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Blue Mountain State

(29 total)

Three incoming freshmen attending Midwestern college football powerhouse Blue Mountain State must quickly adapt to college life and juggle football, girls, classes and nonstop hazing.

Seasons

Season 1 (20)Season 2 (9)Season 3

Characters

Chris Romano (18)Eric Falconer (16)Drew Hancock (13)J.D. Ryznar (12)Chester Tam (9)James Cade (7)Alan Ritchson (7)Harmon Tedesco (7)Thad Castle (7)Page Kennedy (3)

I will have my friend, Larry, here, stick his fingers so far up your ass your breathe will smell like Larry's fingers.

— Drew Hancock, Thad Castle, Alan Ritchson, imdb.com

Finger asses Assholes

I never stick my finger up nobody's ass but my own...and a flight attendant once, but that was because of turbulence.

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Radon Randell, Page Kennedy, imdb.com

Finger ass

I'm gonna sack you so hard your dick's gonna go into your throat and your gonna choke on your dick and die!

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Thad Castle, Alan Ritchson, imdb.com

Threat dick choke

You never know, some guys might just get off fingering other guys' asses.

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Larry Summers, Omari Newton, imdb.com

fingering asses

Look, man, I'm just here to make my mark, let everybody in this school know that I'm the shit and they 'bout to smell it!

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Radon Randell, Page Kennedy, imdb.com

Shit make my mark

Which one of you assholes stuck his finger in my asshole?

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Thad Castle, Alan Ritchson, imdb.com

Assholes Finger

Mary Jo Cacciatore: I've changed a lot, Alex. I used to not have boobs, but now...I have them. Alex Moran: Yes, I'm looking right at them.

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Mary Jo Cacciatore, Frankie Shaw, imdb.com

boobs ogling

Thad Castle: Okay, I'm sure a lot of you are freaking out about the drug test; well, take a chill pill; they don't test for those. Alex Moran: Wait, I'm not freaking out. I mean, it's just beer and weed for me, so uh, I just need a whole lot of water and tartar sauce. Thad Castle: Tartar sauce? Harm…

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Harmon Tedesco, James Cade, imdb.com

drug test Meth Weed cat shit tartar sauce

I used to masturbate exclusively with motor oil….Yeah, I was that guy.

— Eric Falconer, Chris Romano, Harmon Tedesco, James Cade, imdb.com

masturbation motor oil

That is how I find out raw eggs work as well as any sexual lubricant, men. [shrugging with a smug grin] It was a happy accident.

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, Harmon Tedesco, James Cade, imdb.com

eggs sexual lubricant

I sleep in there, party in there, I do whatever in there, baby. It's my hyperbolic chamber, man. Know what I'm saying? It gets your platelet levels going, and your hemoglobins and your DNA and shit. TO got one, man!

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Radon Randell, Page Kennedy, imdb.com

party hemoglobin hyperbolic Malapropism hyperbaric

I just had a brainstorm. What if we kill the professor? If your teacher dies, they have to give you all 'A's. It's the law.

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, Harmon Tedesco, James Cade, imdb.com

brainstorm Professor

Craig Shilo: Harmon! Seriously? You couldn't wait three days? Harmon Tedesco: It's cleaner. It's just how I prefer to take it. Alex Moran: Does it do anything? Harmon Tedesco: I feel pretty lightheaded right now, yeah.

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Harmon Tedesco, James Cade, imdb.com

drug test

I did some uppers and then I did some downers. Annnnnnd then I chased the dragon. Not proud of that.

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Harmon Tedesco, James Cade, imdb.com

Uppers Downers Heroin

Alex Moran: Police. Thad Castle: What? Someone called the police! Shit! Someone called the police! Larry, police! Larry: POLICE!

— J.D. Ryznar, Drew Hancock, Chester Tam, Alex Moran, Darin Brooks, imdb.com

Police

Thad Castle: Come on, guys! We're going to play football! No teams! Harmon Tedesco: Uh, I'm pretty sure you need two teams to play football, fellas, know what I'm sayin'?

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, Thad Castle, Alan Ritchson, imdb.com

Football Teamwork

Doctor: Are you at least having sex with these women? Sammy Cacciatore: No.

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, Sammy Cacciatore, Chris Romano, imdb.com

incel Celibate

Coach Jon Jon: I don't like it when you call my house in the middle of the night... tell my wife to wake me up... just so we can talk about stuff that we can talk about tomorrow. Coach Marty Daniels: I don't do that.

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, imdb.com

late night calls

Thad Castle: Yes! Upper class-men win another! Alex Moran: You didn't even measure that one. Thad Castle: I measured with my dick!

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, imdb.com

dick sizing

Thad Castle: The teacher's become the master. Harmon Tedesco: What? Thad Castle: I said the teacher's become the blaster. Harmon Tedesco: I literally have no idea what you're trying to say me right now, man.

— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, Thad Castle, Alan Ritchson, imdb.com

Teacher Master blaster Pretentious

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