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Murphy Brown Quotes

“Murphy: [in labor] Jim, cut me open! Cut me open and get this kid out of me! Use a scalpel, use a pocket-knife, use a rotten, stinking melon-baller if you have to, just do it! [Corky comes in with a plastic cup]

Corky: Here's some ice cubes, Murphy. Can I put some in your mouth, I see your hands are full.

Murphy: Screw the ice cubes, Corky! You're a woman, you gotta help me! Smother me with the pillow! Do it for sisterhood! Do it for Betty Fernand! Kill me now!

Jim: [looking at the monitor] She's going to blow! [everyone ducks as the next contraction hits and Murphy screams]”
— Murphy Brown, Murphy Brown, Season 4: Birth 101
Tagged: Labor, Pregnancy, labor pains, Panic
“Murphy Brown: At least tonight wasn't a total loss, we got to hear that great 'high sea' joke! I'm telling you, if Moses had had material like that, the Pharaoh woulda let your people go a hell of a lot sooner.

Miles Silverberg: Yeah, like I'm going to take comedy tips from a shiksa.

Jim Dial: I can't wait to see the mail we get on this one!”
— Miles Silverberg, Murphy Brown, Season 6: Political Correctness
Tagged: shiksa, Anti-Gentile, Moses, Pharaoh, You People
“Oh yeah? Well I can't take ANYTHING you say seriously with that stupid accent. You sound like you should be 'plottink beeg trabble for moose and skvirrel'!”
— Murphy Brown, Murphy Brown, Season 1: Moscow on the Potomac
Tagged: Russophobia, Anti-Russian Stereotypes, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Boris Badenov
“Oh god, my body's making milk. It's like one day discovering you can get bacon out of your elbow.”
— Murphy Brown, Murphy Brown, Season 4: Birth 101
Tagged: lactation
“I already know how to breathe and I am the last person who needs lessons on how to push.”
— Murphy Brown, Murphy Brown, Season 4: He-Ho, He-Ho, It's Off to Lamaze We Go
Tagged: Pregnancy, Labor
“Corky: [panicking over her upcoming wedding] Murphy, you may not know this but I'm a virgin. [Corky sobs and Murphy smirks]

Murphy: Frank owes me fifty bucks.”
— Corky Sherwood, Murphy Brown, Season 2: Going to the Chapel
Tagged: virgin, Bets
“I'm dying. I'm dying or I'm fired. [he has a horrified thought] Or my mother's visiting!”
— Frank Fontana, Murphy Brown, Season 2: Here's to You Mrs. Kinsella
Tagged: mother, Dying, Fired
“Murphy: You know, a lot of things went through my head in the last fifty-six minutes, but the same thought kept coming back to me. You saw your brass ring and you went for it. It took a lot of chutzpah. I have to respect a person for that.

Corky: Gee, Murphy, I'm so glad you feel that way.

Murphy: I should mention one other thing however, do anything like this again and you're dead.

Corky: [Corky laughs] Okay.

Murphy: No, understand this. It's not just an idle threat or colorful exaggeration. I know people. It would happen. It could be fast or painful and lingering. Water, cement, without a trace or well placed bits and pieces. All my choice.

Corky: I understand.”
— Murphy Brown, Murphy Brown, Season 1: Devil With a Blue Dress On
Tagged: chutzpah, Threats
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