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Quotes tagged ‘Funny Moments’

(37 total)

Construction Worker: [Whistles] Elle Woods: Ugh, I object!

— Karen McCullah Lutz, Kirsten Smith, Elle Woods, Reese Witherspoon, amazon.com

It has come to my attention that the maintance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin to generic.

— Karen McCullah Lutz, Kirsten Smith, Elle Woods, Reese Witherspoon, amazon.com

Hi my name is Erlich Bachman, I'm a lying fuck.

— Chris Provenzano, Dan O’Keefe, Jian Yang, Jimmy O. Yang, imdb.com

At least the actual Judas had the curtosy to kill himself after betraying his leader, Jesus Chris. He's the CEO of the world. Ever heard of him?

— Dan O’Keefe, Elrich Bachmann, T.J Miller, imdb.com

Garden in an Italian family is huge. That's where we get a lot of our food from. That night we found out there was a raccoon that was eating a lot of our tomatoes. My father was like, ya know, we're going to murder these things. Get the anti-freeze. And we make balogne sandwiches soaked in anti-free…

— Sebastian Maniscalco, imdb.com

I try to be friendly, it doesn't work.

— Sebastian Maniscalco, imdb.com

She thinks I have a mean resting face. Like when I'm not smiling or talking it looks like I could murder your family.

— Sebastian Maniscalco, imdb.com

I'd like to think maybe I would be in the hospitality business. Although, I have a bit of a problem with people.

— Sebastian Maniscalco, imdb.com

As soon I walk in, there's like 25 pairs of shoes right there in the door way. I'm walking around this guys house, with my socks on, talking to other people with their socks on. How could you have a conversation with another man, looking at their golden toe?

— Sebastian Maniscalco, imdb.com

When did it become appropriate to come out in a flip-flop and sandals for a steak dinner? I'm trying to enjoy a T-Bone and I gotta look at some guys hoof.

— Sebastian Maniscalco, imdb.com

I didn't go to high school, I bought one.

— Riff Raff, youtube.com

My biggest dream, I can't remember its so big, I can't remember it. I was in a pool of Spaghetti-O's and I was swimming in it. And a meatball got lodged in the back of my osophagus and then I woke up.

— Riff Raff, youtube.com

In high school I was balling, I would go to school but I would get kicked out because I wouldn't wear a shirt. But then they'd let me back in because they'd be like "OK we've got a fashion show so you've got to come back and show us how to put the creases in the pants."

— Riff Raff, youtube.com

The hardest part about being me is when you ball on such an exentric level its keeping your finances, your budget, on a low level. If I'm balling I'm spending like $10,000 a day, I'm like okay, that's not enough, I gotta spend $20,000 a day.

— Riff Raff, youtube.com

Its nice huh? It's like a vibrator for your butt.

— Cardi B, youtube.com

My first car was a bus pass. Straight up, I still don't have a car. I'll probably wait until I get way on and then I'll go to the Ferrari dealership and be like, "What ya'll got?"

— G Eazy, youtube.com

Wow, that's almost on par as if she had a Toshiba laptop. If she didn't have a MacBook, I'd just be like wow I gotta get out.

— G Eazy, youtube.com

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