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Home Improvement

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Home Improvement

Home Improvement is an American television sitcom starring Tim Allen, that aired from September 17, 1991 to May 25, 1999. The show was created by Matt Williams, Carmen Finestra and David McFadzean. In the 1990s, it was one of the most watched sitcoms in t...

Genre:	Comedy
Number Of Seasons:	8
Network:	ABC
Created By:	Carmen Finestra, Matt Williams, David McFadzean
User Score (votes):	7.1 / 10 (146)

EditorAlex Gimenez

ScreenplayAllison M. Gibson

Co ProducerBilly Riback

Executive ProducerBob Bendetson

OtherBob Kaufmann

ProducerBruce Ferber

Executive ProducerCarmen Finestra

Script SupervisorCarol McKechnie

Production CoordinatorCaterina N. Fiordellisi

Technical SupervisorChris Donovan

Original Music ComposerDan Foliart

Executive ProducerDavid McFadzean

Production DesignDavid Sackeroff

CastingDeborah Barylski

Director Of PhotographyDonald A. Morgan

Executive ProducerElliot Shoenman

EditorElliott Stern

Associate ProducerFrank McKemy

ProducerGayle Maffeo

AnimationGeoffrey Nelaon

ProducerHoward J. Morris

Post Production SupervisorJim Praytor

DirectorJohn Pasquin

EditorMarco Zappia

HairstylistMaria Valdivia

EditorMarley Sims

Executive ProducerMatt Williams

ProducerMaxine Lapiduss

Set CostumerNicole Gorsuch

Assistant DirectorPeter Filsinger

Set DecorationRick Caprarelli

ProducerRosalind Moore

Costume DesignRudolph Garcia

Executive ConsultantTim Allen

SoundToby Foster

Property MasterWarren Shaffer

Makeup ArtistWendy J. Weiss

See more series information

Writers often seen in this show:

Bob Bendetson, Carmen Finestra, David McFadzean, Elliot Stern, Marley Sims, Matt Williams, Maxine Lapiduss, Peter Tolan, Susan Estelle Jansen

Home Improvement Characters

Season 1 Quotes

Season 2 Quotes

Season 3 Quotes

Trending Shows

Total quotes (41)

You don't have to understand a woman. All you have to do is love her.

— Eddie Phillips (Ernest Borgnine), Home Improvement, Season 1: Birds Of A Feather Flock To Taylor

Love The Way Love Works How To Love A Woman Understanding Woman

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Tim: I go to the opera with you.

Jill: Oh, once. I've sat through three Rambo movies. When was the last time you took me to a foreign film?

Tim: Didn't we just see Le Robocop?

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Love Is A Many Splintered Thing

french rambo robocop Opera

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That's a nice costume, Mrs. Taylor. You can't even tell how fat you are.

— Curtis (Aaron Freeman), Home Improvement, Season 3: Dollars And Sense

Backhanded Compliments

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Trending Shows

If I wanted something my brother had, I'd knock him down and take it.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Much Ado About Nana

Sibling rivalry

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Jill Taylor: I don't wanna be a nagging wife.

Tim Taylor: Then, how would I recognize you?

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 1: Stereo-Typical

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Randy: My dad's been in the hospital so much they gave him a preferred customer card.

Tim: Yeah, one more head injury and we win a trip to Hawaii.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 3: This Joke's For You

hospital head injury

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Tim: There's two different types of pain. Pain and man pain.

Mark: What's man pain?

Tim: Man pain is when you do something stupid.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Groin Pains

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Brad: I can't dance with my mother.

Jill: Hey, I used to change your diaper and powder your butt. Now get over here.

— Brad Taylor (Zachery Ty Bryan), Home Improvement, Season 1: Forever Jung

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Mark Taylor: I have a woman—Mommy.

Randy Taylor: Your mommy can't be your woman, doofus.

Tim Taylor: A lot of men pay a psychiatrist a lot of money to figure that one out.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Look Who's Not Talking

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If a woman holds up a stop sign, if she designed it, it would say 'If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now.'

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Read My Hips

Women Evasiveness Beating around the bush

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You know why I like tools? Because they fix things—you tear down a motor, see the problem, it's right there—boom; it's fixed. I wish I could fix things between us that easily.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Nothing More Than Feelings

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Tonight, when I'm cookin' that chili, I'll cut up this cauliflower, and we'll tell them we've got rabbit brains in there.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Flying Sauces

chili cauliflower rabbit brains Absurd Gross

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Randy: Did you rebel against your father?

Tim: He died before I could be a real jerk.

Randy: He'd be proud if he could see you now.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 3: This Joke's For You

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Brad Taylor: I don't have any lines.

Randy Taylor: That's because you blew it, you stooge. He was trying out for one of the wise men, and he said they were carrying gold and Frankenstein.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 1: Up Your Alley

frankenstein Frankincense

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Tim: I didn't bug you during childbirth.

Jill: No, but you bugged me during conception.

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 2: Where There's A Will, There's A Way

Man-bashing Childbirth Conception

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This is an excuse, women, and you're not the type to have excuses. You need to be taught. I don't think you're stupid just 'cause you don't know anything....You know, I—that didn't come out right.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Reach Out And Teach Someone

excuses insults

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Tim: Jill got mad at me because I didn't listen to her.

Wilson: No, I think she got mad at you because you blew up the damn dishwasher.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Pilot

Mad Listening arguments

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Jill Taylor: I thought you said it was a technical problem.

Tim Taylor: Technically, I was the problem.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Bubble, Bubble, Toil And Trouble

technical problem

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Tim: My sons are interested in baseball cards as an investment, and they don't wanna get ripped off.

Salesman: Sorry, all we do here is rip people off. Store policy.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 3: Dollars And Sense

ripoff baseball cards

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Randy Taylor: [referring to himself and Brad] Billy's mom thinks we're perfect little gentlemen.

Tim Taylor: Billy's mom thought she saw Elvis yesterday at the gas station.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 1: Mow Better Blues

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Tim: How many times have you been married?

Fred: Three.

Tim: Why do you suppose that is?

Fred: I can't find a woman who understands me.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Luck Be A Taylor Tonight

Marriage Misunderstood Self-awareness

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Brad: We got everything except the garlic gloves.

Jill: Garlic gloves? It's garlic cloves, honey.

Randy: Oh, so we had Mark sniffing gloves for nothing.

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 3: Be True To Your Tool

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Randy Taylor: [to Sir Larry] Hey, you're great! I saw you at Chris Johnson's birthday party!

Sir Larry Houdini: Ahhh, lovely little girl.

Randy Taylor: Chris is a boy.

Sir Larry Houdini: Strange little boy.

— Randy Taylor (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), Home Improvement, Season 1: Off Sides

gender confusion

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Jill: Why are you so fascinated with fighting? I don't want anybody to beat anybody up. What is wrong with you people? You make me sick. I just want you to love each other, you big bunch of jerks.

Tim: [to Brad and Randy] Er, you satisfied? You know she was talking to you two.

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 2: Karate Or Not, Here I Come

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Jill Taylor: Tim, what do you actually know about installing a satellite dish?

Tim Taylor: It's simple. Mount it, point it straight up. Any man could do that.

Jill Taylor: Yeah, but it has to stay up longer than ten seconds.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Satellite On A Hot Tim's Roof

Husband-Bashing

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Tim: It's a warning light; didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem?

Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car that the light would get brighter, or there would be a buzzer.

Tim: A buzzer? It's a car, not a game show.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Nothing More Than Feelings

warning light buzzer game show

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Jill Taylor: [the family's out camping and Tim just got back from the car] Oh thank God, I was getting worried. I heard this awful howling.

Tim Taylor: Oh, that was me. Couldn't find any leaves, had to use a pine cone.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Baby, It's Cold Outside

public defecation no toilet paper

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Al: Anyone can do what you do.

Tim: Oh, really? You think you could do what I do?

Al: Oh, please. How hard could it be to tell bad jokes and screw up all the time?

Tim: A lot harder than it looks.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: A Battle Of Wheels

Self-deprecation

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Mark Taylor: Are you gonna make Brad and Randy say they're sorry?

Tim Taylor: Well, you have two choices: You either make 'em apologize, or we could get even.

Mark Taylor: Get even!

Tim Taylor: That's my boy!

— Mark Taylor (Taran Noah Smith), Home Improvement, Season 1: Flying Sauces

Apologize get even

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Tim: What about you, Wilson? What are you afraid of?

Wilson: I do have one underlying fear, Tim—I'm afraid that reality, as we know it, is someone else's dream. When the dreamer wakes, I'll no longer exist.

Tim: ...Wilson, I wouldn't share that with too many people.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Wild Kingdom

Fear Dreams Insanity

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Jill: We're keeping score.

Tim: I thought you didn't want to keep score.

Jill: Oh, is the great big, bad bowling man afraid his itty-bitty wife is going to beat him?

Tim: Is the itty-bitty wife afraid the big, bad bowling man is going to leave her in the PARKING LOT?

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Up Your Alley

arguments keeping score itty-bitty

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Jill: Wilson, do you think humans are more important than machines?

Wilson: Without a doubt. Although, I am awfully fond of my waffle maker.

Jill: Well could you please tell that to the knucklehead I'm married to?

Wilson: Oh, he knows. He's had my waffles.

— Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson), Home Improvement, Season 2: Heavy Meddle

humans Machines

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Jill Taylor: [discussing Jill's upcoming job interview] Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.

Tim Taylor: No; I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was 'NO!'

Jill Taylor: [smirking] You're thinking of tonight.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Pilot

Listening not tonight

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Jill Taylor: They broke the mirror, they put in the wrong tiling, we've got a cement...

Jill Taylor: [suddenly seeing her new whirlpool bath] Oh, wow, wow, what's this?

Tim Taylor: This is what will make it all worthwhile: Your new whirlpool.

Jill Taylor: Oh, Tim, it's so beautiful. Look at the color; it's perfect.

Tim Taylor: Not to mention seven adjustable jets, three speeds—low, medium and 'who needs a man?'

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Bubble, Bubble, Toil And Trouble

Women and Shower Nozzles Whirlpool

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Tim: If I ever said it was hard living with you, just say one word, 'Al'.

Jill: It's that bad, huh?

Tim: His mother recorded his whole life on video tape. Last night it was three hours of Muskie Fishing With Uncle Phil. Did you know that in the seventh grade he built a replica of the Washington Monument out of Popsicle sticks?

Jill: Lot's of kids do stuff like that.

Tim: It was life-sized.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: Roomie For Improvement

washington Monument

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Jill: What, do you have rocks in your head? Don't you think?

Tim: Let's talk about who doesn't think for a minute—who drove around for two days with the oil light on?

Jill: Wait—I thought you said you weren't going to bring up the oil light.

Tim: With all those rocks in my head, sometimes I don't know what I'm sayin'!

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Nothing More Than Feelings

Husband-Bashing arguments

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Jill: I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you.

Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me?

Jill: Oh no one, you know, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my cousins, the minister, the post man, some guy down at the mail box, you know, oh and Sheila, who said to me, 'Don't marry him, I know a loser when I see one'.

Tim: Good thing she was wrong.

Jill: Who said she was wrong?

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 2: You're Driving Me Crazy, You're Driving Me Nuts

Husband-Bashing Misandry

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Tim Taylor: A live chicken? Brad, who the hell do you hang out with?

Brad Taylor: Mom...

Jill Taylor: What?

Brad Taylor: Dad's cussing.

Tim Taylor: I wasn't cussing.

Mark Taylor: He said a bad word.

Tim Taylor: It wasn't bad.

Randy Taylor: Yeah, he said 'hell' and 'damn'.

Tim Taylor: I did not say 'damn'.

Randy Taylor: Now you did.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Adventures In Fine Dining

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Tim Taylor: I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret, all right? Women, as we know them, are born without a face.

Randy Taylor: Bull!

Tim Taylor: Listen to me—women are like a Mr. Potato Head. You've heard your mom say every now and then, 'Excuse me, fellas, I've gotta go upstairs and put my face on.' She scurries up here, and draws one on with this stuff.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Bubble, Bubble, Toil And Trouble

Women Mr. Potato Head Put your face on Makeup

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Tim Taylor: I don't know what it is about football and me; I'm obsessed, I think.

Wilson: Well, why do you think that is, Tim?

Tim Taylor: I think it's 'cause I love it, Wilson. I love the surprise, and the strategy, and the strength, and the big guys with the logos and the colorful helmets, the shine of the pads, and the mouth guards and the cleats, and the hittin', the impact, the swearin', the sweatin', arr arr arr arr!... It sets me free!

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Off Sides

Football Obsession

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Tim Taylor: I like to create, Wilson. Everything I do, I wanna make bigger and better.

Wilson: Well, Tim, this obsessive desire to create partly happens because men feel inferior to women. [Tim grunts, perplexed]
It's because we can't bear children.

Tim Taylor: Ah, I don't mind the boys that much.

Wilson: No no no, Tim; what I mean is, women can give birth, and we can't.

Tim Taylor: And we sure lucked out on that part.

— Tim Taylor (Tim Allen), Home Improvement, Season 1: Bubble, Bubble, Toil And Trouble

Misandry Giving Birth

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Home Improvement Characters