Show

Archer

by Mehar Sethi, Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin

Sterling Archer is the world's most daunting spy. He works for ISIS, a spy agency run by his mother. In between dealing with his boss and his co-workers - one of whom is his ex-girlfriend - Archer manages to annoy or seduce everyone that crosses his path.

(38 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (7)Archer Season 2 (9)Season 3 (3)Season 4 (8)Season 6 (3)Season 7 (1)

Characters

Adam Reed (38)H. Jon Benjamin (15)Sterling Archer (voice) (15)Amber Nash (7)Pam (voice) (7)Malory Archer (voice) (4)Judy Greer (4)Jessica Walter (4)Cyril Figgis (voice) (3)Ray Gillette (voice) (3)

“Cyril: As the Lord our God Himself is my witness, upon the conclusion of my current business, I shall return to this place, and visit upon you an apocalypse of such terror and destruction that you will rue, RUE, the very fact of your miserable birth!! Coroner: [munches on hot dog] I'll be here!”

— Adam Reed, Cyril Figgis (voice), Chris Parnell, imdb.com

Tagged: Threat, mean, Terror, Destruction, Indifference

“So who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually goin' to get more tired, but also gradually more berserk”

— Adam Reed, Pam (voice), Amber Nash, imdb.com

Tagged: Ass Beat, Tired, Berserk, Beat Up

“Poovey: I can never unsee him naked. Archer: I mean, the size of that thing. Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Naked, penis, Huge, Umbrella Stand

“Malory: And what the hell are you wearing? Archer: I think, technically, it's a... loincloth? Fashioned out of a baby-doll nightie. [Malory lifts a finger to say something, then lets out a sigh] Well, sorry, Mother. I didn't know I was going to a funeral. I would've worn a black one.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Loincloth, Nightie, funeral, Black

“Don't take this the wrong way but, did your dick get BIGGER?”

— Adam Reed, Lana Kane (voice), Aisha Tyler, imdb.com

Tagged: dick, Growth, size, Bigger

“Archer: Physically unchanged for a hundred million years because it's the perfect killing machine: a half ton of coldblooded fury with a bite force of twenty-thousand newtons and a stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we're surrounded, those snake eyes are watching from t…”

— Ray Gillette (voice), Adam Reed, imdb.com

Tagged: Crocodiles, fury, Surrounded, Night, Song

“Lana, it's cashmere, there are rules.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Cashmere, Rules, fabric

“Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn? Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Porn, Different Types Of Porn, Women, Sex, Internet

“Cyril: What do crocodiles eat? Archer: EVERYTHING! THEY EAT EVERYTHING! And fear is their bacon bits!”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Crocodiles, food, Fear

“Lana: What's in Miami? Malory: Besides 90% of all mosquitoes and Cubans on earth?”

— Adam Reed, Malory Archer (voice), Jessica Walter, imdb.com

Tagged: Mosquitoes, Cubans, Miami, Sassy

“Malory: Alright! I'll think about it. Pam: Is that a real 'you'll think about it,' or a 'Pam, if your pig Leon wins a blue ribbon at the county fair, maybe we won't kill him and eat him for Easter dinner and render what's left into soap,' 'you'll think about it?'”

— Adam Reed, Pam (voice), Amber Nash, imdb.com

Tagged: Thinking About it, real, Let Down, Maybe, Undecided

“Malory: ...and then, give me the file I asked for! Ray: Yeah, why don't I shove a broom up my ass and sweep the floor while I'm at it?”

— Ray Gillette (voice), Adam Reed, imdb.com

Tagged: Broom, ass, Sweep, multitask, demands

“Milk comes from Mexicans? Oh my God, what's cereal made from?!”

— Adam Reed, Cheryl Tunt (voice), Judy Greer, imdb.com

Tagged: milk, Mexican, cereal, Questions, worry

“My cooch has cobwebs!”

— Adam Reed, Pam (voice), Amber Nash, imdb.com

Tagged: Cooch, Unused, Cobwebs

“Archer: Thank you... What was your name again? Rodney: Rodney. Archer: Thank you. Asshole.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Rude, asshole, Sassy

“Pam: This is Rodney, he's the new... whatever... gun librarian. Rodney: Armory supervisor!”

— Adam Reed, Pam (voice), Amber Nash, imdb.com

Tagged: Guns, Army Supervisor, Gun Librarian, Keeper of Guns, New

“Sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Sour Mix, Margarita, Wrong Mix, Gross, Torture

“Speaking of, you see the bulge on that towel boy? Man, if I was you, I'd be in this spa 25/8.”

— Adam Reed, Pam (voice), Amber Nash, imdb.com

Tagged: Bulge, Towel Boy, 24/7, Longer than 24/7, spa

“No, forget the glass Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Hungover, Death, Awful, Alcohol

“Lana: That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex. Archer: Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I'm not in the mood! ...I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you masturbate, but just so you know, my heart's not going to be into it. It's going to be with that…”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

Tagged: Sex, Death, Tiger, Murder, masturbate