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Quotes tagged ‘babies’

(46 total)

Home delivery is for newspapers, not for babies!

— Bill Idelson, harvey miller, Oscar Madison, Jack Klugman, imdb.com

Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

— Chris Sheridan, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tommy: Chuckie, I don't think most babies have your problem. Chuckie: Really? I thought everybody wet the bed once in a while. Tommy: Wet the bed? We thought you were talking about something else. Lil: Yeah, We wet the bed all the time. Phil: Every chance we get!

— Jonathan Blum, Jonathan Greenberg, Lil DeVille, Kath Soucie, imdb.com

Stu: There's nothing wrong with Tommy. Didi: How can you say that? Drawing on the walls proves that he cannot find a constructive outlet for his repressed, social anxieties. Stu: Deed, he's a year old!

— Arlene Klasky, Gabor Csupo, Stu Pickles, Jack Riley, imdb.com

You could view the practitioners of spawn con as the 2010s iteration of the stage parent: monetizing their children, who don’t get a say in which advertisement their face ends up in, and performing parenthood for the capitalist machine.

— Rebecca Jennings, racked.com

Jordan: Great, we made him cry. If we keep this up, we are gonna scar him for life! Dr. Cox: I don't necessarily buy into all that New Age-y crap. I once saw my mom knock my dad unconscious with a frying pan. You know what I did? Kept right on going with my birthday party!

— Janae Bakken, Perry Cox, John C. McGinley, imdb.com

I don't really want to have a baby. I want to want to have a baby.

— Sophie Gilbert, theatlantic.com

Louise: Where do babies come from? Linda: You all came from my vagina.

— Steven Davis, Kelvin Yu, Linda Belcher, John Roberts, imdb.com

You know who whines? Babies.

— Adam Glass, Dean Winchester, Jensen Ackles, imdb.com

In reality, pregnancy medical care seemed to be one long list of rules.

— Emily Oster, theatlantic.com

For many of us, our journey into and through motherhood is full of heavy and layered emotional experiences. These experiences all have correlating physical and hormonal counterparts.

— Lisa Grace Byrne, saragottfriedmd.com

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

— Daniel Tosh, amazon.com

Which sexual position produces the ugliest babies? Ask your mother.

— MrKatUK, reddit.com

I was so ugly as a baby...when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.

— Paradise5551, reddit.com

I'm terrified that I'm going to make a hundred wrong decisions to keep you guys from living the perfect lives that you deserve, but I will protect you fiercely, and I will always sing to you when you can't sleep, and I will always be excited to hear you laugh.

— Dan Fogelman, Rebecca, Mandy Moore, imdb.com

Make like a baby and experience the world as a series of great terrors interspersed with brilliant comedies and lots of food and sleep.

— Night Vale podcast, twitter.com

Never list what you’re looking for money-wise or baby-wise in a relationship.

— Ashley, eharmony.com

He may be more optimistic in the face of a pregnancy scare, or he may start to get more involved in the lives of his nieces and nephews. Maybe he’s even mentioned some boys or girls names he likes.

— Adriana, badgirlsbible.com

On a first date, stick to light topics about celebrities and your favorite foods. If you mention marriage or babies, then the guy is going to make an excuse to bail on you.

— Holly Riordan, love.allwomenstalk.com

I can't have sex with a pregnant bitch the baby gonna grab my dick or something.

— killthots, twitter.com

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