Quotes tagged ‘Dick Jokes’

“Well guess what. I work hard and I play hard, bitch. That's my credo. I got that shit tattooed on my dick with room to spare.”

— Tony Roche, Armando Iannucci, Jonah Ryan, Timothy Simons, imdb.com

“His dick was so big, it wasn’t a dick at all. It was a Richard.”

— Amy Sherman-Palladino, Miriam “Midge” Maisel, Rachel Brosnahan, imdb.com

“Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow, man. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man…”

— Kevin Smith, Holden McNeil/Himself, Ben Affleck, imdb.com

“Shrimply Pibbles: I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small. It's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties where humans held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out, 'Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-…”

— Dan Guterman, Ryan Ridley, Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Jerry Smith (voice), Chris Parnell, imdb.com

“Morty: Can you fly a Black Hawk? Mr. President: Can the pope's **** fit through a donut? Morty: Eh... I'm not sure? Mr. President: Exactly!”

— Tom Kauffman, Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Morty Smith (voice), Justin Roiland, imdb.com

“Well, all is forgiven, because right now, I’ve got an erection the size of an East Coast lighthouse, and I’m coming home to share it with my beautiful wife.”

— Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Jerry Smith (voice), Chris Parnell, imdb.com

“Carla: I'm having a weird pregnancy craving. Hey, J.D., if you go out, would you get me a hot Italian sausage? The Todd: I've got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here!”

— Tad Quill, Carla Espinosa, Judy Reyes, imdb.com

“If you try something like that again, I will relieve you of your most precious organ and feed it to you. Though it won't make much of a meal.”

— Lisa Joy, Roberto Patino, Maeve Millay, Thandie Newton, imdb.com

“Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Never mind. It’s too long.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com