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The Andy Griffith Show Quotes

“I'm sick of the whole thing, too. You try to bring two people together and what do you get? Heartaches!”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: Man in the Middle
Tagged: Heartache
“Barney, you want my honest opinion? I don't believe that dog can find his own food dish.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: Barney's Bloodhound
Tagged: honest opinion, dumb dog
“Opie Taylor: Pa?

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Ope, is this something we can talk about later on?

Opie Taylor: Well, if you could let me have a dime, we wouldn't even have to talk about it.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: A Black Day for Mayberry
Tagged: Begging
“Gomer Pyle: I was wonderin' if you could put me up in a cell till I settle on my feet in someplace.

Andy Taylor: I'll go you one better'n that, Gomer. Come over to the house and stay with me and Opie and Aunt Bee for a few days.

Gomer Pyle: Oh, that's puttin' you out.

Andy Taylor: Glad to have you. Got more room that I know what to do with.

Gomer Pyle: Well it don't seem right.

Andy Taylor: You gotta see the fried chicken Aunt Bee's gotta throw out...

Gomer Pyle: I accept.”
— Gomer Pyle, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: Gomer the House Guest
Tagged: House Guest, fried chicken
“You're both a lot bigger than I am, but this badge represents a lot of people. They're a lot bigger than either one of you. Now, are you gonna get movin'?”
— Aaron Ruben, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Lawman Barney
Tagged: Bravery, bullying, badge
“Ernest T. Bass: I'm no account, Andy. I'm no-count.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: You're not no-count, Earnest. You're just... ignorant, that's all.

Ernest T. Bass: Aw, you're being kind.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: The Education of Ernest T. Bass
Tagged: No-Account, ignorant
“Sheriff Andy Taylor: Now I'm warning you, if you throw one more rock...

Ernest T. Bass: I promise you Sheriff, I won't throw one more rock. [Sheriff Taylor walks away]

Ernest T. Bass: Didn't say nothin' 'bout no brick!”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 6: Malcolm at the Crossroads
Tagged: throwing rocks, promises, Literal
“All I'm saying is that there are some things beyond the ken of mortal man that shouldn't be tampered with. We don't know everything, Andy. There's plenty goin' on right now in the Twilight Zone that we don't know anything about and I think we oughta stay clear.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: The Haunted House
Tagged: mortal man, beyond the ken, Twilight Zone
“Sheriff Andy Taylor: Look at him go. He's a strange one.

Recruiting Sergeant: He's a wild one.

Deputy Barney Fife: He's a nut.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: Ernest T. Bass Joins the Army
Tagged: strange, Wild, Nut
“And you better gird your loins, buster. You got a fight on your hands.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Barney's Replacement
Tagged: Gird Your Loins, Fight, Warning
“A sandwich sure tastes better with milk.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: A Feud is a Feud
Tagged: Sandwich, milk
“Aunt Bee Taylor: Anything wrong?

Andy Taylor: Afraid so.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Why? What happened?

Andy Taylor: Well, it looks like Opie's gettin' hisself in the habit of stretchin' the truth a little out of shape.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Opie lying? Oh, I can't believe it.

Andy Taylor: Sure looks like it.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Well, what're you going to do?

Andy Taylor: I ain't got much choice. Looks like, to me, he's in for a whippin'.

Aunt Bee Taylor: Oh, Andy.”
— Aunt Bee, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Mr. McBeevee
Tagged: lying, Corporal Punishment, Parenting
“Mr. Carter: Course I know the reason I'm shootin' at him.

Andy Taylor: Well, how come?

Mr. Carter: Cause he's a Wakefield.

Andy Taylor: What does that mean to you?

Mr. Carter: It means I gotta shoot at him.

Andy Taylor: Well why do you have to shoot at him?

Mr. Carter: Cause he's a Wakefield.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: A Feud is a Feud
Tagged: family feuds
“I don't want him to be the kind of boy lookin' for fights, but I don't want him to run from one when he's in the right.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Opie and the Bully
Tagged: bullies, Self-Defense
“Opie Taylor: What's a soliloquy?

Andy Taylor: Well a soliloquy is where you kind of look away off and kinda talk to yourself.

Opie Taylor: Oh.

Andy Taylor: They used to do that a whole lot back then. You do it today and somebody will take you away.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: A Feud is a Feud
Tagged: Soliloquy, Talking To Yourself
“Well, what would ANY husband say to his widow? Thank her for the nice funeral she gave you, for the kind words on your headstone. Why, you got a lot to talk about. Look alive, now.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Opie's Charity
Tagged: husband, Widow, headstone, Morbid
“Sheriff Andy Taylor: Now, you can't be serious about resignin'. What in the world will you do?

Deputy Barney Fife: Oh, I-I don't know. I could go up to the pickle factory. They always need a brine tester.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Andy the Matchmaker
Tagged: Resigning, Pickle Factory
“I once knew a horse that didn't even know how to fix a sore finger. Played a great guitar, but was nothin' with first aid.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Runaway Kid
Tagged: Horse, Surreal, Guitar
“You better hush. I'll arrest you for bein' a disorderly corpse.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Opie's Charity
Tagged: Hush, Disorderly Corpse
“Opie Taylor: Go on, pa. You gotta fall down and die.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, I'll tell you the truth, son. I just got other things to do. I'm just too blame busy to die right now.

Opie Taylor: Aw, shucks.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: I'll die a little later on if I get the chance, though.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Runaway Kid
Tagged: Deferred Gratification
“Oh, Aunt Bee, what they got in mind for me is as clear as the nose on a warthog's face.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Irresistible Andy
Tagged: clear as the nose on a warthog's face
“Opie Taylor: [entering the courthouse] Hi. You seen my pa? He's the sheriff.

Bobby Fleet: You mean he's human enough to have kids?

Opie Taylor: Huh?

Bobby Fleet: Never mind. He stepped out for a minute.

Opie Taylor: Oh. [looking at all the fellas] Pa musta rounded up a gang. You look like from the city. Are you a criminal?

Bobby Fleet: According to your pa I am.

Opie Taylor: Pa's never wrong. What crime did you do, criminal?

Bobby Fleet: I didn't do anything. Your old man framed the whole thing—the hick troublemaker. [Offended at this, Opie kicks Bobby in the shin]”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: The Guitar Player
Tagged: Criminals, Gang
“Deputy Barney Fife: He got the drop on me.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: You mean he had a gun?

Deputy Barney Fife: Ugh...well...he has NOW.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: The Manhunt
Tagged: Got the Drop, Ineptitude
“Deputy Barney Fife: You'll never guess what's happened. Something big.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, what is it?

Deputy Barney Fife: Biggest thing ever happened in Mayberry. REAL big. Big. BIG big.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, now, now just simmer down, Barney. What is it?

Deputy Barney Fife: Well, I'm tryin' to tell ya.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, so far, all I know is it's something big.

Deputy Barney Fife: Oh, 'big' ain't the word for it.”
— Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: The Manhunt
Tagged: big, Hinting, Beating around the bush
“Opie Taylor: Can I run away from home?

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Uh... you... you want to run away from home? Well, now, uh, if-if-if that's what you got on your mind, well, you-you goin' about it all wrong.

Opie Taylor: I am?

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Oh, yeah. You ain't supposed to ask your pa.

Opie Taylor: But you always said I should never go anyplace far without gettin' your permission.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, yeah, I know I did say that, but, uh, see-see, running away from home is a little special. See, what you do in a case like that is first you write a note SAYIN' that you're runnin' away, and then you do it.

Opie Taylor: You mean to tell me that's all there is to it?

Sheriff Andy Taylor: That's all.

Opie Taylor: But I don't know how to write.

Sheriff Andy Taylor: That does make a problem.”
— Opie Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: The New Housekeeper
Tagged: Runaway, Running Away From Home
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