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Happy Days Quotes

“Richie: We played chess.

Fonzie: You played with her chest?”
— Richie Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 1: All the Way
Tagged: Chess, chest, Double Entendre
“Richie: Since when is politics the key to sex?

Ralph: Are you kidding? I heard about a guy who was canvassing in '52. He rang a lady's doorbell and didn't come out till '54.”
— Ralph Malph, Happy Days, Season 2: The Not Making of the President
Tagged: Politics, Sex
“Potsie: We didn't get the job, I know it.

Ralph: You'd better be wrong. I already spent the money we didn't earn from the last job we didn't get.”
— Ralph Malph, Happy Days, Season 2: Fonzie Joins the Band
Tagged: Money, Gigs, Bands
“Ralph: With a divorcée, all you gotta do is establish a relationship.

Richie: With a glass of water?

Ralph: It's a start, Rich, it's a start. It gets you inside the house. Then, you charm your way into her private quarters. From there, you're just one subtle move away from paradise.

Richie: You go from a glass of water to paradise?”
— Ralph Malph, Happy Days, Season 2: Get a Job
Tagged: divorcée, seduction, Paradise
“My mind's not suspicious, just dirty.”
— Ralph Malph, Happy Days, Season 2: Goin' to Chicago
Tagged: suspicious mind, Dirty Mind
“Hey Rich, I think the man in the Henry J is hungry; he just threw a menu at me!”
— Trudy, Happy Days, Season 2: Richie Moves Out
Tagged: Hunger, Waitress, Drive-in Restaurants
“Richie: I'm gonna interview Howdy Doody.

Potsie: How are you gonna do that?

Richie: I'm gonna pull a few strings.”
— Potsie, Happy Days, Season 2: The Howdy Doody Show
Tagged: Howdy Doody, Puppet
“Richie: Burglar, meet my friends, Ralph and Potsie.

Burglar: You need to widen your circle of acquaintances. These are the most useless friends I've ever seen.”
— Richie Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: The Cunningham Caper
Tagged: Burglars, Weak Friends
“Howard: What is it you did last night?

Richie: Do you wanna hear what really happened or the lie we're gonna tell everybody else?

Howard: Start with the lie. It's probably more interesting.”
— Howard Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: Open House
Tagged: Lies, Truth
“Richie: What's your idea of the perfect girl, Fonzie?

Fonzie: 45-22-34... with her own Harley.”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 2: Open House
Tagged: perfect girl, Harley
“Howard: We're gonna have fun. Look, we'll, we'll pop popcorn, and we'll toast the marshmallows, and we'll drink some cider and trim the tree, and then, later on, I'll read 'The Night Before Christmas.'

Joanie: [singing] Jingle bells, jingle bells, boring all the way.

Howard: No singing at the table, Joanie.”
— Howard Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: Guess Who's Coming to Christmas
Tagged: Christmas, The Night Before Christmas, Jingle Bells
“Marion: What would we do without you, Fonzie?

Fonzie: Well, you'd be up a creek, Mrs. C.

Richie: Yeah, our car'd be stuck in the snow, our tree'd be out, and our Santa Claus would be mugging the neighbors.”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 2: Guess Who's Coming to Christmas
Tagged: Snow, Santa Claus, Mugging
“Howard: So, you're gonna play the 'Melancholy Dane,' huh?

Fonzie: Hey, wait a minute! I don't play animals!”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 2: A Star Is Bored
Tagged: Melancholy Dane, Hamlet, Great Danes
“Marion: I remember during the war there was a war-bond rally, and Mickey Rooney showed up, and he helped them make thousands of dollars. Do you remember, Howard?

Howard: I sure do. It's the last time I felt tall.”
— Marion Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: A Star Is Bored
Tagged: war bonds, Mickey Rooney, short, Height-Shaming
“Richie: I don't know that much about Hamlet, Fonzie, but I'll teach you everything I know.

Fonzie: Go.

Richie: All right.”
— Richie Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: A Star Is Bored
Tagged: Hamlet
“Joanie: Boy, I wish the man would finish fixing our TV set.

Marion: Well, he promised to get our picture tube back in seven to ten days.

Joanie: Yeah, but I'm not gonna last that long. I'll go stir-crazy.

Howard: Do what you did before we had television.

Joanie: I sat around wishing we had a TV.”
— Joanie, Happy Days, Season 2: Big Money
Tagged: TV, TV Repair, Stir-crazy
“Potsie: Now, I'm desperate. Can't you set me up, Ralph?

Ralph: Oh, sure. I got a great girl for you.

Potsie: Who?

Ralph: Her name's Marlene.

Potsie: What if she has a date?

Ralph: Who would date Marlene?”
— Potsie, Happy Days, Season 2: Not with My Sister, You Don't
Tagged: Desperate, Blind Date
“Fonzie: You got nothing to fear but fear itself.

Richie: Didn't somebody else say that?

Fonzie: Well, if they did, they got it from the Fonz.”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 2: Haunted
Tagged: FDR, Nothing To Fear
“Marion: No one on my side of the family ever went to a psychiatrist.

Howard: Well, my side of the family is perfectly normal, Marion. I mean, they don't even have to read Dear Abby.

Marion: What about your Aunt Louise who lives in a bomb shelter?

Howard: When the big one drops, who'll be crazy then?”
— Marion Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: You Go to My Head
Tagged: Psychiatrist, Mental Illness, crazy, Dear Abby
“Richie: She said she'd do something desperate.

Ralph: How desperate can you get in a ladies' room?

Richie: Do you know what's in a ladies' room?

Ralph: No, do you?”
— Richie Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: Who's Sorry Now?
Tagged: Desperate, ladies' room
“I really dig intellectual girls, especially that one. I love the way her mind fills her sweater.”
— Ralph Malph, Happy Days, Season 2: You Go to My Head
Tagged: Intellectual Girls, boobs
“Fonzie: I went out with a girl like that once. Broke up with her in two and a half minutes.

Richie: How did you do it?

Fonzie: Well, I wrote a note and threw it through her window. Of course, it was wrapped in a brick.”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 2: Who's Sorry Now?
Tagged: Bad Breakups
“Richie: Fonzie, did your family ever have a second car?

Fonzie: Nope. But we got four motorcycles. We even got a sidecar for my grandma.”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 2: Richie's Car
Tagged: Family Car, Motorcycles
“Fonzie: Like I always say, you live fast, you die young, you leave a good-looking corpse.

Potsie: Hey, that's cool.

Richie: Nick Romano said that in Knock on Any Door.

Fonzie: I think I said it better.”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 1: Be the First on Your Block
Tagged: Live Fast Die Young, Nick Romano, Knock on Any Door
“Richie: Now we're gonna do what we came up here to do: neck.

Gloria: Oh, anything you say, Richie.

[They begin to kiss when the alarm clock goes off, signaling that Gloria must go home]

Gloria: Maybe we'll have time for a goodnight kiss at my door.

Richie: The story of my life is kissing at the door.”
— Richie Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 2: Richie Moves Out
Tagged: Kissing, Goodnight Kiss
“Marion: Don't you think we should move the bathroom somewhere else so that, when people drop in, it won't be the first thing they see?

Howard: Marion, we're not trying to get into Better Homes and Gardens. We're trying to survive a nuclear attack.

Marion: I know, but we can survive with good taste.”
— Howard Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 1: Be the First on Your Block
Tagged: Better homes and gardens, Nuclear Attack, Good taste
“This girl's got potential. I took her to the drive-in the other night, and she's still talking to me.”
— Potsie, Happy Days, Season 2: Richie Moves Out
Tagged: Second Date
“Fonzie: Hey, Cunningham, which is cooler? The mirrors up like this at an angle or down like this, straight?

Richie: Well, I think you can see better with them down at an angle.

Fonzie: Hey, I don't wanna see where I've been. I wanna see how cool I look getting there!”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 1: Knock Around the Block
Tagged: biker, Motorcycles, looking cool
“Fonzie: You gotta have cousins and in-laws and stuff. I mean, all those people! I got nothing against marriage, but how am I gonna get them all on my bike at the same time?

Howard: Marion, do you remember our wedding night?

Marion: Howard, we've been married twenty-one years. You can stop apologizing now.”
— Fonzie, Happy Days, Season 1: The Best Man
Tagged: Wedding Night, Impotence
“Marion: How was the Junior Chipmunk meeting, dear?

Joanie: It was good. Barbara Jo Allen ate a fly.

Howard: Well, with beef at 68 cents a pound, I can't blame her.”
— Marion Cunningham, Happy Days, Season 1: Great Expectations
Tagged: Junior Chipmunk, Cost of Beef
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