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Veep Quotes

“It's the worse use of scissors since my failed vasectomy.”
— Mike McLintock, Veep, Season 3: Debate
Tagged: Diss, Scissors, Failure, Vasectomy
“Get the government out of my fucking snatch.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 3: The Choice
Tagged: Government, Pro Choice, Women
“Dan, you're going to have to clean up your own shitty diaper.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: D.C.
Tagged: diaper, Clean, Demand
“Don't give me that Quaker in a titty bar look.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: Helsinki
Tagged: quaker, Judge, look
“I actually wrote it in my diary and stared at it for a full five minutes. ”
— Gary Walsh, Veep, Season 2: The Vic Allen Dinner
Tagged: Diary, Shock, Happy
“Comedy songs are the mark of a douchebag.”
— Dan Egan, Veep, Season 2: The Vic Allen Dinner
Tagged: comedy, Songs, Mark
“What are you laughing at, Jolly Green Jizzface?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: The Vic Allen Dinner
Tagged: Diss, Sassy, Jolly
“The men get the situation room, I get the shituation room?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: Hostages
Tagged: Word Play, Sitution Room, unfair
“Get your own ear, Van Gogh.”
— Gary Walsh, Veep, Season 2: Hostages
Tagged: Ear, Van Gogh, Diss
“Get your own ear, Van Gogh.”
— Gary Walsh, Veep, Season 2: Hostages
Tagged: Diss, Van Gogh, Ear
“I was married to a Devil Dog, but he wasn't a Marine. He was more of a devil.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: Hostages
Tagged: Devil Dog , marine, devil, Ex-Husband
“VP stands for 'very precious.'”
— Gary Walsh, Veep, Season 2: Hostages
Tagged: vice president, Precious
“Who else has a bucketful of senators?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Chung
Tagged: bucket, Senators, Question
“Beer makes me so gassy.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Chung
Tagged: Beer, Gassy , Gross
“What is that skirt? Is it a rug?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Catherine
Tagged: Skirt, rug, Question
“'Cause I've met some people, ok? Real people. And a lot of them are fucking idiots.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Catherine
Tagged: Stupid, idiots, Silly, real people
“I don't have room in my head for yogurt.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Frozen Yoghurt
Tagged: yogurt, Head Space , mindful
“Kiss you, miss you.”
— Mike McLintock, Veep, Season 1: Fundraiser
Tagged: kiss, Miss
“I need to show that I’m a lone, fierce she-wolf.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 7: Iowa
Tagged: She-Wolf
“Selina Meyer: Can I really blame another country for something they didn't do?

Ben Cafferty: It's been the cornerstone of American foreign policy since the Spanish-American War.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 5: The Eagle
Tagged: Foreign Policy, Spanish-American War, USA Imperialism
“God, there's so many people in here. It's like a Mormon orgy.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 3: New Hampshire
Tagged: Mormon, Orgy, crowded
“I gotta go make noises out of my facehole or whatever it is I do.”
— Mike McLintock, Veep, Season 3: New Hampshire
Tagged: Announcers, facehole
“You are going to change America in a way that usually only war and fluoride can.”
— Kent Davison, Veep, Season 3: Fishing
Tagged: America, Change, War, fluoride Conspracy
“You know, they say all babies are cute, but whoever 'they' are, should be stuck in a stroller and pushed into traffic.”
— Amy Brookheimer, Veep, Season 3: Clovis
Tagged: babies, Cute, anti-baby, Anti-Natalist
“I respect your brevity. It's almost threatening.”
— Kent Davison, Veep, Season 2: D.C.
Tagged: Brevity, Threatening
“Selina Meyer: You want me to be some sorta party puppet? You can stick your hand up my ass and work my mouth?

Andrew Doyle: Yes, please!

Selina Meyer: [to her staff] And what were you bobbleheads doing while I was just getting earfucked by Father Time?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 3: Alicia
Tagged: earfucked, father time, Puppet, Bobbleheads
“I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.”
— Will, Veep, Season 2: D.C.
Tagged: Mississippi, slow, Detective, black man, racism, anti-southern stereotypes
“Oh no, that's a fucking wire brush to my hemorrhoids.”
— Ben Cafferty, Veep, Season 2: Running
Tagged: Fucking, hemorrhoids, Annoying
“Dan Egan: Nice wheels, Mike. This new?

Mike McLintock: Not quite. Like your mother, it's been previously loved and paid for by a couple of guys.”
— Mike McLintock, Veep, Season 2: Signals
Tagged: used car, mother jokes
“Uzbekistan is between Turkmenistan and Icouldgiveafuckistan.”
— Ben Cafferty, Veep, Season 2: Midterms
Tagged: Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan
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