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Blue Mountain State Quotes

“I never stick my finger up nobody's ass but my own...and a flight attendant once, but that was because of turbulence.”
— Radon Randell, Blue Mountain State, Season 2: The Fingering
Tagged: Finger, ass
“I'm gonna sack you so hard your dick's gonna go into your throat and your gonna choke on your dick and die!”
— Thad Castle, Blue Mountain State, Season 2: The Fingering
Tagged: Threat, dick, choke
“You never know, some guys might just get off fingering other guys' asses.”
— Larry Summers, Blue Mountain State, Season 2: The Fingering
Tagged: fingering, asses
“Look, man, I'm just here to make my mark, let everybody in this school know that I'm the shit and they 'bout to smell it!”
— Radon Randell, Blue Mountain State, Season 2: Controversy
Tagged: Shit, make my mark
“Which one of you assholes stuck his finger in my asshole?”
— Thad Castle, Blue Mountain State, Season 2: The Fingering
Tagged: Assholes, Finger
“Mary Jo Cacciatore: I've changed a lot, Alex. I used to not have boobs, but now...I have them.

Alex Moran: Yes, I'm looking right at them.”
— Mary Jo Cacciatore, Blue Mountain State, Season 2: Controversy
Tagged: boobs, ogling
“Thad Castle: Okay, I'm sure a lot of you are freaking out about the drug test; well, take a chill pill; they don't test for those.

Alex Moran: Wait, I'm not freaking out. I mean, it's just beer and weed for me, so uh, I just need a whole lot of water and tartar sauce.

Thad Castle: Tartar sauce?

Harmon Tedesco: No man, tartar sauce is for coke. Orange juice and cat shit; that's for weed.

Donnie Schrab: Nah, cat shit's for meth. Tartar sauce is for opium.

Thad Castle: Tartar sauce is for fish sticks!”
— Harmon Tedesco, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: Piss Test
Tagged: drug test, Meth, Weed, cat shit, tartar sauce, Cocaine
“That is how I find out raw eggs work as well as any sexual lubricant, men. [shrugging with a smug grin] It was a happy accident.”
— Harmon Tedesco, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: Midterms
Tagged: eggs, sexual lubricant
“I just had a brainstorm. What if we kill the professor? If your teacher dies, they have to give you all 'A's. It's the law.”
— Harmon Tedesco, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: Midterms
Tagged: brainstorm, Professor
“Alex Moran: Police.

Thad Castle: What? Someone called the police! Shit! Someone called the police! Larry, police!

Larry: POLICE!”
— Alex Moran, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: The Drug Olympics
Tagged: Police
“Thad Castle: Come on, guys! We're going to play football! No teams!

Harmon Tedesco: Uh, I'm pretty sure you need two teams to play football, fellas, know what I'm sayin'?”
— Thad Castle, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: The Drug Olympics
Tagged: Football, Teamwork
“Doctor: Are you at least having sex with these women?

Sammy Cacciatore: No.”
— Sammy Cacciatore, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: Midterms
Tagged: incel, Celibate
“Coach Jon Jon: I don't like it when you call my house in the middle of the night... tell my wife to wake me up... just so we can talk about stuff that we can talk about tomorrow.

Coach Marty Daniels: I don't do that.”
— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: The Drug Olympics
Tagged: late night calls
“Thad Castle: Yes! Upper class-men win another!

Alex Moran: You didn't even measure that one.

Thad Castle: I measured with my dick!”
— Drew Hancock, J.D. Ryznar, Chester Tam, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: The Drug Olympics
Tagged: dick sizing
“Thad Castle: The teacher's become the master.

Harmon Tedesco: What?

Thad Castle: I said the teacher's become the blaster.

Harmon Tedesco: I literally have no idea what you're trying to say me right now, man.”
— Thad Castle, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: The Drug Olympics
Tagged: Teacher, Master, blaster, Pretentious
“I may suck cock for crack, but at the end of the day, I lay in my bed right with God.”
— Transvestite Prostitute, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: Rivalry Weekend
Tagged: suck cock, Crack, God
“Sammy Cacciatore: I wish I could rip my arms off and give them to you so you can call me sometime.

Monica: My phone voice-dials.

Sammy Cacciatore: Even better!”
— Sammy Cacciatore, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: The Drug Olympics
Tagged: phone calls, voice dial
“This is special teams. We like to play hard, we like to party hard. We also like to triple team chicks, that's European style. Don't worry, our dicks will never touch.”
— Harmon Tedesco, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: There's Only One Second Best
Tagged: special teams, european style, Dicks
“Backup QB is the best position in sports. Fact: I get drunk all the time. I don't have to show up to class; and it's just like being a real QB but without all the pain.”
— Alex Moran, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: It's Called Hazing, Look It Up!
Tagged: Drunk, Backup QB
“Denise Roy: Craig, I'm gonna ask you one time and one time only: Is that a pocket pussy behind your back?

Craig Shilo: Um, no!

Denise Roy: Oh my...a WHITE pocket pussy, Craig.”
— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: Pocket P***y
Tagged: pocket pussy, white pocket pussy
“It's like doing a velvet bag of puppy ears!”
— Donnie, Blue Mountain State, Season 1: Pocket P***y
Tagged: Vaginal Euphemisms
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