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Broad City Quotes

“Abbi: We’re technically homeless right now.

Ilana: Ben Affleck was homeless for a night for a charity…We’re, like, doing that, just involuntarily.

Abbi: Yeah, we’re just a regular Matt and Ben.”
— Abbi Abrams, Broad City, Season 1: The Lockout
Tagged: homeless, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Friends, charity
“Let's meet at the ATM where the dude puked on you last week.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: atm, puke, last week, Location, Meeting
“I was curious to see if you were still selling the greenery. Cuz I'm looking to buy some um greenery.”
— Abbi Abrams, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: Selling, Buying, Weed, pot, greenery
“I'd shoot you in the face and shoot myself in the heart.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Hashtag FOMO
Tagged: shoot, Death, face, heart, Gun
“Abbi: I can't really imagine what it's life for people with blue eyes.

Ilana: No idea, other than feeling like a fucking freak.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: Blue Eyes, Freak, Life
“I’m an adult and I’m responsible. Let’s go get some candy.”
— Abbi Abrams, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: adult, responsible, candy
“Ilana: Abbi, truth or dare?

Abbi: You know what, I'm gonna go with dare.

Ilana: I dare you to suck Jeremy's dick.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Hurricane Wanda
Tagged: Truth, dare, Game, suck, Sex
“I'd like to cash these nickels, and I'll have them in quarters, please. ”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Apartment Hunters
Tagged: Bank, Cash, Request, Nickles, quarters
“I won’t make out with you; white people do that, black people don’t make out with dogs.”
— Lincoln Rice, Broad City, Season 1: Working Girls
Tagged: Make Out, Dogs, Race
“You said that if you ever were going to do a same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Destination
Tagged: same sex, upset, offer, Experimentation
“You're my favorite little jewie this side of saint louie.”
— Abbi Abrams, Broad City, Season 2: Hashtag FOMO
Tagged: Favorite Person, Jew, saint louie
“I was so worried I baked a whole cake. And then I ate a whole cake.”
— Lincoln Rice, Broad City, Season 1: Stolen Phone
Tagged: worried, Baked, Cake, ate, food, Sweets
“Never have I ever, um, dealt with how my parents' divorce affected my overall, you know, being in relationships.”
— Abbi Abrams, Broad City, Season 1: Hurricane Wanda
Tagged: Never have i ever, drinking game, Divorce, Relationships, Alcohol
“Four R’s, my friend: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Kirk Steele
Tagged: Advice, reduce, reuse, recycle, Rihanna
“I leave a cum trail wherever I go, kinda like a slutty slug.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Witches
Tagged: slug, cum, Sex, trail
“Check it. I got a dirty ass martini and a clean white power suit.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Mochalatta Chills
Tagged: check it, power suit, play on words, martini
“Cuz I’m a cum QUEEN!”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Witches
Tagged: Queen, Sex, orgasm, cum
“Horny number! Oooh! Yowza! Love it!”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Witches
Tagged: Horny, 69, Number, love it, yowza, Sex
“Abbi, why wouldn't we be rating them on dick size? It's all I can see. Those b-ball shorts are God's gift. If you train your eyes, you can see their religion.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: The Last Supper
Tagged: Dick Size, Basketball Shorts, Religion, Circumcision
“I know you from your ass better than I know your face.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 3: 2016
Tagged: ass, face
“Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers in there, then why did she make them perfectly finger-sized?”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: The Last Supper
Tagged: nose, Vagina, Butthole, God
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