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Home Improvement

(41 total)

Home Improvement is an American television sitcom starring Tim Allen, that aired from September 17, 1991 to May 25, 1999. The show was created by Matt Williams, Carmen Finestra and David McFadzean. In the 1990s, it was one of the most watched sitcoms in t

Seasons

Season 1 (27)Season 2 (9)Season 3 (5)

Characters

Tim Taylor (28)Tim Allen (28)Marley Sims (6)Susan Estelle Jansen (5)Jill Taylor (5)Patricia Richardson (5)Elliot Stern (5)Howard J. Morris (4)Jonathan Taylor Thomas (4)Carmen Finestra (4)

That's a nice costume, Mrs. Taylor. You can't even tell how fat you are.

— Bob Bendetson, Curtis, Aaron Freeman, imdb.com

Backhanded Compliments

Brad: We got everything except the garlic gloves. Jill: Garlic gloves? It's garlic cloves, honey. Randy: Oh, so we had Mark sniffing gloves for nothing.

— Bob Bendetson, Bruce Ferber, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

cloves gloves

Tim: My sons are interested in baseball cards as an investment, and they don't wanna get ripped off. Salesman: Sorry, all we do here is rip people off. Store policy.

— Bob Bendetson, Bruce Ferber, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

ripoff baseball cards

Randy: Did you rebel against your father? Tim: He died before I could be a real jerk. Randy: He'd be proud if he could see you now.

— Howard J. Morris, Randy Taylor, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, imdb.com

rebel Jerk

Jill: Why are you so fascinated with fighting? I don't want anybody to beat anybody up. What is wrong with you people? You make me sick. I just want you to love each other, you big bunch of jerks. Tim: [to Brad and Randy] Er, you satisfied? You know she was talking to you two.

— Billy Riback, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

Fighting Jerks

If I wanted something my brother had, I'd knock him down and take it.

— Howard Michael Gould, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Sibling rivalry

Randy: My dad's been in the hospital so much they gave him a preferred customer card. Tim: Yeah, one more head injury and we win a trip to Hawaii.

— Howard J. Morris, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

hospital head injury

Tim: I didn't bug you during childbirth. Jill: No, but you bugged me during conception.

— Howard J. Morris, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

Man-bashing Childbirth Conception

Tim: I go to the opera with you. Jill: Oh, once. I've sat through three Rambo movies. When was the last time you took me to a foreign film? Tim: Didn't we just see Le Robocop?

— Billy Riback, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

french rambo robocop Opera

Jill: Wilson, do you think humans are more important than machines? Wilson: Without a doubt. Although, I am awfully fond of my waffle maker. Jill: Well could you please tell that to the knucklehead I'm married to? Wilson: Oh, he knows. He's had my waffles.

— B.K. Taylor, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

humans Machines

Jill: I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you. Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me? Jill: Oh no one, you know, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my cousins, the minister, the post man, some guy down at the mail box, you know, oh and Sheila, who said to me, 'Don't marry…

— Maxine Lapiduss, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Husband-Bashing Misandry

Tim: If I ever said it was hard living with you, just say one word, 'Al'. Jill: It's that bad, huh? Tim: His mother recorded his whole life on video tape. Last night it was three hours of Muskie Fishing With Uncle Phil. Did you know that in the seventh grade he built a replica of the Washington Monu…

— Billy Riback, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

washington Monument

Tim: How many times have you been married? Fred: Three. Tim: Why do you suppose that is? Fred: I can't find a woman who understands me.

— Allison M. Gibson, Marley Sims, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Marriage Misunderstood Self-awareness

If a woman holds up a stop sign, if she designed it, it would say 'If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now.'

— B.K. Taylor, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Women Evasiveness Beating around the bush

Tim: There's two different types of pain. Pain and man pain. Mark: What's man pain? Tim: Man pain is when you do something stupid.

— Howard J. Morris, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Pain Man Pain

Jill Taylor: I don't wanna be a nagging wife. Tim Taylor: Then, how would I recognize you?

— Carmen Finestra, Matt Williams, Jill Taylor, Patricia Richardson, imdb.com

nagging wife

Al: Anyone can do what you do. Tim: Oh, really? You think you could do what I do? Al: Oh, please. How hard could it be to tell bad jokes and screw up all the time? Tim: A lot harder than it looks.

— Marley Sims, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

Self-deprecation

You don't have to understand a woman. All you have to do is love her.

— Marley Sims, Eddie Phillips, Ernest Borgnine, imdb.com

Love The Way Love Works How To Love A Woman Understanding Woman

Jill Taylor: [the family's out camping and Tim just got back from the car] Oh thank God, I was getting worried. I heard this awful howling. Tim Taylor: Oh, that was me. Couldn't find any leaves, had to use a pine cone.

— Marley Sims, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

public defecation no toilet paper

Brad: I can't dance with my mother. Jill: Hey, I used to change your diaper and powder your butt. Now get over here.

— Carmen Finestra, Matt Williams, Brad Taylor, Zachery Ty Bryan, imdb.com

mother son

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