyonce.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

What is Beethoven doing now? De-composing.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV? Too much sax and violins.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Crow #1: Did you ever see an elephant fly? Crow #2: Well, I've seen a horse fly. Crow #3: Ah, I've seen a dragon fly. Crow #4: I've seen a house fly.

— Joe Grant, Crow #4, (uncredited), imdb.com

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