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The Mary Tyler Moore Show Quotes

“Phyllis Lindstrom: For the past two years I've been teaching a course, showing mothers how to relate to their children.

Mary Richards: Phyllis, isn't that a ceramics course you teach?

Phyllis Lindstrom: They think it's a ceramics class.”
— Phyllis Lindstrom, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: A Girl's Best Mother Is Not Her Friend
Tagged: ceramics class
“An ounce of perversion is worth a pound of cure.”
— Ted Baxter, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: More Than Neighbors
Tagged: ounce of prevention, cure
“Ted has been in love ever since he was a baby and saw his reflection in the bathwater.”
— Murray Slaughter, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: Ted Over Heels
Tagged: Narcissus, Narcissism
“Lou: I guess I'm what you'd call a male chauvinist pig.

Mary: She, uh, she wasn't right.

Lou: I'm glad we're communicating.

Mary: What was wrong with her?

Lou: Well, for one thing, when she walked out of here, I didn't watch her.

Mary: Oh. You mean, uh…she—she didn't have any, uh— [Mary motions at her backside]

Lou: Right. No caboose whatsover.

Mary: Well, if that is the case, Mr. Grant, why have I been wasting my time for the last two days screening them for skills? I mean, why don't I just march them in here in bathing suits? [Lou chuckles]

Lou: How many more applicants are there?

Mary: Uh, two. Uh, the first is Doreen Skinner. Her skills are excellent, and she seems to measure up, caboose-wise.

Lou: Good. Back her in here.”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: Ted Over Heels
Tagged: Sexism, Caboose, ass, Sexual Harassment
“Phyllis: [to Mary and Rhoda] I thought I'd see how you swingin' singles spend your evenings!

Rhoda: They're not much different than yours. We sit around at night wondering what it'd be like to have a happy marriage.”
— Phyllis Lindstrom, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: . . . Is a Friend in Need
Tagged: swinging singles, Marriage, Envy
“[after a date with Hal Baxter] I made the mistake of asking him which was his bad side. You know, we looked for it for ten minutes. We couldn't find it. We found mine right away, though. It's the front.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: Cover Boy
Tagged: bad side, ugly
“Ida: As a matter of fact, I'm not wearing a bra.

Rhoda: Ma! Go upstairs and put some clothes on!

Ida: What's the matter, you can't handle somebody who's a little 'with it?'

Rhoda: You're not with it. You're without it. Now go upstairs and get it.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: A Girl's Best Mother Is Not Her Friend
Tagged: Bras, With it
“Ted: I don't think Barry likes me.

Lou: Ted, he hasn't been here long enough not to like you. He's only been here a couple weeks. It takes at least three weeks not to like you.”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: The 45-Year-Old Man
Tagged: Dislike
“[on air] I've just been handed a bulletin. [reading in announcer's voice] You've got something between your teeth.”
— Ted Baxter, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: Room 223
Tagged: bulletin, embarrassing, Hubris
“I look at a separation like two boxers who are going to their corners between rounds. That doesn't mean the fight is over, Mary. They're just resting!”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: The Boss Isn't Coming to Dinner
Tagged: Boxers, separation, Fighting
“How d'ya like that? I flunked a sexual IQ test and passed a national driver's test...and Mary, I'm a lousy driver!”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: The Birds . . . and . . . um . . . Bees
Tagged: sexual IQ, Driver's Test
“Word to the wise, Mary. The best kind of reunion is one where you don't know anyone.”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: A Friend in Deed
Tagged: word to the wise, Reunion, antisocial
“Mary: [about Ted's gift to her] It's the thought that counts.

Murray: I know, and he has cheap thoughts.”
— Steven Pritzker, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Second Story Story
Tagged: The Thought, gifts, Cheap
“Mary: At our age, having your tonsils out can be dangerous.

Rhoda: At our age, having your hair done can be dangerous.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Hi!
Tagged: Age, danger, Tonsils
“Ted: [bragging] I even got cheered for cutting a ribbon at a supermarket!

Murray: That's because they didn't think you could do it.”
— Ted Baxter, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Anchorman Overboard
Tagged: Supermarket, insults
“If you've noticed, I'm one of the few producers without a peptic ulcer. One of the reasons for that is, I'm able to delegate blame.”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Anchorman Overboard
Tagged: ulcer, Blame
“[about his nephew, Allen] What that kid needs is a little understanding, a little compassion, and all that other crap.”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: He's All Yours
Tagged: Understanding, Compassion, Crap
“There are no men friends when you're thirty. They're either fiances or rejects.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Toulousse-Lautrec is One of My Favorite Artists
Tagged: Friends, Thirtysomething, Fiance, Reject
“Rhoda: My father's short.

Mary: See, it didn't bother your mother did it?

Rhoda: Bother her? She made him that way.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Toulousse-Lautrec is One of My Favorite Artists
Tagged: short, mother, overbearing
“Life insurance, huh? I still haven't met a beneficiary.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Keep Your Guard Up
Tagged: Life Insurance, Beneficiary, Spinster
“Mary: He had his arm around her and everything was very cozy. Then he saw us, he pushed her away and started treating her like a stranger.

Rhoda: I know that feeling. I once had a date do that to me when I ordered steak.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: Ted Over Heels
Tagged: Cozy, Stranger, Steak, Cheap
“Lou: Mary, where are the idiot cards?

Ted: Cue cards, Lou! Cue Cards!

Lou: Excuse me, Ted. Mary, could you please give those cue cards to this idiot?”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Bess, You is My Daughter Now
Tagged: cue cards, idiot cards
“Mary: Why are you smiling at me?

Lou: Because you just reaffirmed my faith in human nature.

Mary: You mean what I did wasn't rotten?

Lou: Oh, no, that was rotten all right. It's just nice to know that everyone's rotten. Up to now, I thought you were one of the few holdouts.”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: . . . Is a Friend in Need
Tagged: smiling, Rotten, human natgure
“Ted Baxter: [Ted's brother, Hal needs a dinner date] Say, Mare, why don't you fix Hal up with that Israeli friend of yours?

Mary Richards: You mean Rhoda?

Ted Baxter: Yeah.

Mary Richards: Ted, she's not Israeli; she's from New York.

Ted Baxter: Well, I knew it was somewhere there in the Middle East.”
— Ted Baxter, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: Cover Boy
Tagged: Israeli, Jewish, New York, Middle East
“Mary, I came to Minneapolis because of the cold. I figured if I was frozen I'd keep better.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 2: He's No Heavy . . . He's My Brother
Tagged: minneapolis, Cold Weather, Aging
“I was five years old before I knew my father could talk. You know the first thing he said? 'Listen to your mother.'”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Support Your Local Mother
Tagged: Cuckold, Submissive Male, mother
“Ted Baxter: Whatever happened to the good old days when they had wars in England?

Murray Slaughter: You'd find a way to mispronounce London.”
— Ted Baxter, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Bess, You is My Daughter Now
Tagged: Ignorance, England, London, Mispronunciations
“You're talking about Midwestern love. I'm talking about Bronx love. There's a certain amount of guilt that goes with that. My mother wants the people she loves to feel guilty.”
— Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Support Your Local Mother
Tagged: Midweast, Bronx, Love, Guilt
“If I don't like you, I'll fire you! If you don't like me, I'll fire you!”
— Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Season 1: Love is All Around
Tagged: Bossy, boss, You're Fired
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