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Shallow Hal Quotes

“I saw the way your friend Mauricio looked at me; I thought he was going to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and tag my ear.”
— Rosemary Shanahan, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Lust, Horny, Gawking, tranquilizer gun
“You had me at 'get lost.'”
— Mauricio, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Rejection, Sarcasm
“You can't come back with a comeback after eight seconds. You got three seconds. Five, tops. It's called a quip, not a sloooowwwwp.”
— Mauricio, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Comeback, Quip
“Hey Hal, come look at this turd! It looks like Klinger from M.A.S.H.!”
— Mauricio, Shallow Hal
Tagged: turd, Corporal Max Klinger, M.A.S.H., Gross
“Rosemary: Is that a Member's Only jacket?

Mauricio: Yes.

Rosemary: So what are you, the last member?”
— Mauricio, Shallow Hal
Tagged: member's only, Sick Burns
“Tony Robbins: Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

Mauricio: Have you heard the song 'Who Let The Dogs Out'?”
— Mauricio, Shallow Hal
Tagged: who let the dogs out?, Beauty is the in the eye of the beholder
“Inner beauty's the easiest thing in the world to see when you're looking for it....The brain sees what the heart wants it to feel.”
— Mauricio, Shallow Hal
Tagged: inner beauty, Brain, heart
“[Hal is going to make his move on some unattractive girls]
Hal: I'm going for the one in the middle. You can have your pick of the other two.

Mauricio: So you get the hyena, and I have to choose between the hippo and the giraffe?”
— Hal Larson, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Fat-Shaming, Thin-Shaming, Objectification
“[after introducing his overweight girlfriend to Mauricio]
Hal: Does she take the cake, or what?

Mauricio: She takes the whole bakery, Hal.”
— Hal Larson, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Fat-Shaming, take the cake
“Hal: So what do you weigh, like 110? 115?

Rosemary: [sarcastically] Which one of my butt cheeks are you talking about?”
— Hal Larson, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Fat-Shaming
“Tony Robbins: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women?

Hal: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit, too.

Tony Robbins: Ok Hal, hypothetical situation; Which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?

Hal: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?”
— Hal Larson, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Fat-Shaming, shallow, Objectification
“[after Rosemary's weight crushed a chair]
Hal: Jesus Christ! What the hell's wrong with this chair? What's this shit made out of, anyway?

Restaurant Manager: Uhh... Steel.”
— Hal Larson, Shallow Hal
Tagged: Fat-Shaming
“You got a pattern of judging women by their exterior, we can't talk about it, we need to break it, I want you to ask yourself has there ever been a time where you have been increasingly shallow, you just looked at a woman and thought you were better then she was.”
— Tony Robbins, Shallow Hal
Tagged: beauty, inner beauty, shallow
“You know, there are a few times in a guy's life - and I mean two or three, tops - when he comes to a crossroads, and he's gotta decide. If he goes one way, he can keep doing what he's been doing and be with any woman who'll have him. And if he goes the other way, he gets to be with only one woman, maybe - maybe for the rest of his life. Now it seems that by taking the other road, he's missing out on a lot. But the truth is, he gets much more in return. He gets to be happy.”
— Hal, Shallow Hal
Tagged: inner beauty, beauty
“Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?”
— Tony Robbins, Shallow Hal
Tagged: beauty, inner beauty
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