Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Dirty Jokes’

(58 total)

Let's put the 'ass' back in Christm-ass.

— Scott Moore, Jon Lucas, Carla Dunkler, Kathryn Hahn, imdb.com

Betty, you will not believe who just propositioned me in the bathroom. Give you a hint: His name may be Moose, but I'd describe a certain appendage of his as horse-like.

— Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, Kevin Keller, Casey Cott, imdb.com

Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Never mind. It’s too long.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date? She’s got small tits.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the best way to respond when a girl asks, ‘What’s up’? ‘If I tell you, will you sit on it?’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why did Jesus die a virgin? Every single ‘wound’ he touched closed up.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party...except you.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the square root of 69? Ate something.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

How are women like linoleum floors? If you lay ’em right the first time, you can walk all over them for the next 20 years or so.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

When is it OK to beat up a dwarf? When he’s standing next your girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the difference between a clitoris and a cell phone? Nothing! Every cunt’s got one.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why did the semen cross the road? Because you wore the wrong socks today.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What does a dumb slut say when you ask if she’s ever tried 69? ‘Thirty dudes is the most I can screw in one night.’

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

&&MK KK K MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK&W MWWWWMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWMK WWKKWWWWMK&MWWWWWWWWMWMM WW &WWWWWWWWMMWWWWWWWMWWM&& W&K&WWWWWWWWMMWWWWWWWWWWMMMK WWWMWM&&K&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM& KK MWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWM&KK MM WWWWWM WWWWW MWWWWWWWWWWWWMMMMM& KMW MW MWWW KWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMM&&&& K WWWW WWWWWM KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&&&&&M&KMWWWWW&MWWWWKWW KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&&KK &MM&&KWWWW KWWWW& WW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&KKKK KK&MMWMMWWWKWW W WW KW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&MMMMM&K&K&MMWWWWWWWWW MMW M &M &&WWWWWWWWWWWMMMMMWM&&K&MMMM&MWWWWWW&&WWW KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWMM&&KK&&MM&&&&KKWWWWWWM WWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWWWMM&&&&&&&KKKK WWWWWK MM WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&&KKKK KM& &W WWM && KK KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&&K WWWW &WK MW &WWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&KK WWK M K&&K WW & KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&KK &WWMK MK MM MMM&KMK&K& WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&KKK &WWMK K KWWWWWWWWWWMKKK MK KK &WK KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMM&&KK KWWWW& MK &WWMWWWKK& &MK K K K KKK WW& MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&K KMWWWW&K & &&KKWWMWW &&M MMM K WW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&&K &WWWWW&&K KM &&&& &WWW& & WK& WWK WWWWWWWWWWMM&KK &WWWWWM& &K KWMMK K WWMM &K &&K K WWW& &WWWWWWM&&KK K&WWWWWWWMWM K&W K &&&K K K &WM KK K W WW& KWWWWWMMK K&MMWWWWWWWW&&M&K&KMWK K & KWWWM WWM MWMM& KK&MMWWWWWWW&&&WMKKK KWWK K& &&M K KWW WWWWW WWWM KMMMMMWWWWWWWWWW&KKMKKKKK WWK& W& MMK WWWW & MWWWM K &MWWWWWWWWWWWWWW&KKK&K &WMK& W KM KM&KK KMMW& WWW MWWWWK &WWWWWWWWWWWW&&KK&K K&K M&M& K& K&W& M&MWWWWWWWMWW WWWW WWW WWWWWWWWW&KKKK & MWK W &WWMWWWMWWWWWWWWW&&M

,.,,,..,,,.,,,,:::,: :,:,:: : : :::: .,. ,: .,, :, , ,: . , .. . , ::,,. .,,,,,,,.,,,,,:,::: :::::: :: : : : . ,. .. ,, .: .. : :,:, ,,,,:,,,,.,,:,::,,::: : ,:,,:: : :: :: :,: ,,. ., .: , . . ,. . ::,. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:::: : : ,: ,: : : ,:, : : :::. , , : . . : ,: ,,:,::,.,,,:,::,:: : ::,,:: ::: , ., . , . :. :: ,,::::::,,,,,:,,::: :: :::. : : : :, , .. , , : ::::::,,,::,:::::: :::,,, : : ,:: ,:: :: ... . . : ,:::::,:,,,:,,::::: : ::,:,:: : : : , : , :::::::::,,,,::::::::: :::,:: , :::::::::,:::,::, : : ::,,:::: : , ::: ::::,:,:,:,,,::: : : :, : ,. ::: :::,:,,,,,::: : ::: . :. .. ::: :::,:,.,,,,::: : :: : .. . : : ::::,,,,,,,,:, : :: , :::::,,,,,,,,,,,::: : :: . , ,::::::,,,,,,,,:, :: : : ::::::,,,:,,,,,::::: : : . , :, :,,,:,,,: :::: : ., :::::::,,,,,:,:,::: :: : : , : ::::,:,,,,,,::: : : : ,,., :: :::,,,,:::::: : : , : : ::::::,:::: : : :, : . . : : :::::::::: : :: , , , :, : . : ::: , : :: . , , : ::, : : :: : : : . :: , : ::: : . , :.., , : : , ,.. , :: : . , : : : :: :,.. ,:, . . . : : :.. :,,,. :. . .:: : . , : :...... , : . .: : :: ,.. . : :.,,., . ,, : . :. , . .,, . : , . . . .. : . . . :: ... . . :,. . . . : . .,, . , . , , . . , . ,:...., . ., : , .,,: ,.. ,:. .,: . . , , . .,,.. , , . .: :: . : : , : .., ,

~~~~ ~ ~~<~~ ~~~~<<<<<~<~~~~~ ~~~~~<<~<<~<*****<*<~<<<<<<****~< <~}~** } * << *~ }}*<<<<<~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~<~<<<<<~<< ~<~~ ~~<~<*~*<**<<<<****<<<~<~<<}***<}<<~*<**~~<<*<~*<} ~ *< ~ *} } }}*<<<*~<<<~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~<~~~ ~~~<<<<*<<~<<<~~~~~~<~<<*<<*<*<<}*<**<~<~~~~~<***<* } << * * << ~ * *~ ~ << }** * < }}**<*<<<<<~~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~~~~~~~<<<<<<<<<<~~<<<~<~<<***<*<***<****<*<<~~~ <<***<* } } ~ *}} ~~* ~ ~ <~ }}****<**<~<~~ ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~*<*<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<*<*}**}**}****}<<<~~~~<**<*** ~ } < <** < ~ }***<<*<*<<<<~~ ~ ~ ~~~~~~~<~ ~~~~<<****<<<<<<**<<<****}*}*}*}}}}*****<< ~<<~*****} } ~ ~ ~* * }********<*<<<~~ ~~~~~ ~~~<~~ ~ ~~~<*<**<<<*<<<**~<<****}}*}}}}}}******<<~~<<*****<~ }~ < } }****}*}****<<<~ ~~ ~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~<*******<***<*<***}}}} }} } }}}}}**<~~<~<<**}** < <} < } **}** }}}***<<~~ ~ ~~~<~~~~~~~~<***<**********}**}*} *}} }}}} }**<<~~**}*}}<} }}<~ < } }}}*}}* *}<**<~< ~ ~ ~ ~<<<<~ <~<<**}}*<<***}}}***}}}}} } } }}}}*}<*<*<*}}}}~ * }}} }} }**<<~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~<~~<<<~~~~<<**}*}}}*}}*}}*}}}*} } } }}***<<**}} } ~ }}}} } }}**}<~ ~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~<*<~~<<<<<*}*}}}}}**}}*}*} }} }} }}}}<*}}} }}~ } ~ < } }}* <<~ ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~<<*<<<<**}} }}*}}}*}}}*}} } }}*}*}}}<~ * } }***< ~ ~ ~<~~ ~~~~~~<<~*<<<<*<*}} } }*}}}}}}}}}* } }}****<~ ~ < }}}<< ~ ~<<~ ~~~*****<*<**}} } }}}}}}}}}** } }}}*~ < }}}*< ~~~~ ~ ~ <<<<<*<******} }*}* }}}}}*}} } }}< ~ }*< ~ ~~~~~~ <<*}<*<**}}} } } } }}*}} } }}}< ~ } }*< ~ ~ ~ ~~~~~~~ ~~*<**<****}}* }} }*}}}} *< } *<< ~ ~ ~ ~~<<*<**}****} } } }} }}}} }*< ~ ~ } }}< ~ ~~ ~~~~ ~ ~~<<<*<****}} } * } } }}}} } } }}} ~ * }** ~~~ ~ ~~~~ ~ ~<<<**}****}}}} }}} } }}**} }* } } ~ * }< ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~<<**}*}***}} }}* *~< }} ** * } ~ * }< ~ ~< ~ ~ ~~~~~~<<<<<**}****}}} }}}} }< *< ~ ~ } }} ~ *~ ~ ** ~~~~~~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~<~<<~~~<<<<*****<***}} }}} } }~}< }<* ~ ~ < * }* ~ ~<~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~<<<<<~<<~<<<*<<***<*}*}} *< < < < }~ * }<~ ~ ~ *~ * }* ~~ <~~~ ~~ ~<~<<<<<<<<~<<<<<*****}*} }<~ } } * ~~~<~~~~ ~~ ~<<~<<<**<<*<<**}* }*< }~ < < * ~ }* ~~<<~ ~ ~ ~<<<<<*<***}** }< } ~ }~ ~ * <} * <~~<<~~~~ <~ ~<*<*< } }* * < < ~ } <~<<<~~~~<<<}*<** << < * }<* ~ ** <<<<~<<<~ ~ * ~< }~ <} * ** < ~~ ~ ~ < } }* <<<< * ~ }~ ~ < }~ <<~ } ~< * *< }}* <<<< } ~<< *<~ ~~ * < < ~ ~ < < } }* <*<*< ~**} } < * ~* } ~ }}* <<<<<*~ *< ~~<} } }} ~ < ~ * * } ~ }< <<**<<<*<<****}*}*****}}<******}}}}}} } ~ << * * < ** * << ~ ~ ** * **

j o VjjVoj j jj U joooo j j j jj j Uj j ooooo V Vo o V o oooooo j j o joVVojj V oVV oVVojj o Uo o oVVojj j j jj U Uo j oo VVoo j j j jjjj j V VUoj oooj jj jjj j ojjj V UVjjV VVojj jjjj j jjjj jojjjjjj j j V o V UU oVo j jjjj j jjjjjjjojjjj j j j o o UU o V oVjjjjjjjjoj j jj jj jjjjjojjjjjjjjjj Uo U U jooj jojjjjjjj j jj jj jjjjojjjjjjjjjj ojoojojooojjj j jj jjjjjjjjooojoojj jjj j UUU oo V oVoojojojoojj jjojj j j jjjoojojojjjjjjjj UU U U V j ooojooooooojojj joo j j jojj jj jjojoooooooojjj U U VU VVVooVoooo ojjj jooojjj jj jjjjojooooooojjjjjjjj o o VVVoVVooooojojj j ojooj j j jjjjjoooooooVjooooojjjj oV VVVVVVVoooojjjj joojo jj j jj j jjj jjooooooooooojj jj j U VVVVoVVVVVooojoj joooojj j j j oooVVVVoVVVVVojj j U UUVVj o UUUVVVVVVVoooooojj oooojjj jjj Ujj Voj ojj jU U UUUUVojjoU UUUUUVUVVVVVooooojj oojoj jj jjUj j UVVVj oU U U U UUUVVUVVVVVoooojj oojjj jojjV V jojj UVVj o V U oU j UUUVUUUVVVVooVoojj joooVVoo jj oU oooo V Uo V V U VUVjU UUUUUVoVVVoojj joo VoooV UVj o U VU o V U V U V UUUUUUVVVVoVooojj j V VooV UUUo UVj Vj U V VUVUU UUUUUVVVVVooj V ooo U UVj o V UUo VU j j U V VjUUVUUUUVVoVooojj Vj joooV V Uo U U jV UVj UV jU V UVoVoVooojj U j joooooooo Uoj V U U U Ujj V U V ojVUUUVoVoojj UV U o U V VUVVoooooooo Voj oVV V jV j U Vj UUUV U oVoVUV oVVoVoooj j V U UUUVVooojjooVo Uo VUU U oo o j oj o o U UoVooooj U UUUVooooooooVVVUo U Uo UV Uo V o oUUVVVojj oVUVVo U V V V UVooU UVVVUUooVo UUUU VoV VV U U jVVoooj j jjjj jjoooVV U V VUUVVVoooVUUUUUUVo j oV UUV U V V joVoojj jjoVj j VUUVVVooUUUUUUUUVUVoo VoV o jUV Vo U V V j o VV jVVVooj

MWM&K MWWWWWWWW& WWWWWWWWWWW W MWWWWWWK MW W WWWWWWWWW&&MKWW&WWW WWWWWWWWM&&K&WWWWMW WWWWWWWWM&MM&MWWK K W& &WWWWWWWWW&K &W WWWWWW&K W &K & K W WWWWWWWMK WW& MWW K K W WWWWMK WWMKK& K & K W WWK &WWWWM& M MW W &WWWWWW&KKKW WM W &WWWM M KWWWWWWW W& WWW K WW& W WWWWWWWWK MWK WWWW& K & K KK K MMK WWMM& MK WWWWWW& KW&M&&&&K & K & M&MWWWWM WWM&WW KWM&& M& & KK&MWWWW& WWWWWK KKMMWWWMWM K K& K&W& WWMMK M&&WMMW& WWM &K K M & WW&M &M&&&KMMMMWMK & K & & WW&KK K & KKKW & &&K K &WK M K& M K K K W& K K W K K K K W WW WWWKWWKWK WMWMW W WW& &WWMW& WWKWWWWMWWW MMWW WWWW

.,...,,:::::: :: : ,,, : . , . : :. ,,,.,,,: :,,: :: : . : ,:: , ,::,,,::::,,: :: : :, : :::,,:,:::,: : ,::,,,:::::: : : . ::,,.,,: :: , ::,,,,::::: ::,,,,,:: : , :::,,,,: :: . : : ::::: , , : ., : ::: :. . : , . . . . :. , : : ., : , : . , : : . : ,. :., .. :: :: , : , :,, , ,, , : :,., , : :. ::,.,: . , , . ::,..:: , : :. ::,..:: : . . : ::,.,: : . , . :,.., ::: :: : : ., : : , . ., . ,,,.,:::::,:::: : , ,. . : ,: . . ,,...,,,...,:,,: , ,: : .: ,, .: : , . ... ..: . . : :, :. : :: : .. . . . :

~ ~<<~~~ ~~<<<<*<~~<*<~ ~ ~ <~~~~ ~ ~ ~<<<<<~~<*****<~ ~<~ <* } < *<*<<~ ~ ~<<<<<<<**}}***~~<* < *****<~ ~~~ <*<*****}}}}}}*<~**~ * ~ < }*}}**~ ~<~~*}}*}*}}} }}}<<< ~ } }*~ ~ ~<<<<}}}*}}*}} }}<~ }< ~<*<*} }}}}*} }< ~ }< ~ ~<**} }}***} }*} ~ }< ~ <***} }}< *~~*} < ~ ~~~~<***} } * ~ ~~<**<**< }< ~ * ~~~~<*< ~ }** * ~< } ~ } < <<~~ * <} * * ~~ ~** ~ ~ * * <*<~~*}}}***}}}}} } }}< } < } } *<<~~<<<*<<<*** * ~ ~} }<<* }}< } } } } * } <*~ ~<<<*<<***}} ~~ < * < * * * } } <<~ <<**<<*}}} ~ * ~~ ~<<*<<*}*} } ~ ~~ * } < ~ ~~<<<<*}}} * } } } } } ~~~~~<***} * * **~ * } ~ < ~~~~<*<<} } ~ < * * < ~~ ~~<~<*< ~ } }<* < * < ~~~~~~~ ~<~ <} <* }~** * * ~ < ~~~~ ~ ~ *~}~ * ~ < < * } < } ~ ~ < < * } < *~ } < ~ < <~ < ~ } } ~ * * ~ } } < * ~ * } }}~ *}*} ~ < } ~ }} * <~ ~ *

j ooj oj Vj V Vj j o o jjj U o U V oj jj jjjj j ojjjj j jjjjjj U ooojj jjj jooojj Voojj jjj o jj UojU Uooojjj jojj jo U j V V V U VU VVVoooj j oU o o j V j V VVVVooj o joV j U U V joUVUooj V V VVojj V U U Vj oVoj Vo U UjoVoVoo Uo VUVV oVo j U Vo VUVUoV Uj o jo V jVo j o VUVU o j jo Uj U o j o jj V UV U V o oo joj o o o UUV U o j jo V UU U o VoU U V V jj V j j U UUVU Vojojoo j VV jjVV V o VU U V VVU j UVUV Uo UU V jV joUjj V V VjV jUUj VoUU o UU j j UV VVVj jj jV UUV U Uoo VV VU V oVo V U o jU UUVU VUV ooU j ooj j Uoo j V j U VVV o oVjj VVj jjV jj j VVjjoU jjjo j j V o j o U U U U