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White Chicks Quotes

“Lisa: I’m Carnie Wilson before my gastric bypass surgery.

Kevin Copeland: This one goes with your skin tone.

Lisa: Somebody throw Shamu back in the ocean. [shouts] Whoo.”
— Lisa Anderson, White Chicks
Tagged: Shamu, Carnie Wilson, Skin Tone, Gastric Bypass Surgery
“Hi, I’m Cellulite Sally; look at my huge ba-donkey. Don’t forget about me, I’m Backfat Betty. Now who could have said that? Oh yeah, it’s Tina the Talking Tummy. [cries] I can’t even wear a short skirt and a top without looking like a fat pig.”
— Lisa Anderson, White Chicks
Tagged: cellulite, back fat, Pig
“Triple T.K.A. Time to totally kick ass.”
— Marcus Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: TKA, Totally Kick Ass
“Take good care of him, oh, and teach him how to say ‘Yo quiero Taco Bell.’ Kay?”
— Marcus Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Taco Bell
“Look King Kong. Why don’t you take you and your ‘1980 pick-up lines’, climb all the way up to the top of the Empire State Building, beat on your big old monkey chest, and then jump off? Excuse me.”
— Marcus Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: king kong, 1980s, Empire State Building
“Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Sweetie! You’ve got to slow up with those cosmos!

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Tee-hee! Oh, fine.”
— Marcus Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Drag
“I don’t see why I gotta go out with Buffy the White Girl Slayer.”
— Marcus Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, White Girls, Anti-White
“I am so...frick-in’...pissed.”
— Tiffany Wilson, White Chicks
Tagged: Pissed, frickin
“Marcus Copeland: [Marcus emerges from the boot of the car, covered in the Wilson Sisters’ luggage] Man! You guys sure got a lot of bags for a weekend!

Brittany Wilson: [scoffs] This isn’t a weekend!

Tiffany Wilson: It’s the weekend!

Brittany Wilson: Labor Day in The Hamptons. The last weekend of the social season. Like, only the hottest people are going to be there.

Tiffany Wilson: And only the hottest of the hottest are going to make it onto the cover of ‘Hamptons Magazine’! And this is our year!

Brittany Wilson: [squeals] Yay!

[to Kevin, driving the car]

Brittany Wilson: Uh, open the window. Baby likes a little fresh breeze.

[Kevin opens the window]

Brittany Wilson: I just hope the Vandergeld Sisters’ private jet crashes on the way there!

Tiffany Wilson: [shocked] Oh, my God, Brittany!

Brittany Wilson: [to Tiffany] You were thinking it!

Tiffany Wilson: [to Brittany] I know, but you sai* it!

Brittany Wilson: I know, I know!

Tiffany Wilson: And you, know, Heather totally hates you because you slept with her boyfriend.

Brittany Wilson: Oh, my God! So what? I sleep with *everyone’s* boyfriend.”
— Tiffany Wilson, White Chicks
Tagged: Hamptons, labor day, Private Jet, Cheating
“Tiffany Wilson: [Tiffany is reading the Hamptons newspaper and sees a picture of them in the paper] Oh my God! Brittany?

Brittany Wilson: What?

Tiffany Wilson: [shows Brittany the picture] We’re on page 6!

Brittany Wilson: No!

Tiffany Wilson: Yeah!

Brittany Wilson: No!

Tiffany Wilson: Yeah!

Brittany Wilson: NO!

Tiffany Wilson: Yeah! Look! [shows her the article] ‘Wilson Sisters Rock Hamptons’!

Brittany Wilson: [both girls gasp and erupt into screams] Wilsons rock! We rock!

Tiffany Wilson: [squealing] Yes!

Brittany Wilson: [realizing that they weren’t actually at the Hamptons, but were in the hotel room in New York the entire time] Wait...we weren’t in the Hamptons this weekend!

Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: [gasping]

[in unison]

Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: Oh no!

[looking at the screen]

Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: We’ve been cloned!”
— Tiffany Wilson, White Chicks
Tagged: Hamptons, Cloning
“Kevin Copeland: [the Wilson Sisters get off the private jet, walk over to the arrival terminal, and meet Kevin and Marcus] Hi, I’m Kevin Copeland...

Tiffany Wilson: [rolling her eyes, looking at them] We already gave to the United Negro Fund!

Brittany Wilson: Yeah!

[They continue walking]

Marcus Copeland, Kevin Copeland: [in unison] Excuse us. Whoa-whoa-whoa! Hold on, hold on!

Kevin Copeland: Hold on!

[explaining to them their actual task]

Kevin Copeland: We’re actually here to escort you ladies to The Hamptons.

Tiffany Wilson: Oh!

[hands them their bags]

Tiffany Wilson: The bags are on the plane.

Brittany Wilson: [gives Kevin her dog carrier, with their dog, Baby] Here, take Baby and clean out his bag. Oh, my God; he didn’t have his colonic, and he, like, pooped everywhere!

[Baby, the dog yaps]”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: United Negro College Fund, Colonic, Poop
“Agent Jake Harper: Hi. I, I, um...I need a credit card, please. And, and some I.D., please.

Kevin Copeland: [‘Brittany’ takes ‘her’ I.D. out of ‘her’ handbag and realizes it has Kevin’s information and photo on. ‘She’ quickly thinks and acts offended] Credit card? I.D.? I’m so freakin’ pissed! First of all, I go to Dr. Dorf and he totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow...I get off the surgery table looking like freakin’ Shrek! Then I get here, and Mr. Harper makes me feel like I’m some dumb blonde with fake boobs going to a Hugh Hefner party!

Agent Jake Harper: No, I—I didn’t mean to offend you; it’s just, it’s...it’s protocol!”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Pissed, Nose Job, Shrek , Gwyneth Paltrow
“Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson]

[Brittney comes the dressing room with an outfit]

Kevin Copeland: How about this?

Lisa: [Sobbing] You bitch, that’s so terrible!

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] OK I’m going to go get help OK, you need professional help.

Lisa: [Sobbing] OK! OK!

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] Dr. Phil.”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Bitch, Professional Help, Dr. Phil
“Kevin Copeland: Forget him, Marcus. We can do this ourselves. Look, all we gotta is if, if, if...

Marcus Copeland: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. ‘We?’ Kevin, this ain’t about ‘we.’ It’s never been. It’s about you. You come up with some stupid idea and I’m dumb enough to go along with it. And look where it’s gotten me, Kevin. I just lost my wife and my job because of you. So, don’t tell me about ‘we’ no more, all right?”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Shit, dumb
“Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in!

[slams into postcard and knickknack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts]

Kevin Copeland: Sorry, um, they’re new. Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job.

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson, squeezing Brittany’s fake breasts] Feels so real.”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Breast Implants
“Kevin Copeland: I’m gonna have a BF!

Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she’s gonna have a bitch fit!

Hotel Clerk: No, don’t d-d-d-don’t have a, a, a BF now.

Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I’m gonna write a letter!

Marcus Copeland: You are in big trouble!

Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: BF, Bitch Fit, White Woman, America
“Kevin Copeland: [chasing and tackling Purse Snatcher] Gimme that.

Purse Snatcher: Jesus, lady! All this for just a handbag?

Kevin Copeland: It’s not ‘just’ a handbag. It’s Prada.”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Handbag, prada, Purse Snatching
“These starving kids in Africa make me so sad. They don’t even have to try to be skinny.”
— Heather Vandergeld, White Chicks
Tagged: Starving Kids Africa
“Megan Vandergeld: [realizing her father’s hostage kidnapping plot, and he is the kidnapper] Daddy! Why are you doing this?

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson, but in his regular voice] Daddy didn’t tell you? He’s broke!

Heather Vandergeld: [confused] What do you mean ‘broke’? Like, Martha Stewart ‘broke’? Or MC Hammer ‘broke’?

Warren Vandergeld: MC Hammer broke!

Megan Vandergeld, Heather Vandergeld: [the Vandergelds wail and cry] NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
— Heather Vandergeld, White Chicks
Tagged: broke, MC Hammer, Martha Stewart
“Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills.

Megan Vandergeld: It’s the Beverly Ho-Billies.

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me?

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn’t?

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I’m sorry, but uhm...we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office. [laughs]

Marcus Copeland: A klept-ho-maniac! [laughs]

Megan Vandergeld: [arrogantly] Your mother shops at Saks.

Marcus Copeland: [indignantly as Tiffany Wilson] What? [the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers]

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It’s mother time, okay! Your mother’s so dumb she went to Dr. Dre for a Pap smear! ‘Something’s wrong, Dr. Dre! My coochie’s doing a beatbox!’

Heather Vandergeld: Well, yeah? Your mother’s so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something!

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson]: Your mother’s so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this: [blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh]

Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like...she’s so...[to Megan]…Megan, you go!

Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney’s Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a ‘ni-coise’ salad. ‘Ni-coise’ salad, right?

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother’s ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King’s about to pop out and say, ‘Only in America!’”
— Heather Vandergeld, White Chicks
Tagged: Catfights, Beverly Hills, Don King, ass
“She don’t know it yet...but that’s ‘Wifey’ right there.”
— Latrell Spencer, White Chicks
Tagged: Wifey
“Latrell Spencer: Oh, the deception. The betrayal. Man, you deceived me.

Marcus Copeland: Look, man.

Latrell Spencer: Negro, please. Didn’t anyone tell you that this was an all-white party, huh? Someone get this jigaboo away from me.”
— Latrell Spencer, White Chicks
Tagged: Deception, betray, negro, jigaboo, Racial Stereotypes
“Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair.”
— Latrell Spencer, White Chicks
Tagged: Racial Stereotypes
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