Quotes tagged ‘comedian’

“I want people to laugh with me, not at me.”

— Zach Galifianakis, Scott Aukerman, Himself, Zach Galifianakis, imdb.com

“Arthur Fleck: [Arthur is watching Murray Franklin’s show on TV] Murray Franklin: And finally, in a world where everyone thinks they can do my job, check out this guy. [we see Arthur onstage] Arthur Fleck: When I was a little boy and told people I was going to be a comedian, everyone laughed at me. W…”

— Todd Phillips, Scott Silver, Arthur Fleck / Joker, Joaquin Phoenix, imdb.com

“Sean: I've got a record, OK? Jay: You’re that guy aren’t you? Nearly killed a kid in Wasaga! Sean: It was a fight, and I deafened him in one ear. Jay: Sorry? What, I can't hear you. Sean: You know, you’re a real comedian for someone sitting in the principal's office.”

— Bruce McDonald, Yan Moore, Aaron Martin, Sean Cameron, Daniel Clark, imdb.com

“Tom Hartman: Did you think I was sexy then? Mary Hartman: Yeah, you were. You were just like Johnny Carson. You were just all boyish and proud of yourself. Tom Hartman: He's a comedian. I'm a Robert Redford, huh? Mary Hartman: [thinks a moment] Johnny Carson.”

— Ann Marcus, Jerry Adelman, Mary Hartman, Louise Lasser, imdb.com

“The only god I know is a mean-spirited comedian in ugly pants whose every joke has the same damn punchline.”

— Kate Robin, Nate Fisher, Peter Krause, imdb.com

“I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are. You know, like writing the word ‘over’ on the bottom of a letter. As if someone's just going to throw the letter away without trying to turn it over first! Or, when you tast…”

— Ellen Degeneres, goodhousekeeping.com

“I’m the only one who had to do the perp walk. I’m going to have to figure my way out of this and I’m going to have to do it one joke at a time.”

— Kathy Griffin, theguardian.com

“That’s the story of my life, honey. They want to suck the comedy out of me and then they want to detach.”

— Kathy Griffin, theguardian.com

“All my comedian friends were mad that I apologised at all, but having performed in two war zones, I thought this is a narrow apology because the thing people think was depicted I understand.”

— Kathy Griffin, theguardian.com

“You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.”

— Mitch Hedberg, amazon.com

“Even as a little child, I've always had that comedian kind of attitude.”

— Etta James, books.google.com.ph

“A bad comedian trips and falls and he shouts "help, I've fallen and can't do stand up!"”

— zenyattatron, reddit.com

“Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies "I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!" "Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian." "How can you be so sure?" "You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke.”

— Kawaii_Desu-Chan, reddit.com

“You’re not supposed to talk about suicide. You should be able to talk about it! The whole world is made of people who DIDN’T kill themselves today... life can get very difficult, very sad, very upsetting, but you don’t have to do it. You really don’t have to do it ... because you can kill yourself.”

— Louis CK, theatlantic.com

“Saturday! Icing my face with a frozen burrito, swollen from eating popcorn while eating a cookie”

— @amyschumer, instagram.com

“When I realize I'm out of sleeping pills on a 5 hour flight.”

— Chelsea Handler, instagram.com

“If you need your public profile to be all positive, you’re sick in the head. I do the work I do, and what happens next I can’t look after.”

— Louis CK, vulture.com