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Californication Quotes

“I mean, we all have things that trigger our arousal, and if we just acknowledge them as normal and not deny them, then we could just move the fuck on with our lives!”
— Marcy Runkle, Californication, Californication Season 7: Faith, Hope, Love
Tagged: sexuality, Why Is Sex Such A Big Deal?, Sex
“She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I fucked it up again and again and again.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 7: Faith, Hope, Love
Tagged: Mistakes, Relationships & Dating, Sorry
“You're not like me. You're not a warrior. Listen, if we were members of the same tribe, I mean, I'd be out hunting and gathering. You'd be home with the women.”
— Richard Bates, Californication, Californication Season 5: Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be
Tagged: insults
“Rehab is for quitters.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 1: California Son
Tagged: Californication
“Everything is so fucking crazy right now. I don't feel like I can make the right move to save my life.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 7: 30 Minutes or Less
Tagged: Confusion, Crazy Life
“Turns out it's really expensive to live in a hotel.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 4: Another Perfect Day
Tagged: Living In A Hotel, hotels
“I miss your smell. When you left, I couldn’t wash the sheets because I didn’t want to lose that completely… You. And… it fucked me up for a long time because I would wake up and I’d smell you and I’d think you were there. And that would… My heart would break all over again. I think that’s why I go in for the kiss all the time. I know, yeah. I think I’m going for… another hit.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 1: Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Tagged: Californication
“I’m just like my father. You know, there isn’t a woman that I’ve met that I haven’t fallen in love with for 10 minutes or 10 years.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 2: In Utero
Tagged: Californication
“I thought we were a fucking fairy tale, but if you're careless with something long enough you know it breaks. And that's how I feel, broken, completely and utterly broken.”
— Karen van der Beek, Californication, Californication Season 4: The Last Supper
Tagged: broken, Relationship Struggles
“I impulse remarried a depraved lunatic who can't even get it up for me.”
— Marcy Runkle, Californication, Californication Season 7: Levon
Tagged: Cokey Smurf, Marriage
“You need boundaries. Sometimes you just need someone to say no, let's not do that because that is fucking sick. Otherwise, we'd all be running around with shit, piss, and blood all over our damn selves and shoving vibrators up our asses all day.”
— Marcy Runkle, Californication, Californication Season 4: The Last Supper
Tagged: Sexual Limits, boundaries, Perverted
“It reminds me of when we first started dating and I would knock on your door and in the time between you answering, I would try to imagine what you were gonna look like. And when you did, you'd be, like, ten times more beautiful than I could ever imagine. And I'd get this funny feeling in my stomach because you'd look at me with all this hope in your eyes instead of disappointment, which is what I see now.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 4: Another Perfect Day
Tagged: Now vs. Then, We Used To Be In Love
“You can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s ass and not wonder about her dreams. It’s not gentlemanly.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 1: California Son
Tagged: Californication
“It’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns, and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment… the moment that could’ve changed everything.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 2: In Utero
Tagged: Californication
“You know, most people, they go their whole life, and they never really find someone they love. They say they do because everybody’s the star of their own little romantic comedy, but they’re full of shit. You and me, we had women that loved us for who we were, really loved us for who we were, and we fucked it up. For what? Some stupid piece of ass we forgot about 10 minutes later?”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 1: The Devil's Threesome
Tagged: Californication
“The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that’s bad luck. You know what’s worst luck? Is getting married, itself. I’ve read studies. It’s like 2 out of 3 of those end in divorce, sometimes more. 3 out of 2, some.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 1: Turn the Page
Tagged: Californication
“Never really all that interested, but I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ’cause it’s true – all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you. There’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures. My life’s work. But then there’s the morning after. The hangover, and the realization that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone. And I’m haunted by yet another road not taken.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 3: Verities & Balderdash
Tagged: Californication
“Do you think I would have let you sodomize me if I didn't think there was a future here?”
— Carrie, Californication, Californication Season 5: JFK to LAX
Tagged: Anal Sex, Commitment
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will love you till the very end of time. But I can no longer be your husband.”
— Richard Bates, Californication, Californication Season 5: Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be
Tagged: Ways To Say I'm Done With You, End of A Realtionship, End of A Marriage
“A morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 1: Hell-A Woman
Tagged: One Night Stand, Casual Sex
“Nobody likes you. You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 1: Hell-A Woman
Tagged: Californication
“Is this wrong? I can't tell anymore. I can't fucking tell anymore.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 7: Getting the Poison Out
Tagged: Ethics, Moral Compass, Right And Wrong
“I can’t keep apologizing for something I can’t change. All I can do is keep moving forward and try to become someone that you can love again.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 4: Home Sweet Home
Tagged: Sorry, How To Say Your Sorry, How Many Times Can I Say I'm Sorry
“It's just so hard to tell the difference between those that have a good heart and the ones that are just out there to win.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 5: The Way of the Fist
Tagged: Good People, Good Hearts
“You do something nice for people — they take advantage of that shit over and over again.”
— Samurai Apocalypse, Californication, Californication Season 5: Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be
Tagged: Being Kind, Taken Advantage Of
“You can’t blame everything on the economy, douche bag.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 3: Verities & Balderdash
Tagged: Californication
“It is possible that longing for something is better than actually having it. I’ve heard it said that satisfaction is the death of desire.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 3: The Land of Rape and Honey
Tagged: Californication
“I have squandered a lot of opportunities, it's true. I could give you a bunch of excuses. I could blame it on my masturbating agent or I could chalk it up to fear and self-loathing in Los Angeles, but the truth is that... I'm trying to grow the fuck up for once. You know, I'm on a quest to reclaim the best parts of myself before it's too fuckin' late.”
— Hank Moody, Californication, Californication Season 7: Levon
Tagged: Californication
“Entering her is like walking into the most wonderful candy store in the world. Spending time inside of her is akin to cocooning yourself in the softest, most exotic of silks.”
— Stu Beggs, Californication, Californication Season 7: Dinner with Friends
Tagged: Sex, Funny Descriptions of Great Sex
“I may be easy, but I’m not sleazy.”
— Tom Kapinos, Californication, Californication Season 3: The Land of Rape and Honey
Tagged: Californication
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