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MAS*H

(41 total)

The 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital is stuck in the middle of the Korean war. With little help from the circumstances they find themselves in, they are forced to make their own fun. Fond of practical jokes and revenge, the doctors, nurses, administra

Seasons

Season 1 (7)Season 2 (6)Season 3 (9)Season 4 (7)Season 5 (5)Season 6 (1)Season 7 (5)Season 8 (1)

Characters

Alan Alda (23)Hawkeye Pierce (20)Larry Gelbart (16)Larry Linville (11)Major Franklin Marion Burns (11)Laurence Marks (9)Maxwell Klinger (4)Jamie Farr (4)Everett Greenbaum (3)James Fritzell (3)

Sometimes when a man's anxious to stick out a glad hand, it's because he's got something up his sleeve.

— Tommy Reeder, Sherman T. Potter, Harry Morgan, imdb.com

Ulterior Motives

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happy Hour.

— David Isaacs, Ken Levine, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Life Pursuit of Happiness happy hour Drinking

It's no contest: neither one of you. You guys don't even make the first cut. I'm trying to tell my uncle what kind of a place I work in: doctors, nurses saving lives. Well, I got a commanding officer who dresses me up in his clothes and sits me on a horse named Sophie so he can paint his own picture…

— Jim Mulligan, John Rappaport, Maxwell Klinger, Jamie Farr, imdb.com

crazy everyone is crazy Section 8 Letters Home

Simmons: I'm sorry for being so young. BJ: That's all right, you'll grow out of it.

— Mitch Markowitz, B. J. Hunnicutt, Mike Farrell, imdb.com

Youth Adulthood

I have a good mind to baptize you both, in dirty water.

— David Isaacs, Ken Levine, Johnny Bonaduce, Father Mulcahy, William Christopher, imdb.com

baptism dirty water

War isn't hell. War is war, and hell is hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.

— Burt Prelutsky, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

war is hell War Hell

I am the essence of overconfidence. I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome, yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution, the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle fuzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I…

— Alan Alda, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

overconfidence winsome stag mate pollen

Margaret: You all know what day this is. Friday the 13th. Frank: She's right, and—nah, doesn't mean a thing. Hawkeye: Don't say that, Frank. I once spent Friday the 13th in a haunted house with a friend. I was never more frightened in my life. Potter: You see a ghost? Hawkeye: No, her husband materi…

— Jay Folb, Gene Reynolds, Margaret Houlihan, Loretta Swit, imdb.com

friday the 13th Haunted House Infidelity Cheating Wives

If my dog had your face, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards!

— John D. Hess, Maxwell Klinger, Jamie Farr, imdb.com

Absurd

Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then... then the hell with it. How dare you? The he…

— Alan Alda, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Iowa naivete Blood sausage grinder

I'm fine, Mom. Well actually, I'm not. You see, I had this friend. And this friend only pretended to like me. You know, the way Dad used to?

— Gary Markowitz, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Friends Fake Friends

If I had all the answers, I'd run for God.

— Larry Gelbart, Maxwell Klinger, Jamie Farr, imdb.com

God Omniscience

Corporal Owens: I don't want to go back to the fighting. BJ: Sounds serious. You may be coming down with mental health.

— Larry Gelbart, Simon Muntler, B. J. Hunnicutt, Mike Farrell, imdb.com

antiwar Mental Health

I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage no matter how ugly or disgusting it gets. I'd kill her before I'd divorce her!

— Alan Alda, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Marriage Divorce ugly disgusting

Courage is just something you can't be afraid to have.

— Larry Gelbart, Gene Reynolds, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Courage Fear

Frank: I can plug an ace of hearts at fifty feet. Hawkeye: I'll remember that if we're ever attacked by a bridge club.

— John D. Hess, Larry Gelbart, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

cards Aim

The way I see it, unless we each conform, unless we obey orders, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free.

— Burt Prelutsky, Larry Gelbart, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Conformity obedience Freedom

Frank: Another week of command and I'd have had you out of that dress! Klinger: I'm not that easy.

— Larry Gelbart, James Fritzell, Everett Greenbaum, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Transvestitism

Potter: I gather you drink. Hawkeye: Only to excess.

— Larry Gelbart, James Fritzell, Everett Greenbaum, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Drinking Alcoholism

Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

— Larry Gelbart, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Marriage Divorce Painfully Obvious

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