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The Andy Griffith Show Quotes

“I always enjoy cutting Barney's hair. His ears kind of wing out and it gives you room to work.”
— Floyd Lawson, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: Barney's Physical
Tagged: Big Ears
“Sheriff Andy Taylor: There goes a happy man.

Deputy Barney Fife: There goes a happy nut.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: Ernest T. Bass Joins the Army
Tagged: Happy, Man, Nut
“I'm sick of the whole thing, too. You try to bring two people together and what do you get? Heartaches!”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: Man in the Middle
Tagged: Heartache
“Barney, you want my honest opinion? I don't believe that dog can find his own food dish.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: Barney's Bloodhound
Tagged: honest opinion, dumb dog
“Opie Taylor: Pa?

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Ope, is this something we can talk about later on?

Opie Taylor: Well, if you could let me have a dime, we wouldn't even have to talk about it.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: A Black Day for Mayberry
Tagged: Begging
“Gomer Pyle: I was wonderin' if you could put me up in a cell till I settle on my feet in someplace.

Andy Taylor: I'll go you one better'n that, Gomer. Come over to the house and stay with me and Opie and Aunt Bee for a few days.

Gomer Pyle: Oh, that's puttin' you out.

Andy Taylor: Glad to have you. Got more room that I know what to do with.

Gomer Pyle: Well it don't seem right.

Andy Taylor: You gotta see the fried chicken Aunt Bee's gotta throw out...

Gomer Pyle: I accept.”
— Gomer Pyle, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: Gomer the House Guest
Tagged: House Guest, fried chicken
“Goober Pyle: Did you know she's been walkin' all over town wearin' it?

Floyd Lawson: Yeah. It's mink!

Goober Pyle: Yeah, she told me. They're vicious little animals, ya know.”
— Goober Pyle, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 6: Aunt Bee on TV
Tagged: mink, Animals, vicious
“Mayor Roy Stoner: Well, I'll admit they sound better'n they did last year...

Andy Taylor: There ya are, boys!

Mayor Roy Stoner: ...but they are still the most disgusting band I have ever heard in all my life.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: The Mayberry Band
Tagged: distaste, Disgust, Backhanded Compliments
“You're both a lot bigger than I am, but this badge represents a lot of people. They're a lot bigger than either one of you. Now, are you gonna get movin'?”
— Aaron Ruben, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Lawman Barney
Tagged: Bravery, bullying, badge
“Ernest T. Bass: I'm no account, Andy. I'm no-count.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: You're not no-count, Earnest. You're just... ignorant, that's all.

Ernest T. Bass: Aw, you're being kind.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: The Education of Ernest T. Bass
Tagged: No-Account, ignorant
“Sheriff Andy Taylor: Now I'm warning you, if you throw one more rock...

Ernest T. Bass: I promise you Sheriff, I won't throw one more rock. [Sheriff Taylor walks away]

Ernest T. Bass: Didn't say nothin' 'bout no brick!”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 6: Malcolm at the Crossroads
Tagged: throwing rocks, promises, Literal
“Aunt Bee Taylor: Oh, Dr. Breen, your sermon has such a wonderful lesson for us.

Andy Taylor: Yes, sir, you really hit the nail right on the head there.

Barney Fife: Yes, sir, that's one subject you just can't talk enough about... SIN.”
— Aunt Bee, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: The Sermon for Today
Tagged: Sin, Sermons
“That poor, blind fool. He don't know it but he's headed right for Heartbreak Alley.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Andy's Rich Girlfriend
Tagged: poor, Blind, Fool, Heartbreak
“All I'm saying is that there are some things beyond the ken of mortal man that shouldn't be tampered with. We don't know everything, Andy. There's plenty goin' on right now in the Twilight Zone that we don't know anything about and I think we oughta stay clear.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: The Haunted House
Tagged: mortal man, beyond the ken, Twilight Zone
“Sheriff Andy Taylor: Look at him go. He's a strange one.

Recruiting Sergeant: He's a wild one.

Deputy Barney Fife: He's a nut.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: Ernest T. Bass Joins the Army
Tagged: strange, Wild, Nut
“Andy Taylor: What do you know about love?

Floyd Lawson: What do I know... about love... about love...A man can't cut hair for thirty years without learning SOMETHING!”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Andy and Opie, Bachelors
Tagged: Love, Barber
“And you better gird your loins, buster. You got a fight on your hands.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Barney's Replacement
Tagged: Gird Your Loins, Fight, Warning
“Barney Fife: It won't work.

Andy Taylor: What won't work?

Barney Fife: You and Peg. That's what won't work. Andy, I hate to have to tell you this but you're gonna have to give her up. Forget about her. Nip it. Nip it in the bud.

Andy Taylor: What're you talkin' about?

Barney Fife: You want me to spell it out for ya, huh? All right, I will. Andy, she is one of the rich, and they are different.

Andy Taylor: Oh, come on.

Barney Fife: No, no, no. They are. They're different. From the minute they're born with that silver spoon in their hands...

Andy Taylor: Mouth.

Barney Fife: Right...life is different.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Andy's Rich Girlfriend
Tagged: Class war, classism, The Rich
“A sandwich sure tastes better with milk.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: A Feud is a Feud
Tagged: Sandwich, milk
“Aunt Bee Taylor: Anything wrong?

Andy Taylor: Afraid so.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Why? What happened?

Andy Taylor: Well, it looks like Opie's gettin' hisself in the habit of stretchin' the truth a little out of shape.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Opie lying? Oh, I can't believe it.

Andy Taylor: Sure looks like it.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Well, what're you going to do?

Andy Taylor: I ain't got much choice. Looks like, to me, he's in for a whippin'.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Oh, Andy.”
— Aunt Bee, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Mr. McBeevee
Tagged: lying, Corporal Punishment, Parenting
“I ain't got time to stand around here and discuss trivial trivialities.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Barney's Replacement
Tagged: Redundancy, trivial
“Mr. Carter: Course I know the reason I'm shootin' at him.

Andy Taylor: Well, how come?

Mr. Carter: Cause he's a Wakefield.

Andy Taylor: What does that mean to you?

Mr. Carter: It means I gotta shoot at him.

Andy Taylor: Well why do you have to shoot at him?

Mr. Carter: Cause he's a Wakefield.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: A Feud is a Feud
Tagged: family feuds
“Well, that's a fine day's work. You've outsmarted justice and you've made a mockery of this court, and you've turned three people against me that I would have sworn would never leave my side. Oh, I can understand a shiny, autographed baseball turning a little boy's head, but I am a little disappointed in Floyd, and I'm real disappointed in my deputy. He's a law officer and ought to know better. Congratulations, ma'am. Been quite a day's work.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Andy and the Woman Speeder
Tagged: Ruined, Friendships
“I don't want him to be the kind of boy lookin' for fights, but I don't want him to run from one when he's in the right.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Opie and the Bully
Tagged: bullies, Self-Defense
“Andy Taylor: Goodbye, goodbye. Partin' is such sweet sorrow that I would say goodbye till it be morrow.

Opie Taylor: What's THAT mean?

Andy Taylor: Well, that means I'd love to set and jaw with ya a while longer, but I got to be a-movin' on.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: A Feud is a Feud
Tagged: Oxymorons, Goodby, Sweet Sorrow, Moving On
“Opie Taylor: What's a soliloquy?

Andy Taylor: Well a soliloquy is where you kind of look away off and kinda talk to yourself.

Opie Taylor: Oh.

Andy Taylor: They used to do that a whole lot back then. You do it today and somebody will take you away.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: A Feud is a Feud
Tagged: Soliloquy, Talking To Yourself
“Well, what would ANY husband say to his widow? Thank her for the nice funeral she gave you, for the kind words on your headstone. Why, you got a lot to talk about. Look alive, now.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Opie's Charity
Tagged: husband, Widow, headstone, Morbid
“Sheriff Andy Taylor: Now, you can't be serious about resignin'. What in the world will you do?

Deputy Barney Fife: Oh, I-I don't know. I could go up to the pickle factory. They always need a brine tester.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Andy the Matchmaker
Tagged: Resigning, Pickle Factory
“I once knew a horse that didn't even know how to fix a sore finger. Played a great guitar, but was nothin' with first aid.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Runaway Kid
Tagged: Horse, Surreal, Guitar
“You better hush. I'll arrest you for bein' a disorderly corpse.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Opie's Charity
Tagged: Hush, Disorderly Corpse
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