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Married

(33 total)

Married is a half hour comedy about being miserably in love. Russ and Lina Bowman can barely remember what life was like before kids, debt, and suburbia rained on their romance -- but every once in a while, in between the arguments about their declining s

Seasons

Season 1 (3)Season 2

Characters

Ed O'Neill (27)Al Bundy (27)Ron Leavitt (8)Kevin Curran (5)Ellen L. Fogle (3)Andrew Garland (3)Arthur Silver (3)Lina Bowman (2)Sandy Sprung (2)Michael G. Moye (2)

Don't try and out-sad me. I am the king of sad.

— Andrew Garland, AJ, Brett Gelman, imdb.com

Sad king upset

I mean I get it, you were doing a really cute thing and I messed it all up.

— Andrew Garland, Lina Bowman, Judy Greer, imdb.com

Cute Messed Up ruin

Lina Bowman: This surprise better not be AIDS. Russ: Herpes? Lina Bowman: [laughing] You already gave me herpes.

— Andrew Garland, Lina Bowman, Judy Greer, imdb.com

Herpes AIDS

I’ve had a rotten day, and I'm in a foul mood. A fat woman came into the shoe store today and said that she was a size five. I shoved her hoof into a shoe, my thumb got stuck in the back of the shoe. She panicked, reared up, and galloped around the store, dragging me on the floor behind her. Thank G…

— Ellen L. Fogle, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Misery Working Class Fat-Shaming

I Care, by Al Bundy. When hooters jiggle around and I find nickels on the ground, I care. When a Mustang engine purrs and the bathroom is not hers, I care. When the pitcher's on the mound and the wife is underground, I care. But when I've been playing this for days, I will kill anyone who stays. I s…

— Kevin Curran, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Poetry Hooters Mustang bathroom Murder

I don't have to fall asleep after sex. I want to fall asleep after sex. I welcome the darkness.

— Ron Leavitt, Arthur Silver, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Sex Darkness Bad Sex

Dad had one great dream, a dream that had been handed down from generation to generation of male Bundys: to build their own room and live separately from their wives. Sadly, they all failed.

— Kevin Curran, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Failure Generations Dead Bedrooms Loveless Marriage

You're a dead man. Today is the first day of the end of your life.

— Ron Leavitt, Michael G. Moye, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Dead Man Death Threat

Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, and never get anything back! Besides, the car isn't worth more than 100 bucks with both kids in it.

— Arthur Silver, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Bad Dads Marriage Slavery Insurance

This is bad. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the wife in the backyard.

— Bill Prady, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Misogyny Murder

Hey, wait a minute, guys. I know I'm the new guy here and its not my place to speak up, but what are we doing? We're men. We were put on this planet to...well, I don't know what we're put on this planet to do—but we're here, damn it! And we're Americans and we have the right to use the best toilet s…

— Stacie Lipp, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Yankee Doodle Dandy Russki Frenchman Men Toilet Rights

Feed me, or feed me to something. I just want to be part of the food chain.

— Arthur Silver, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Hunger Food Chain

Love, hate. Look, we're a family, what's the difference?

— Stacie Lipp, Gabrielle Topping, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Love Hate Family Dysfunctional Families

I left you plenty of food. It's at the supermarket.

— Kevin Curran, Peggy Bundy, Katey Sagal, imdb.com

Love, hate, look, we're a family, what's the difference?

— Katey Sagal, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

What's it gonna be this time, Bink? Hand grenade down the pants? Spear in the pelvis? Impale me on a fence? Come on Bink, don't keep me in suspense here. The wife need a new car!

— Sandy Sprung, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Come on, Jefferson, it's just us, some beer, and some Mexican strippers. What could happen?

— Gerry Cohen, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Well, I guess it's true what they say: you are what you marry.

— Kevin Curran, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

We're gonna go where people pretend to want to go when they can't afford to go someplace good. We're gonna see America. We take no map. We'll follow the sun. Stay in cheap motels and steal what we need along the way. We go west, past the cheese factories, where the air is fresh, the sky is big, and…

— Ron Leavitt, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

America Road Trips

That is the problem with everything. They try and make it better without realizing the old is fine.

— Ron Leavitt, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com

Old-Fashioned New And Improved

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