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Meatballs Quotes

“Tripper: I'm takin' the C.I.T.s on an overnight for the next couple days so you're gonna have to do your own training, son. I want you to run two miles today and two and a half tomorrow.

Rudy: I've never run that far.

Tripper: Neither have I but somebody's gotta do it. I can't be expected to do it. Somebody's gotta do it, and it can't be me. Because I'm too busy. I've responsibilities. I'm the entertainment director for the overnight.

[Holds up a bottle of wine]”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Training, Responsibilities
“OK, the zone's not working. They're a little too big to play man-to-man. And we can't shoot for shit.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Basketball, zone defense, Shit
“[with the CITs around a campfire] It's a weird moon. The moon kills, you know. It feeds off the earth. On a night like this, one of us could get up in the middle of the night, grab an ax, and cut somebody's head off. I remember a night like this, a few years ago. A guy and a girl went out driving. It was one of their first dates. It started out kind of casual, but they ended up deciding to go park, not too far from here, as a matter of fact. While they're going at it, listening to the radio, all of a sudden, a news bulletin broke in: ‘A dangerous lunatic has escaped from the hospital for the criminally insane at Two Pines.’ They described him as a monster, six-and-a-half-feet tall, with one horrible distinguishing feature, a sharpened stainless-steel hook where his right hand used to be! That was enough for the guy. He slammed the car into gear, floored it, bounced off a tree, didn't stop till they got to the girl's house. Got out of his side, walked around to hers. There, hanging in the door, covered with blood—was a stainless-steel hook! The strangest part, is that after all these years, after the biggest manhunt in Two Pines' history, they never found the killer. Some people say he's still up here in the woods, waiting for the chance to kill again. And I say... I say they're right!

[Trip sticks a hook out of his sleeve. Everyone screams]
”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Moon, campfire stories, Killer, Criminally Insane
“Tripper: Roxanne, I have what doctors call ‘very active glands.’ You're the first person I've told, my folks don't even know.

Roxanne: Well, maybe you can have surgery without them knowing.

Tripper: Awww, heck with surgery! Let's wrestle!”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: glands, Surgery, Sex Drive, Wrestling
“Rudy: I saw you dancing with Roxanne.

Tripper: Oh yeah? Well, she sorta cornered me and there was nothing I could do without embarrassing her.

Rudy: Do you like her?

Tripper: Well I feel sorry for her, you know. She's got a glass eye. And, uh, I'm one of the few people who knows exactly which eye to look at when they're talking to her, so she's sort of fixated on me.

Rudy: Well, I like her.

Tripper: Well you're not exactly known for your taste. I'll probably just use her for the rest of the summer and then throw her on the scrap heap with all the rest of the women that I've destroyed.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Dancing, player
“Mmmmm. Look at all those steaming wieners. Do you know what they're saying? They're saying, ‘This is the year that Fink beats 'The Stomach'. [Fink picks up a hot dog and holds it to his ear] No, it's a couple of them over here... but they're saying it.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Hot Dogs, Anthropomorphism
“Kids are starving in India and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Starvation, India, sombrero, Peanuts
“Wendy: Tripper, I'm looking forward to some action this summer. I hope you can supply it.

Tripper: I'll supply it for you, but the guy you gotta watch out for is Spaz!

Wendy: Spaz?

Tripper: He's a sex machine.

Wendy: He couldn't wake me up with a trumpet and a drum!

Tripper: Well I went out with him one night and he got off six nurses by himself, and four of them couldn't report to work the next morning!”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: sex machine, priapism
“Attention campers, afternoon swim schedule is as follows. Advanced dolphins, report to the dock for survival swimming and I.Q. testing. All senior silverfish, meet on the beach for nude sunbathing. All junior salmon, trout, and herring, report to the nearest delicatessen. And six-year-old tadpoles, report to the swamp. And all lobsters, GET OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE A MENACE!”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: campers, Lobsters, tadpoles, trout, herring, IQ
“But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness Week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness Week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Hookers, Sexual Awareness Week, rape and pillage
“Important announcement—some hunters have been seen in the woods near Piney Ridge trail and the fish and game commission has raised the legal kill limit on campers to three. So, if you're hiking today, please wear something bright and keep low.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Hunters, Hunting Humans
“[entering party] Alright, virgins to the left, non-virgins to the right. [to Crocket and Wheels] You guys split 'em up however you want.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: Virgins
“You must be the short, depressed kid we ordered.”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: short, depressed
“Attention. Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed ‘some kind of beef.’”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: veal, Beef, Mystery Meat
“Tripper: And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good-looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!

Rest of Group: IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER...”
— Triipper Harrison, Meatballs
Tagged: God in Heaven, Money
“What? No mustard?”
— The Stomach, Meatballs
Tagged: food, Mustard
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