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The Dukes of Hazzard Quotes

“Bo Duke: Man, I’m never gonna get out of this car again! I’m gonna live in it, I’m gonna eat in it, and I’m gonna make sweet love to it!

Luke Duke: You mean you’re gonna make sweet love in it.

Bo Duke: Oh no, I’m gonna have sex with it.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: sex in a car, sex with a car
“Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?

Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: China, Chinese Food
“Luke, you manwhore.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Manwhore
“[after shooting a gas can with a flaming arrow] Boom-shakalaka.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: boom-shakalaka
“[Luke and Bo just failed a moonshine delivery] How many Dukes does it take to screw up a moonshine delivery?”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine
“Just the good ol’ boys/Never meanin’ no harm/Beats all you never saw/Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born/Straightenin’ the curves/Flattenin’ the hills/Someday the mountain might get ’em but the law never will/Makin’ their way the only way they know how/That’s just a little bit more than the law would allow/Just the good ol’ boys/Wouldn’t change if they could/ Fightin’ the system like a true modern day Robin Hood.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Good Ol' Boys, Moonshine, Robin Hood
“Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are you doin’ that?

Uncle Jesse: What I’m about to do, I don’t want to remember a lot of it. [lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine, Incendiary Devices
“Uncle Jesse: You know why tornadoes and blondes are so much alike?

Luke Duke: No.

Uncle Jesse: At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: sucking, BLowing, tornados, Dumb Blonde Jokes
“You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Viagra, Politicians
“Luke Duke: You thinkin’ about throwin’ that?

Uncle Jesse: Oh, I’m gonna throw it...I was thinkin’ about pussy.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Thinking, Pussy, Sexual Fantasies
“Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?

Luke Duke: Why?

Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they’re worth it.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Divorce, expensive, Jokes
“Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party’s over.

Boss Hogg: Damn right it is! As long as I’m the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!

Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.

Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?

Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.

Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!

Uncle Jesse: And you’re going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?

Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go ‘Dogs!

Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me, too.

Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?

Uncle Jesse: For this! [Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]

Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him, too.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: georgia, Penitentiary, Pardon
“Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn license!

Luke Duke: What license?”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: license, Jokes, Goddamn
“Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Jokes, Donkey, onion, Piece of Ass
“Here’s another one: Drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, ‘Why don’t you watch where you’re going?’ The drunk looks at him and says, ‘Why don’t you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?’”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Drunk, grandfther clock, wristwatch, Jokes
“Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A playboy.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Farmer, Sheep, Playboy
“I think something bounced up in my undercarriage.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Double Entendre
“Daisy Duke: [Daisy walks into the sheriff’s office wearing a very revealing bikini] Enos? [leans in very close to him] Where’s Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline?

Deputy Enos Strate: Uh, out at your farm.

Daisy Duke: Thanks, Enos. [gets up and walks off smiling] That’s got to be a new record.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Sexy
“Daisy Duke: You know what’s gonna happen? They’re gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I’m gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out.

Uncle Jesse: That’s why we love ya, honey.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Jail, ass
“Daisy Duke: They planted a still on our farm.

Pauline: They *planted* a still? Why would they have to plant a still?

Daisy Duke: 'Cause they're too damn dumb to find our real still.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine, Car Movies
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