1. Home
    2.  › 
  2. TV Quotes
    3.  › 
  3. 30 Rock

30 Rock Quotes

“Back in Stone Mountain, even the mayor had bedbugs. And she was a horse.”
— Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock, Season 4: Audition Day
Tagged: bedbugs
“Good God! Lemon, those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter!”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: Brooklyn Without Limits
Tagged: jeans, Mexican sports reporter, look like
“When it comes to hair, no one is more bitchy than conservative males.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Somebody to Love
Tagged: hair, Bitchy, Conservative Male, Appearance
“Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 6: Meet the Woggels
Tagged: Factories, country, Needs, Jobs, Pride, Material, Songs, bruce springsteen
“Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncle’s after he would drink from the air conditioner”
— Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock, Season 2: MILF Island
Tagged: Eyes, look like, Uncle, Drink, Air Conditioners, Gross
“Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: I Heart Connecticut
Tagged: terrible, eating, Oysters, Messy, Sick, disgusting
“Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 4: Stone Mountain
Tagged: Metaphor Examples, diaper, beach, bad breath
“A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: book, trouble, Where's Waldo?, barber pole
“I'm sorry I'm a real woman and not some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 5: Reaganing
Tagged: Real woman, Oversexed, nympho, Everybody Loves Raymond
“Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong”
— Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock, Season 5: Chain Reaction Of Mental Anguish
Tagged: Relationship, Sharks, Simile Examples, Intercourse, Sex
“Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you're science. Tell her, Jack!”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 2: Somebody to Love
Tagged: donate, Body, Science, Sex, Pick Up Lines, get her back
“Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven Symone for one day, but she knows what she did”
— Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock, Season 3: Jackie Jormp-Jomp
Tagged: feud, Raven Symone, knows what she did
“I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 5: Reaganing
Tagged: Rachel Maddow, only one, haircut, talk
“There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year. It destroyed two vintage T-shirt shops and a banjo”
— Frank Rossitano, 30 Rock, Season 5: Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning
Tagged: cyclone, Brooklyn, banjo, vintage, T-Shirt, Destroyed
“Liz: Hey, Jack, do you treat me any differently because I’m a woman?

Jake: Well, I pay you a little less, yes

Liz: No, I mean day-to-day. Do you coddle me?
  
Jake: In some ways. With a man, I can be more direct, but with you, uh, I have to have a conversation, Talk things through more.”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 3: The Natural Order
Tagged: gender, Gender Pay Gap
“Jack: Let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.

Frank: My client has no memory of that.
    
Jack: I also would have accepted, ‘you can’t prove that’s the governor’s semen.’”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Goodbye, My Friend
Tagged: semen, Sex Scandals, American Judicial System
“Kenneth: Ma’am, this is a wild animal. You can’t treat it like a person.

Jenna: No, he’s happy. His costume is hiding his erection.”
— Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock, Season 3: The Natural Order
Tagged: Wild Animal, erection, costume
“Jack: I’m warning you now that the entertainment division is gonna come under some very close scrutiny. The days of your wild coke parties are over.

Liz: Well, if by 'coke,' you mean 'sodas'...”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 3: Cutbacks
Tagged: Coke Parties, Office Parties, Cocaine, soda, Coca-Cola
“Ken: Well, you know what they say, money is the root of all evil.

Tracy: I thought that was just a tagline for my movie, Death Bank...”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: Flu Shot
Tagged: Money, Evil, Death Bank
“Jack: Jenna, I need to speak with you.

Jenna: Jack, I did not hit that Asian page! I was just swinging my arm and she walked into me. Twice.”
— Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock, Season 3: Jackie Jormp-Jomp
Tagged: Assault, Alibis, Asian
“Liz: We sure had quite a year.

Jack: What’re you talking about? It’s May.
  
Liz: Shh.”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 3: Kidney Now!
Tagged: Jumping the Gun, Premature
“Becca: Excuse me.

Jack: Oh God, please don’t be a daughter I didn’t know about.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Goodbye, My Friend
Tagged: Daughter, Wedlock
“God, this is like dating Katie Couric all over again.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: The C Word
Tagged: Dating, Katie Couric, repeat
“Lemon, there was once a great American named George Henderson. He met a woodland ape or Sasquatch and, despite its dangerous message of environmentalism, became its friend. When the time came to do the hard thing and send it back into the forest where it belonged, and birds could perch on its shoulder because it was gentle, George Henderson summoned the strength and by God, he did it. Did it hurt? You bet it hurt. Like a bastard. But he did it because it was the right thing to do for the woodland ape. You think about that.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 3: Goodbye, My Friend
Tagged: American, Friend, George Henderson, Bastard, Woodland ape
“Jack: I want you on this, Lemon. Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser, they were top-notch. 

Liz: Those weren’t jokes! That was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency.

Jack: Well, they got big laughs.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Fireworks
Tagged: Top-notch, Jokes, Common Sense, Big Laughs
“When will this be made public, sir? I want my mother to know before she dies so goes to her grave a defeated woman.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Succession
Tagged: public, grave, A defeated woman, mother
“The Italians have a saying, Lemon: 'Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.' And although they’ve never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this case, they’re right.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Blind Date
Tagged: Italians, Keep Your Friends Close and your enemies closer, War, Car, Right, saying
“Well, it’s only positive reinforcement when they say it to you. In my case they’re just stating the facts. I do look like the Arrow shirt man, I did lace up my skates professionally and I did do a fabulous job finishing my muffin.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Ludachristmas
Tagged: Positive Reinforcement, Skates, Muffin, Fabulous Job, Facts
“I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: bold, young woman, Compliment, Younger
“Jack: Human contact is important, Lemon. I can tell from your stress level that you’ve not been touched in any way for quite some time. Not caressed. Not massaged. Not even groped on the subway. Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon? 

Liz: No. I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.

Jack: I would think that the single woman’s biggest worry would be choking to death in her apartment.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 1: Blind Date
Tagged: human contact, Sex, personal life, Choking To Death, Alone
loading next page...