1. Home
    2.  › 
  2. TV Quotes
    3.  › 
  3. I Love Lucy

I Love Lucy Quotes

“Ricky Ricardo: [discussing operetta Lucy wrote, but does not know she wrote it] Who wrote this thing, anyway?

Lucy Ricardo: Who wrote it? Have you ever heard of Victor Herbert?

Ricky Ricardo: Yeah.

Lucy Ricardo: Well all right, then.”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 2: The Operetta
Tagged: operetta, victor herbert
“Lucy Ricardo: How'd you know all that stuff?

Ricky Ricardo: Who do you think you married, some country pumpkin?”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Lucy Gets Ricky on the Radio
Tagged: country bumpkin, Misheard
“Well, I'm your Vitavigavegivat Girl. Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? [pause] Well, are you? The answer to all your problems is in this little ol' bottle, Vitameatavegamin. [Checks the bottle label] That's it. Vitameatavegamin contains vitamins, meat, megetables and vinerals. So why don't you join the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitaveatyvemeanyminimoe. I'll tell you what you have to do. You have to take a whole tablespoonful after every meal. It's so tasty too. It's just like candy. [Takes a bit of time, if not too much, trying to sample the liquid.] Finally... [slurred speech] So everybody get a bottle of... [pointing at the bottle] This stuff.”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Freezer
“[confessing to Lucy he didn't know the answers] All I know is Columbus discover' Ohio in 1776.”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Lucy Gets Ricky on the Radio
Tagged: Columbus, Ohio, 1776, Bad History
“Don't ask questions, just get a knife and a fork and a bottle of ketchup and follow me to the biggest barbecue in the whole world.”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Freezer
Tagged: Ketchup, Barbecue
“Fred Mertz: You don't think she's a kleptomaniac, do you?

Ricky Ricardo: No, I think she just steals.”
— Fred Mertz, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Marriage License
Tagged: Kleptomaniac, synonyms
“Ricky Ricardo: I need someone with 'sperience.

Lucy Ricardo: Well I've had 'sperience.”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Freezer
Tagged: ESL, accents
“Ricky Ricardo: What do you want me to do, starve to death?

Lucy Ricardo: Would you, please?”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Freezer
Tagged: starve to death, argument
“Ricky Ricardo: I was clearing out the desk and I found this.

Lucy Ricardo: Why, it's our marriage license.

Ricky Ricardo: Yeah.

Lucy Ricardo: Well, what's the matter? Don't tell me it's expired!”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Marriage License
Tagged: marriage license, expired
“Lucy Ricardo: Now really, Ricky, it's up to us to get Fred and Ethel back together again. Say you'll help me?

Ricky Ricardo: Well, it would be nice. And I guess after you've gone through all this trouble and this far, the cast is dead.

Lucy Ricardo: The cast is dead?

Ricky Ricardo: Yeah, you know...

Lucy Ricardo: Don't tell me, don't tell me—the die is cast?

Ricky Ricardo: That's what I said.”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Fred and Ethel Fight
Tagged: ESL, Die Is Cast
“Fred Mertz: She said my mother looks like a weasel.

Lucy Ricardo: Ethel, apologize.

Ethel Mertz: I'm sorry your mother looks like a weasel.”
— Ethel Mertz, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Fred and Ethel Fight
Tagged: Apologies, half-baked apologies, weasel
“Lucy Ricardo: They're going to kill us.

Police Sergeant: Why would they do that?

Lucy Ricardo: So they can assume our identities and blow up the capitol.

Police Sergeant: This is serious.

Lucy Ricardo: You're darned right it is!
These people are spies from a foreign enemy agent.

Police Sergeant: What are their names?

Lucy Ricardo: O'Brien!

Police Sergeant: Lady, have you been nipping the cooking sherry?”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: New Neighbors
Tagged: Drunk, Spies, Paranoia
“Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, were you snooping?

Lucy Ricardo: Yes I was a bad girl and you can spank me tomorrow if there's anything left to spank!”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: New Neighbors
Tagged: Snooping, bad girl, spanking
“Lucy Ricardo: I'm living on borrowed time. It was only by a very clever ruse that I managed to escape from their apartment.

Police Sergeant: What was that?

Lucy Ricardo: I pretended to be a chair.

Police Sergeant: I don't think the police can help you madam, why don't you call an upholsterer?”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: New Neighbors
Tagged: Paranoia, borrowed time
“Arthur: But... You're a woman.

Lucy Ricardo: Yes, my husband likes me that way.”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Young Fans
Tagged: Woman, husband
“Ricky Ricardo: Excuse me, Mrs. Shakespeare, but would you mind telling me what this is all about?

Lucy Ricardo: Well, you see, all the women's clubs in town are having a big play-writing contest.

Ricky Ricardo: I knew it, I knew it. This had to do with the Wednesday Afternoon Fang and Claw Society.

Lucy Ricardo: It's the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League. Gee, just think, if our play wins I just might become a big, famous playwright. I might become another Tennessee Ernie.

Ricky Ricardo: That's Tennessee Williams.

Lucy Ricardo: Oh.”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Lucy Writes a Play
Tagged: play-writing, shakespeare, Tennessee Williams, Tennessee Ernie Ford
“Lucy Ricardo: Fred, you've given me an idea. I'm going to give Ricky scalp treatments. And they'll be so drastic he'll be glad to forget the whole thing.

Fred Mertz: It won't work...

Lucy Ricardo: Why not?

Fred Mertz: Nothing has ever been invented that a man won't try if he thinks he can get his hair back.

Lucy Ricardo: Oh, yeah? Well, you haven't heard of the 'Lucy Ricardo Torture System of Hair Restoring.'”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Ricky Thinks He is Going Bald
Tagged: hair restoration, scalp treatments, Balding
“Ricky Ricardo: Well, how does it feel to be married to an also been?

Ethel Mertz: An 'also been'?

Lucy Ricardo: He means a has ran.”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Ricky Asks for a Raise
Tagged: also ran, has been
“Ricky Ricardo: Lucy's been acting strange lately!

Fred Mertz: Strange? How can you tell?”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Drafted
Tagged: strange, normal, insults
“Ricky Ricardo: Have you ever heard Lucy sing?

Fred Mertz: No.

Ricky Ricardo: Our fighting men have been through enough.”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Drafted
Tagged: bad singer
“Some people build model airplanes. Ethel reads postcards.”
— Fred Mertz, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Drafted
Tagged: Hobbies, postcards, insults
“Ricky Ricardo: Aw, honey, I don't care anything about that new dancer.

Lucy Ricardo: Hah!

Ricky Ricardo: Aw, honey, you can trust me.

Lucy Ricardo: I can, huh?

Ricky Ricardo: Why sure. I'm as faithful as an old dog.

Lucy Ricardo: Yeah, old Rover!”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Lucy is Jealous of Girl Singer
Tagged: Cheating, Trust
“Mr. Merriweather: My horoscope says no more business after noon today.

Lucy Ricardo: Oh, you follow horoscopes?

Mr. Merriweather: Yes! I'm Scorpio.

Lucy Ricardo: I'm Taurus.

Ricky Ricardo: I'm cooked.”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Séance
Tagged: Horoscopes, Scorpio, Taurus
“Ricky Ricardo: Listen, Professor, can you play that thin'?

Lucy Ricardo: What thin?

Ricky Ricardo: Never mind makin' fun of my English.

Lucy Ricardo: That's English?”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Audition
Tagged: spanish, english, accents
“Lucy Ricardo: Y'know, I've been thinking about shows like Burns and Allen. George Burns uses his wife on the show. Why don't you?

Ricky Ricardo: I'd love to! Do you think she would leave George?”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Audition
Tagged: Burns and Allen, George Burns, Gracie Burns, Radio Show
“Now, Ricky, listen to me, please, listen to me! That's what they asked me to do at the radio program in order to win that thousand dollars, and I came home and I tried to do it, and I don't know who that first man was, but I was never married to him, and this is the man from the program, and he's my real first husband, but I was never married to him either, and that's the truth, so help me!”
— Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Quiz Show
Tagged: Marriage, false marriage, game show
“Ricky Ricardo: She seems to have some idea that I'm going to kill her.

Fred Mertz: That doesn't mean anything. Sooner or later, every married woman decides that her husband wants to kill her. She's usually right.”
— Fred Mertz, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Lucy Thinks Ricky Is Trying to Murder Her
Tagged: Murder, Bad Marriage, murder fantasy
“Ricky Ricardo: Lucy's acting crazy!

Fred Mertz: Crazy for Lucy or crazy for ordinary people?”
— Fred Mertz, I Love Lucy, Season 1: Lucy Thinks Ricky Is Trying to Murder Her
Tagged: crazy crazy, regular crazy
“Fred Mertz: Hey Rick, are you doing anything Monday night?

Ricky Ricardo: I don't think so. It's my night off, why?

Fred Mertz: I'd like you to join me in commemoration of an 18-year-old tragedy.

Ricky Ricardo: What do you mean?

Fred Mertz: Well, it's our wedding anniversary.

Ricky Ricardo: Oh, you want us to join you in the celebration?

Fred Mertz: I'd prefer to think of it as a grim reminder.”
— Ricky Ricardo, I Love Lucy, Season 1: The Girls Want to Go to a Nightclub
Tagged: Tragedy, Misery, wedding anniversary
loading next page...