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The Flintstones Quotes

“Fred Flintstone: [dressed as a nurse, trying to sneak Barney out past the Desk Nurse] You're doing fine, Mr Rubble. We'll take you outside around the grounds and get some fresh air.

Desk Nurse: [after they've passed] Wow, what a homely nurse.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: Operation Barney
Tagged: homely, Drag
“Fred Flintstone: Are you the desk nurse?

Desk Nurse: No, I'm Lady Godiva and this is a kissing booth.

Fred Flintstone: Where's Barney Rubble? I need to see him.

Desk Nurse: He's in Room 102. Who are you, fatso, a deceased relative or something?”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: Operation Barney
Tagged: lady godiva, Fat-Shaming
“Wilma Flintstone: Don't tell me you've never married, Greta. You were the most popular girl in school.

Greta: Oh I guess my standards were too high. I played hard to get and, well... I just didn't get got.”
— Wilma Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: The Entertainer
Tagged: Marriage, hard to get
“Wilma Flintstone: [arguing about money] I work hard around here and I'm willing to do more! If necessary, I'll get a job to help out.

Fred Flintstone: Oh, that's a hot one!

Wilma Flintstone: What's that supposed to mean?

Fred Flintstone: [pointing his finger in her face] You are too smart to leave this cushy set up you have right now. Truth is, you like things just the way they are. You...

Fred Flintstone: [Wilma chomps down on his finger] YOWTCH! [to the audience] Now what brought that on?”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: The Happy Household
Tagged: Domestic Disputes, Violence Against Males
“All right. All right. I can't make it as fast as you spend it. I admit it, so let's call off the contest!”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: The Happy Household
Tagged: breadwinner
“[dancing with a high society lady] You sure shake a mean leg, toots!”
— Fireman, The Flintstones, Season 2: Social Climbers
Tagged: Dancing
“If you scrub with 'Sudsy-Wudsy', you'll wash away the Mudsy-Mudsies...”
— Barney Rubble, The Flintstones, Season 2: Social Climbers
Tagged: ad jingles
“Hmmm, here's the crook of the month. Fifteen thousand reward for information leading to apprehension of Albert Bonehart, wanted for questioning in disappearance of three former wives. Bonehart's fourth wife was last seen in a little railroad station in a valise, a ladies' hatbox, and an executive's briefcase. Well, that's one way to send your wife to the country.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: Alvin Brickrock Presents
Tagged: Criminals, bigamy, Wife Murderers
“Make your hobby hubby. Keep your hubby happy. When he's a little chubby, he's a happy pappy. With Rockenschpeel!”
— Wilma Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: The Happy Household
Tagged: ad jingle, chubby hubby
“Fred Flintstone: Oh, boy, how terrible can you get food?

Pearl Slaghoople: What's the matter sonny, don't you like the breakfast I cooked for ya?

Fred Flintstone: I seem to have lost my appetite. What is this stuff, anyway?

Pearl Slaghoople: [gets in his face] Health food, sonny. Just what the doctor ordered.

Fred Flintstone: Then let the doctor eat it!”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: This is Your Lifesaver
Tagged: Bad Food, Health Food
“He was a midget in the big house, see? And he tried to escape by wiggling through a mouse hole after lights out, but he outsmarted himself, see? Cuz it wasn't a mouse hole, it was a light socket, and somebody turned the lights on.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: Alvin Brickrock Presents
Tagged: Midgets, Mice, Prison
“Fred Flintstone: [playing cards] Barney, what would you do if you were holding the queen alone?

Barney Rubble: I don't know, Fred, it all depends on what time the king gets home.
[laughs]”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: Alvin Brickrock Presents
Tagged: cards, poker
“If you're queasy... Sailing on the wave... Just open your mouth... Shout, 'Terra Firma Shave!'”
— Barney Rubble, The Flintstones, Season 2: Divided We Sail
Tagged: Burma Shave, TV Jingles
“Frantic City! Raaaak! Convention! Raaaak! Doctor is a plumber!”
— Dizzy Dodo Bird, The Flintstones, Season 3: The Buffalo Convention
Tagged: Talking Birds
“Wilma Flintstone: It's been weeks since you had a good word for anybody or anything.

Fred Flintstone: Oh yeah, what about that thing I said about your mother last week?

Wilma Flintstone: My mother?

Fred Flintstone: I said, good riddance she lives 50 miles away.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 3: The Little Stranger
Tagged: Mother in Law, good riddance
“It's true, folks, the Flintstones are gonna have a baby. And I want everybody the whole wide world to know it! YABBA-DABBA DOO!”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 3: The Surprise
Tagged: birth announcement, yabba-dabba-doo
“I love my dear sweet mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is a doll.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 3: The Surprise
Tagged: Mother in Law, Irony
“And another thing. If you don't take that insulting commercial off the air, I'll sue, report you to the FCC, and... and... slap your face!”
— Wilma Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 1: Fred Flintstone
Tagged: FCC, Threats
“Wilma Flintstone: Fred, can't you get up without making all that noise?

Fred Flintstone: It's that pesty gooney bird, he's back again! Why can't he fly back to Capistranorock or wherever else he belongs? What a thing to look forward to all summer!”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 3: Fred's New Job
Tagged: Gooney Bird, San Juan Capistrano
“Fred Flintstone: Tell me, boss, I'm on pins and needles! What were you wearing?

Mr. Rockhead: [Puts on the bird head of the costume that he, unknown to Fred, exchanged with the costumer] I got it right here.

Fred Flintstone: Sure, I talked to you, we were standing at the refreshment bar and I was saying... [suddenly realizes it was Mr. Rockhead he said all that bad stuff to] Oh boy, what I was saying...

Mr. Rockhead: I'll refresh your memory... Quote: Vice president of the morons section of the Knucklehead Club.

[Fred starts to 'feel small' as he continues]
Mr. Rockhead: Home having dinner before the 5-oclock whistle. Penny Pincher. Shorty. Birdbrain. You were gonna bump me right on the beak! Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera! Well, what have you got to say for yourself?

Fred Flintstone: [in a high-pitched voice] Oh boy, me and my big mouth.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: The Masquerade Ball
Tagged: busted, insults, Karma
“Fred Flintstone: Hi there young fella, what's your name?

Alvin: Alvin.

Fred Flintstone: Alvin what?

Alvin: Alvin... thank you.

Fred Flintstone: No, I mean your other name. What does your mommy call your daddy?

Alvin: She don't call him anything, she likes him!

Fred Flintstone: [getting irritated] Well, what does the name say on your mailbox?

Alvin: U.S. Mail.

Fred Flintstone: Say, isn't your father A.A. Carborundum?

Alvin: Yeah, so what?

Fred Flintstone: Well, do you know who I am?

Alvin: You mean you don't know that, either?

Fred Flintstone: Smart aleck kid.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 2: The Missing Bus
Tagged: Banter, smart aleck
“Fred Flintstone: [after Wilma is given Pebbles for the first time] Awwww, she looks like a chip off the ol' block.

Barney Rubble: Actually, more like a pebble off the ol' flintstone.

Wilma Flintstone: What a beautiful name. Pebbles Flintstone.

Pebbles Flintstone: [Her first words ever] Yabba. Dabba. Goo.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 3: The Blessed Event
Tagged: Birth, first words
“Wilma Flintstone: Look at me Fred, I'm calm.

Fred Flintstone: Why shouldn't you be? Your wife isn't having a baby.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 3: The Blessed Event
Tagged: Pregnancy, Panic, Labor
“I'm not talking about Wilma's mother. I'm talking about that antiseptic refugee from the psycho ward. Nurse Frightenshale.”
— Fred Flintstone, The Flintstones, Season 3: Carry On, Nurse Fred
Tagged: psycho ward
“Bartender... rocks over rocks. And bartender... put that in a dirty glass.”
— Perry Gunite, The Flintstones, Season 1: Love Letters on the Rocks
Tagged: Bartender, Drinking, dirty glass
“Barney Rubble: [while looking over the hot piano] Hold it? Do you get a guarantee with it?

Eighty-Eight Fingers Louie: Certainly. I guarantee it's a piano. And when Eighty-Eight Fingers Louie makes that guarantee he stands by it.”
— Barney Rubble, The Flintstones, Season 1: The Hot Piano
Tagged: piano sales, Swindlers
“Fred Flintstone: [the piano gets stuck in the doorway] Stand back, Barney. I'm going to put a little weight behind it.

Barney Rubble: But Fred, you're a lot of weight!”
— Warren Foster, The Flintstones, Season 1: The Hot Piano
Tagged: piano movers, Fat-Shaming
“Now you see, Boo Boo, I'm smarter than the average Fred Flintstone, hey hey.”
— Yogi Bear, The Flintstones, Season 3: Swedish Visitors
Tagged: Yogi Bear, Boo Boo
“How are ya? Glad to see ya! Please go right ahead, don't mind little old me. We're drawing a Snorkasaurus aren't we? Yes we are, love it, love it, love it! But we are making mistakes, aren't we? Allow me sir, eh? Thank you. As I remember, a snorkasaurus is a handsome animal. Regal head. More shape to the neck. Well-proportioned body. And ah yes, the feet. Large but neat. And there we are. The snorkasaurus! Oh. Oh. I am such a forgetful dunce! One more thing. A snork makes a melodious sound, like so. Snork! Snork! You've been grand. Grand. No, no. Don't get up. I'll find my way out. Have fun. Snork!”
— Dino Snorkasaurus, The Flintstones, Season 1: The Snorkasaurus Hunter
Tagged: snorkasaurii
“Barney Rubble: At least I don't have to hide under the bed if the prowler shows up!

Fred Flintstone: Who said I did?

Barney Rubble: Wilma told Betty.

Fred Flintstone: She heard a noise and tried to get under the bed.

Barney Rubble: And she couldn't. You were there first.

Fred Flintstone: All right funny man, I'll prove to you you're wasting your money. Tonight, after you go to sleep, I'll sneak in dressed as a prowler. Then what'll you think your wife will do.

Barney Rubble: She'll say 'hello Fred. Why steal it. Just borrow it as usual'.”
— Barney Rubble, The Flintstones, Season 1: The Prowler
Tagged: prowlers, Burglars
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