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Rocko's Modern Life Quotes

“You know, Spunky, sometimes grocery day can be a very dangerous day, but at least we got food.”
— Rocko (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: Rocko's Happy Sack / Flu-In-U-Enza
“Heffer Wolfe: [comes bursting into Rocko's house] Rocko! Do you still have Filburt's diary?

Rocko: [hides the diary behind his back] No! I mean, yes. But I wasn't reading it. If that's what you mean.

Heffer Wolfe: I just gotta see it! It's all I think about! I can't sleep, I can't think! I can't even eat! Well... okay, I can eat.”
— Rocko (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 4: The High Five of Doom / Fly Burgers
“Rocko: [referring to Filburt's diary] Look, Heff, if I let you see one page, then will you be satisfied?

Heffer Wolfe: Yes. I'll be satisfied.

Heffer Wolfe: [Heffer starts reading aloud] 'The Earth Log of Filburt Shellbach. I am an alien. For our evil plan to take over this puny planet, see next page.' Well, that's one page.

Rocko: Yup. One page.

Heffer Wolfe: [closes the diary] Play a game of badminton?

Rocko: Um... yeah. Okay.”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 4: The High Five of Doom / Fly Burgers
“Ed Bighead: Hello, my name is Ed Bighead, and I have a meatball problem.”
— Ed Bighead (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 4: S.W.A.K. / Magic Meatball
“Alien: [looking at Heffer's fake crop circles] Who keeps writing this stuff?”
— Alien, Rocko's Modern Life, Season 4: Ed Good, Rocko Bad / Teed Off
“Filburt: Uh, guys?

Rocko, Heffer Wolfe: You're nauseous.

Filburt: Right.

[vomits off-screen]”
— Filburt Turtle (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 4: With Friends Like These / Sailing the Seven Zzz's
“Elkie: [whispers to Heffer] Your family are wolves?

Heffer Wolfe: Oh, I was adopted.

Elkie: [whispering] I didn't realize.

Heffer Wolfe: So, would you like to see some embarrassing pictures of me as a child?

Elkie: Sure.

[They leave the room]

George Wolfe: [whispering] VIRGINIA, SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

Virginia Wolfe: [whispering] Now, dear. Just be glad he got her here at all.

George Wolfe: Well, I think he's getting a little TOO friendly with the main course.

Virginia Wolfe: Well, Heffer's always been very fond of food.

George Wolfe: Why can't I have any normal offspring!”
— George Wolfe (voice) / Virginia Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 3: An Elk for Heffer / Scrubbin' Down Under
“Rocko: [after a crowd song that he missed] Why was everyone singing?

Heffer: We just got a song in our hearts!

Rocko: How is it you all know the words? Did you rehearse?

Heffer: Yeah, every Thursday. Didn't you see the flyers?”
— Rocko (voice) / Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 3: Zanzibar / Fatal Contraption
“Cult Leader: We're bowling for sinners today!

Rocko: You can't chuck bowling balls at us.

Cult Leader: Yes, we can. Says so right here in the Book of Bratwurst. "If there be one among you who does not follow the way of the schnitzel, let that one go and do not throw bowling balls at him."

Rocko: Well then, see? It says let us go.

Cult Leader: It's a matter of interpretation.”
— Rocko (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 3: The Emperor's New Joe / Schnit-heads
“Heffer Wolfe: Hey, Rock, you wanna move to France?

Rocko: Not really.

Heffer Wolfe: Naw. Me neither.”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 3: Bye, Bye Birdie / Belch of Destiny
“Heffer Wolfe: [to Rocko] You're blind as a bat.

Bat: Hey! Listen, bud! We bats are sick and tired of these stereotypes! We got enough problems with the whole 'vampire' shtick without being classified as visually impaired!

Heffer Wolfe: Sorry.

Bat: [bumps into a wall] 'Scuse me, ma'am.

[Bat bumps into something else]

Bat: Oh. Sorry, sir.”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 2: Short Story / Eyes-capades
“Heffer Wolfe: Hey, Crod, you wanna get some ice cream?

Crod: [a caveman frozen in ice] Crod don't like ice cream.

Heffer Wolfe: Oh, I knew you were a burger man.”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 2: Snowballs / Frog's Best Friend
“Ed Bighead: [to Rocko and Filburt] Now, let's get you boys some shoes, hmm.

Ed Bighead: [to Ferb] Ferb, some shoes for the opposing team.

Ferb: Are they a real team?

Ed Bighead: They got shirts, don't they!”
— Ed Bighead (voice) / Bev Bighead (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 2: Hair Licked / Gutter Balls
“[Filburt runs into Dr. Hutchison working at a pharmacy]

Filburt Turtle: Hey, I thought you were a surgeon.

Dr. Paula Hutchison: I was, but I just couldn't cut it.”
— Filburt Turtle (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 2: Hut Sut Raw / Kiss Me, I'm Foreign
“Rocko: [pulls up to a sign and reads it] 'Don't even think about parking here.'

[starts to think]

Beaver Policeman: Ahah. Caught ya.

Rocko: Oh, no, officer. I was, uh, thinking of something else.

Beaver Policeman: Oh, yeah? What?

Rocko: Uh, well, I...

Beaver Policeman: Yeah, right. Tell it to the judge.

[gives him a ticket]”
— Rocko (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 2: Boob Tubed / Commuted Sentence
“Rocko: I know the secret for getting rid of stage fright!

Filburt Shellbach: You do? Tell me, tell me!

Rocko: Just picture the audience... naked!

[Rocko pushes Filburt on stage, but Filburt freezes up and goes back]

Filburt Shellbach: I can't do it. It's way too disgusting.

[Rocko pokes his head out of the curtain]

Rocko: Yuck! Open mic night is a very dangerous night.”
— Filburt Turtle (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 2: The Lounge Singer / She's the Toad
“Rocko, Heffer Wolfe: [reading from the manual] How to Turn Off Your Suck-O-Matic.

[the Suck-O-Matic sucks some pages from the manual]

Rocko, Heffer Wolfe: [reading] In case Suck-O-Matic sucks instructions, see page 101.

[the Suck-O-Matic sucks some more pages from the manual]

Rocko, Heffer Wolfe: [reading] "PREPARE TO DIE"?”
— Rocko (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: A Sucker for the Suck-O-Matic / Canned
“Heffer Wolfe: [writing Rocko's personals ad] Marsupial with big hairy chest seeking female with same. Will suck the fillings out of your teeth if you let me. I am adventurous and will try anything once. Twice if you're lucky!”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: Who's for Dinner? / Love Spanked
“Rocko: Come on, Hef. Let's go. I think I'm bleeding internally.”
— Rocko (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: Carnival Knowledge / Sand in Your Nave
“Heffer Wolfe: Give me another double order of fries.

Bartender: Sorry, pal. I think you've had enough.

Heffer Wolfe: I'll tell you when I've had enough, you greasy plate jockey!”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: Who's for Dinner? / Love Spanked
“Ed Bighead: [looking through binoculars] Bev, I can't believe it! Do you know what that weirdo next door is up to?

Bev Bighead: Oh, shut up and mind your own business, Ed.

Ed Bighead: But, Bev, they're, well... uh... nude!

Bev Bighead: [looks through Ed's binoculars] Oh, Ed, oh, you're right! Oh, yes! This is disgusting! Quick, Ed, get the telescope out of the hall closet.”
— Ed Bighead (voice) / Bev Bighead (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: Leap Frogs / Bedfellows
“Waitress: Will there be anything else, sir?

Heffer Wolfe: [referring to a pair of chopsticks] Yeah, these plastic things can't cut my burrito.”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: No Pain, No Gain / Who Gives a Buck
“Rocko: We don't need some hoity-toity health club to stay in shape, eh, Heff?

Heffer Wolfe: No way, man! Care for another slice of pizza?

Rocko: I'm feeling the burn!

Heffer Wolfe: Yeah, you should blow on it first. The cheese is hot.”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: No Pain, No Gain / Who Gives a Buck
“Rocko: Thanks for taking me to the doctor, Heffer.

Heffer Wolfe: I wouldn't miss it for the world. These waiting rooms are real freak shows.”
— Heffer Wolfe (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 1: Rocko's Happy Sack / Flu-In-U-Enza
“Ed Bighead: Rocko, what're you doing?

Rocko: [With a paddle in his hand] We're playing spank the monkey.”
— Rocko (voice), Rocko's Modern Life, Season 2: Hair Licked / Gutter Balls
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