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The Bob Newhart Show Quotes

“Emily Hartley: Bob, that boy just winked at me.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: You want me to beat him up?”
— Emily Hartley, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 2: The Modernization of Emily
Tagged: Chivalry, white-knighting
“Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [Unhappy with Emily's choice of marriage counselor] Emily, I thought you were supposed to find someone neutral.

Emily Hartley: I did.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: She's a woman!

Emily Hartley: That's right, Bob. I said neutral, not neuter.”
— Robert Hartley, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 2: I'm Okay, You're Okay, So What's Wrong?
Tagged: marriage counseling, gender roles, neuter, neutral, Misheard
“Emily Hartley: [Addressing Bob, who came home to find all the furniture rearranged] You hate it, right?

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: I won't say I hate it; it's just alien to anything I've ever liked before.”
— Emily Hartley, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 2: I'm Okay, You're Okay, So What's Wrong?
Tagged: Hate, Dislike, Alien
“Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [Bob's changed his mind—at the last minute—about his sister, Ellen, moving in with Howard, next door. He's so frustrated, he can't even speak. So, he asks Emily to speak for him] Em-Emily, will-will you please tell her what I'm... what I'm trying to say?

Emily Hartley: [Emily, who's been sitting quietly on the couch, stands up, and faces Ellen] Well, you see, what -I-I think Bob…[Emily looks toward Bob,as if she's seeing if he's agreeing with what she's saying]…is trying to say, is that he's [Emily turns back towards Ellen and Howard] concerned, because you and Howard were—[Emily pauses, and re-starts, again]—well, you know, I-I-I th-think it's the distance, with... [Emily looks like she's totally confused, and stops talking, and turns to Bob] Bob, I haven't the slightest idea what you're trying to say.”
— Emily Hartley, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 3: Big Brother is Watching
Tagged: Confusion, Stuttering
“I'm not wearing a girdle. I feel loose as a goose!”
— Mrs. Cowens, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 3: We Love You... Good-Bye
Tagged: girdles, women's liberation, loose as a goose
“Howard Borden: Then I'll just say... Checkers!

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Checkmate.

Howard Borden: Whatever.”
— Erik Tarloff, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 3: Jerry Robinson Crusoe
Tagged: checkers, Chess, Checkmate, whatever
“Howard Borden: Hi, Bob. Do you think I should be buried or cremated?

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Howard, I've always felt you should be bronzed.”
— Howard Borden, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 4: The Longest Good-Bye
Tagged: burial, Cremation, Bronzing
“Emily Hartley: [Howard—dressed like Tobin, in head-to-toe leather, and Ellen are over at Bob and Emily's. John Tobin's left—finally] Howard, you are incredible.

Howard Borden: I don't mean to be. I just want my girl back, that's all.

Ellen Hartley: [laughing] Oh, Howard... [smiling, and looking at Howard]
...you never lost me.

Howard Borden: [Quietly, looking at Ellen] I didn't?

Ellen Hartley: [Ellen mumbles 'no'] Hmmm. But, why did you have to act so crazy? I mean, all you had to do is stay out of it, and let me handle it in my own way.

Howard Borden: [Howard instantly points at Bob] Bob told me to do it.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [Quizzically] What?

Howard Borden: [Shrugs his shoulders] You told me to 'go with my feelings.'

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [Bob looks at Emily] Well, yeah, but, I-I didn't charge you for it.

Emily Hartley: Howard; I'm sure Bob didn't tell you to go out and buy a leather sweatsuit, or, or to spend a fortune in overseas phone calls. Or come to the airport dressed like Snoopy!”
— Howard Borden, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 3: Tobin's Back in Town
Tagged: Dating, Desperation, blaming, snoopy
“Ellen Hartley: Howard, I want to tell you something but I don't want you getting all jealous.

Howard Borden: You don't have to worry about that anymore. I don't have a jealous bone in my whole body.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: I'm surprised you can walk.”
— Howard Borden, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 3: Tobin's Back in Town
Tagged: Jealous, Literal
“Emily Hartley: How about that, Bob? There may be life on Jupiter.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Great. You can fix Carol up with it.”
— Robert Hartley, The Bob Newhart Show, Season 4: Carol's Wedding
Tagged: Extraterrestrial Life, jupiter, Desperation
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