TV Quotes / Home Improvement

Season

×

Character

×

Home Improvement

Total quotes (41)

Home Improvement

Home Improvement is an American television sitcom starring Tim Allen, that aired from September 17, 1991 to May 25, 1999. The show was created by Matt Williams, Carmen Finestra and David McFadzean. In the 1990s, it was one of the most watched sitcoms in t...

Watch Home Improvement online

Genre:	Comedy
Number Of Seasons:	8
Network:	ABC
Created By:	Carmen Finestra, Matt Williams, David McFadzean
User Score (votes):	7.1 / 10 (146,151)

EditorAlex Gimenez

ScreenplayAllison M. Gibson

Co ProducerBilly Riback

Executive ProducerBob Bendetson

OtherBob Kaufmann

ProducerBruce Ferber

Executive ProducerCarmen Finestra

Script SupervisorCarol McKechnie

Production CoordinatorCaterina N. Fiordellisi

Technical SupervisorChris Donovan

Original Music ComposerDan Foliart

Executive ProducerDavid McFadzean

Production DesignDavid Sackeroff

CastingDeborah Barylski

Director Of PhotographyDonald A. Morgan

Executive ProducerElliot Shoenman

EditorElliott Stern

Associate ProducerFrank McKemy

ProducerGayle Maffeo

AnimationGeoffrey Nelaon

ProducerHoward J. Morris

Post Production SupervisorJim Praytor

DirectorJohn Pasquin

EditorMarco Zappia

HairstylistMaria Valdivia

EditorMarley Sims

Executive ProducerMatt Williams

ProducerMaxine Lapiduss

Set CostumerNicole Gorsuch

Assistant DirectorPeter Filsinger

Set DecorationRick Caprarelli

ProducerRosalind Moore

Costume DesignRudolph Garcia

Executive ConsultantTim Allen

SoundToby Foster

Property MasterWarren Shaffer

Makeup ArtistWendy J. Weiss

See more series information

Writers often seen in this show:

Bob Bendetson, Carmen Finestra, David McFadzean, Elliot Stern, Marley Sims, Matt Williams, Maxine Lapiduss, Peter Tolan, Susan Estelle Jansen

Home Improvement Characters

Season 1 Quotes

Season 2 Quotes

Season 3 Quotes

Trending Shows

Total quotes (41)

You don't have to understand a woman. All you have to do is love her.

— Eddie Phillips (Ernest Borgnine), Home Improvement, Season 1: Birds Of A Feather Flock To Taylor

Love The Way Love Works How To Love A Woman Understanding Woman

Share

Tim: I go to the opera with you.

Jill: Oh, once. I've sat through three Rambo movies. When was the last time you took me to a foreign film?

Tim: Didn't we just see Le Robocop?

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Love Is A Many Splintered Thing

french rambo robocop Opera

Share

That's a nice costume, Mrs. Taylor. You can't even tell how fat you are.

— Curtis (Aaron Freeman), Home Improvement, Season 3: Dollars And Sense

Backhanded Compliments

Share

If I wanted something my brother had, I'd knock him down and take it.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Much Ado About Nana

Sibling rivalry

Share

Mark Taylor: I have a woman—Mommy.

Randy Taylor: Your mommy can't be your woman, doofus.

Tim Taylor: A lot of men pay a psychiatrist a lot of money to figure that one out.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Look Who's Not Talking

Share

Brad: I can't dance with my mother.

Jill: Hey, I used to change your diaper and powder your butt. Now get over here.

— Brad Taylor (Zachery Ty Bryan), Home Improvement, Season 1: Forever Jung

Share

Jill Taylor: I don't wanna be a nagging wife.

Tim Taylor: Then, how would I recognize you?

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 1: Stereo-Typical

Share

Trending Shows

Tim: There's two different types of pain. Pain and man pain.

Mark: What's man pain?

Tim: Man pain is when you do something stupid.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Groin Pains

Share

Randy: My dad's been in the hospital so much they gave him a preferred customer card.

Tim: Yeah, one more head injury and we win a trip to Hawaii.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 3: This Joke's For You

hospital head injury

Share

If a woman holds up a stop sign, if she designed it, it would say 'If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now.'

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Read My Hips

Women Evasiveness Beating around the bush

Share

You know why I like tools? Because they fix things—you tear down a motor, see the problem, it's right there—boom; it's fixed. I wish I could fix things between us that easily.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Nothing More Than Feelings

Share

Tonight, when I'm cookin' that chili, I'll cut up this cauliflower, and we'll tell them we've got rabbit brains in there.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Flying Sauces

chili cauliflower rabbit brains Absurd Gross

Share

Brad Taylor: I don't have any lines.

Randy Taylor: That's because you blew it, you stooge. He was trying out for one of the wise men, and he said they were carrying gold and Frankenstein.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 1: Up Your Alley

frankenstein Frankincense

Share

Randy: Did you rebel against your father?

Tim: He died before I could be a real jerk.

Randy: He'd be proud if he could see you now.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 3: This Joke's For You

Share

Jill Taylor: I thought you said it was a technical problem.

Tim Taylor: Technically, I was the problem.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Bubble, Bubble, Toil And Trouble

technical problem

Share

Tim: My sons are interested in baseball cards as an investment, and they don't wanna get ripped off.

Salesman: Sorry, all we do here is rip people off. Store policy.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 3: Dollars And Sense

ripoff baseball cards

Share

Tim: Jill got mad at me because I didn't listen to her.

Wilson: No, I think she got mad at you because you blew up the damn dishwasher.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Pilot

Mad Listening arguments

Share

This is an excuse, women, and you're not the type to have excuses. You need to be taught. I don't think you're stupid just 'cause you don't know anything....You know, I—that didn't come out right.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Reach Out And Teach Someone

excuses insults

Share

Tim: I didn't bug you during childbirth.

Jill: No, but you bugged me during conception.

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 2: Where There's A Will, There's A Way

Man-bashing Childbirth Conception

Share

Randy Taylor: [referring to himself and Brad] Billy's mom thinks we're perfect little gentlemen.

Tim Taylor: Billy's mom thought she saw Elvis yesterday at the gas station.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 1: Mow Better Blues

Share

Tim: How many times have you been married?

Fred: Three.

Tim: Why do you suppose that is?

Fred: I can't find a woman who understands me.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Luck Be A Taylor Tonight

Marriage Misunderstood Self-awareness

Share

Brad: We got everything except the garlic gloves.

Jill: Garlic gloves? It's garlic cloves, honey.

Randy: Oh, so we had Mark sniffing gloves for nothing.

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 3: Be True To Your Tool

Share

Randy Taylor: [to Sir Larry] Hey, you're great! I saw you at Chris Johnson's birthday party!

Sir Larry Houdini: Ahhh, lovely little girl.

Randy Taylor: Chris is a boy.

Sir Larry Houdini: Strange little boy.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 1: Off Sides

gender confusion

Share

Jill Taylor: Tim, what do you actually know about installing a satellite dish?

Tim Taylor: It's simple. Mount it, point it straight up. Any man could do that.

Jill Taylor: Yeah, but it has to stay up longer than ten seconds.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Satellite On A Hot Tim's Roof

Husband-Bashing

Share

Tim: It's a warning light; didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem?

Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car that the light would get brighter, or there would be a buzzer.

Tim: A buzzer? It's a car, not a game show.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Nothing More Than Feelings

warning light buzzer game show

Share

Home Improvement Characters