“And no paper is more corrupt than the failing New York Times. The good news is it is failing, it won’t be around too much longer. But they are really, really bad people. The largest shareholder in the Times is Carlos Slim. Now Carlos Slim, as you know, comes from Mexico. He’s given many millions of…”— Donald Trump, time.com
“What a rigged system folks. Last night, we had a massive crowd of over 20,000 people in Cincinnati, filled up an arena. And the media won’t even talk about the size of the crowd, the enthusiasm of the crowd. I watched NBC this morning, they said, last night Donald Trump was in Cincinnati. If Hillary…”— Donald Trump, time.com
“TRUMP: Crooked Hillary is doing no more public events until after the debate. They say she’s doing debate prep but, really she’s just resting, she’s resting. AUDIENCE: Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!”— Donald Trump, time.com
“We’re going to renegotiate our disastrous trade deals and illegal immigration. Stop the massive inflow of refugees. Take care of our vets, our great vets. And we’re going to repeal and replace Obamacare, 100 percent. That is a disaster. Premiums are soaring double digits in North Carolina, beyond an…”— Donald Trump, time.com
“The incredible spirit of the people of this state will power its recovery, and it’s the same spirit that will rebuild our nation. I have property in this state, this is a great state. You know my property. Beautiful properly, great employees.”— Donald Trump, time.com
“I’m not sure I can keep up the gag of pretending that Trump has some sort of rational inner monologue. So instead, I’ll think of this question as what would keep me up late at night if I were Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s campaign manager.”— Nate Silver, fivethirtyeight.com
“If you vote for Donald Trump, you'll see something. And you'll be so happy, so thrilled.”— Donald Trump, facebook.com
“It is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to.”— Donald Trump, twitter.com
“You can go ahead, but I'll remind you guys this was a question about Korea.”— Elaine Quijano, youtube.com
“Cyber warfare is the new warfare of the asymmetrical enemies we face in this country.”— Mike Pence, youtube.com
“I have the best code, the cleanest code. It's amazing. People tell me all the time "Your code is the best." Believe me, my code is great.”— Brad Frost, twitter.com
“Trump's demands of a running mate: Slays mad puss. Can beat up hippies. Does both while singing "God Bless the USA.”— Kelly Oxford, twitter.com
“I don't know who created Pokémon Go, but I want to figure out how to get them to have Pokémon Go to the polls”— Hillary Clinton, mic.com
“Michelle's speech was so good, I want to hear it again. When is Melania doing it?”— Stephen Colbert, youtube.com
“Tim Kaine is disappointed he caught you smoking after 4th period, but he’s not gonna write you up, okay, buddy?”— Jason O. Gilbert, twitter.com
“The convention is like where someone has put down a lure, and now there's just going to be Pokémon delegates popping up everywhere. We're here trying to catch them all”— Trevor Noah, refinery29.com
“And that voting for Trump is a way of saying ‘fuck it. Fuck them all’. I really get it. It’s a version of national Suicide. Or it’s like a big hit off of a crack pipe. Somehow we can’t help it. Or we know that if we vote for Trump our phones will be a reliable source of dopamine for the next four ye…”— Louis C.K., variety.com
“Do you think last night was the first time @realDonaldTrump had heard @MELANIATRUMP speak?”— Chelsea Handler, twitter.com
“Knock knock. Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana jump off a bridge. #Election2016”— Bob Kevoian, twitter.com