[Chet is telling everyone about his bear story] So when you go to bed tonight, and you hear a noise, whatever you do, don't look out the window...[Chet shouts while he tosses some of his alcoholic beverage into the fireplace causing a huge fireball shooting out of the chimney]...because there might…
Catalog
Movie
The Great Outdoors
It's vacation time for outdoorsy Chicago man Chet Ripley, along with his wife, Connie, and their two kids, Buck and Ben. But a serene weekend of fishing at a Wisconsin lakeside cabin gets crashed by Connie's obnoxious brother-in-law, Roman Craig, his wife
Roman: There's no mystery here, Chet. I know how you really feel about me. Chet: Do you? Roman: Yeah, and I knew that if I was ever to give you something, you figure there'd be strings attached. Chet: Is that a fact? Roman: Yeah, that's a fact. At our wedding, you were in the john, Kate and Connie's…
Looks like you're wanking your crank.
[Chet and Roman are arguing] Chet: You've got an awful lot of nerve, Roman, a lot of nerve. Roman: It's served me well, I'm the one with the Mercedes. Chet: By the way, is it paid for? Roman: Are you jealous? Chester! Chet: Don't call me Chester! Call me that one more time and you're gonna go home w…
What a gas! Chet's gonna shit a solid gold brick when he sees us, what a great surprise!
Look at the size of the maggots on that meat!
You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky and landed on your face and started to wiggle!
Personally, I'd rather see a 46-inch bust singing ‘Burnin' Love.’
Kate Craig: Ahh! [Kate and Roman run out of their bedroom] Roman: What? Kate Craig: It touched me! Roman: It's been touching you for 12 years, you never freak! Kate Craig: Not you! [Kate hits Roman on the arm] A thing. Roman: What thing? Chet: [Comes out of his bedroom, along with the rest of the fa…
Roman: I don't need cocktails for that. Was that a shot? Chet: No, that was the truth. Roman: Oh, that was a shot! Chet: That...was a shot. Roman: [to the bartender] Speaking of shots, set us up!
Roman: [Chet, Roman, and the kids are out fishing and are putting bait on their hooks] These are the biggest worms I have ever encountered. Chet: They're not worms, they're leeches.
Roman: I think we should go into town tomorrow and pick up a ski boat. Whaddya say? Sound good, guys? Uncle Roman'll blow some coin on a kick-ass drag boat! Chet: That's OK, we're renting a pontoon boat. Roman: Pontoon boat? What the hell are you gonna do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach?
[Chet is eating the last bite of the 96-ounce steak] Roman: I think that just about does it. Grill Chef: He's not done yet! Roman: It might take him a moment for that last bite to go down, but it will go down! Grill Chef: That ain't the last bite! Roman: Well sure it is, there is nothing on that pla…
I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake!
Roman: Honey? Kate Craig: [in the shower] Yes? Roman: How come Chet's kids look at him like he's Zeus and ours look at me like I'm a rack of yard tools at Sears? Why can't they connect with me? Kate Craig: Well, maybe if you spent less time at work and more time with us, it would... Roman: Put a cor…
[Chet is being pulled by the boat on water-skies at high speed] Chet: You bastard! You bastard! Roman: I think he's saying go faster.
How about the gourmet here, you know what he wanted? Hot dogs! You know what they make those things out of, Chet? You know? Lips and assholes!
Good evening. How's it going? Listen, girls...uh...as your father, I feel it incumbent upon me to set the record straight on the validity of the tale which Uncle Chet shared with us this evening. I know that a terrifying story like that coming from the mouth of a recognized authority figure could be…