Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Funny Quotes’

(176 total)

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

When parents say to kids go to ur room & think about what you've done it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult.

— Pat Tobi, twitter.com

I can't believe I have to keep washing this stupid body until I die.

— Frenchielaboozi, twitter.com

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.

— Unknown Meme, onsizzle.com

I wish I could text my dog when I wasn't at home with her. Tell her I miss her. See what she's doing. Ask her to take a selfie for me.

— Violet Benson, Violet Benson, instagram.com

If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.

— Guy Endore-Kaise, twitter.com

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

— Theodor Rosyfelt, quoteinvestigator.com

I want pizza. But I don’t wanna pay for pizza. I need a pizza daddy. A papa John if you will.

— Violet Benson, instagram.com

Why do people say no offense right before they’re about to offend you?

— Anonymous, quora.com

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

— Anonymous, amazon.com

People say go big or go home, as if going home is a bad thing? Like hell yeah I wanna go home, and I’m gonna take a nap when I get there.

— Josh Ostrovsky, instagram.com

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

— Rodney Dangerfield, amazon.com

The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.

— Brian Gaar, twitter.com

Avoid unwanted pregnancies by using the 'pull out' method where you pull out an acoustic guitar at a party & no one will have sex with you.

— Brandon Gutermut, twitter.com

Ladies: Don't come off desperate and reply quickly to your crushes texts. Wait a while. Meet someone else. Get Married. Start a family. Keep him guessing.

— Violet K. Benson, instagram.com

K WWW K K&MMWWMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&K K && && K KKKKKKK WW KK WWW & &MWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&&KKK K& KKKKK KKKKK KK K KK WWW K &MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&&&&K KK K&K KKK&&&&KKK KKKKKKKKKK K KK MWWK KKMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&&& MKK KKKKKK&KKKK&&&KKKKKKK&&&KK WW KKKK WWK &M& MWWMM&MWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWMWM&KK K K &K KK KK KKK&&&&KK KKK&&KKK KM KKKK KM &WM& K&MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&K & KKKK K KKK&&K& KK&&KK MW KK K K&&MMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMK &KK K K&&&&K KKKKK&&K&&KK KKK K KK&K&&MMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&M&&&&&& &K K&&&&&K KKKK&&&&&KK WW K KKK& K&&&K&MMWWMWWWWWWWWMMWWWWWWWW&&&&KKK&K K& K&&&&K KKKKK&&&&&KKK WM KKKKKK KKKK &MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMM&& & K&&KKK KKKK&&&&&&&&&KKK KKKK WM KK KKKKKKKKK K KK &&MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&&& & KKK KK K&MM&&&&&&KKKKKKKKK K WM KK K KK K K &&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW&KWM& WWWWM &K K KK K&&&&&KKKKKKK KKKKK KK K KK K &MWMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW& KK MWW MKKKK KK&&KK KKKK KKKKKK KKKKK KKKKK K KMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWWWWWWWWW KWMWWM& W KKKKKKK&&&&KK K K KKKK KKKK K K KK&KK K MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW&WWWWWWM K& WMWWWWW W &&&&KKK&&K&KKK&&KKKK KKK K KKKK&&K K&WWWWWWWMWWM &WWWWMK WWWWWW&WK&&&KK K KK&&&&&K KMMW K &MWWWW&& &WWWWW&W& &KK K KK&&MMMMK WWWWW MMWM &WWWWWK M WWWWW W &&K KK&MMWMK M&W W &WWWWWKKW & &M& WWWW&WW &&&K KK&&K&M&K WM K WW KW KWWWWW&&MWM &WWWW& & K&&& &WW WWK&&& KKKK KK WWW KWWWWWWW&MWWW MWWWW&M&KMKK KMMMMMWMM &WW W K&&K K&K K WW MM KMWWWW&KK&M&WWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWW&K WW&W K&&K KKKKKK W &WWW MMWWMMK KKMWWWWMKK K&WWWWMM&&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW& WWMW &&& KKKK W M KWWWWWM M&WWWWWMWWWWMM& K WWWWWWMM&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW& WWMWW &&&K KK&K K W MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW& K&WWWWWWMMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW& MWWWWK&MM& K&&KK WW KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW &MWWWWWWM&&MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWMK &WWWM&MWW& KK W WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM KMWWWWWWM&&M&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&& KW W&MWWM WMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWW KMWWWWWWM&&&MMWWWWWWWWWWWWW&K && W&WWMK K&WWWWWWWWWWWWWW K KMWWWWWWM&MWMWM&MWWWWWWWWMM KM MWW& KKKKKKK KKWWWWWWWWWWWWM MMK &WWWWWWWWWWWM&WW MWWWMMMM &&KMWWWM KKKKK MWWWWWWWWWWMW& K&M&&WWWWWWWWW&K WWWW& &MM&&K W&MWWW& KKK KK MMWWWWWWWMMWWM K&MW&&&K WWWWWWWW M&MWWM K&&&&&&&&K MWWWWWK WWWWW WWWW& MWMWWM KK&&&&&&&&K MMM& KW&MWMK & WWWW& &&&MMMMMM&&& && M M K&WM & &KWWWM K&&M&&&MMMM&K &M M KMMW K& WMMM& KW K MWW&

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