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SMILF Quotes

“Bridgette: What's that?

Rafi: It's a muscleman mud run. What's that about?

Man: Wicked hard obstacle course. Alright? Raising money for the V.A., It beats slaving away at the gym. Right?

Rafi: I'm down for that.

Bridgette: Is it for dudes, only?

Man: No.

Eliza: Then, why did you only hand it to the guy?

Man: I didn't mean anything by it, I just liked the look of him. I figured he's into it. You're into it, right?

Rafi: Yeah, man, I do my thing. I hit it hard.

Bridgette: Did you not hand to my friend because she's a beautiful woman?

Eliza: And to my friend, because she has a kid?

Nelson: Or me, 'cos I'm fat.

Man: No, alright look, take these.

Bridgette: Pass.”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: Deep-Dish Pizza & a Shot of Holy Water
Tagged: Muscleman Mud Run, obstacle course, Lookism
“Doctor: Take my advice, have fun, go have sex.

Bridgette: With who?

Doctor: Just find somebody, have sex. Just make sure it's protected.

Bridgette: It's so hard for me to do that.”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: A Box of Dunkies and Two Squirts of Maple Syrup
Tagged: Sex, Unprotected Sex, STDs
“Bridgette: I just wish you could at least pretend to support me.

Tutu: I support you every single day, honey. I pray for you. 

Bridgette: Yeah? What do you say?

Tutu: I say, ‘Dear Heavenly Father, please protect my Bridgette. She's a little lost. She's like a sheep. Please guide her towards—'

Bridgette: I'm a sheep. Okay. I'm a sheep.

Tutu: You're a beautiful sheep, Bridge. I didn't say you were a pig. 

Bridgette: I'd rather be a pig. 

Tutu: Than a sheep? 

Bridgette: Yeah. Cause pigs are smart.”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: Deep-Dish Pizza & a Shot of Holy Water
Tagged: prayer, pigs, Sheep
“Eliza: What the fuck did we just agree to do?

Bridgette: I don't know. It's like we're in a bad Goldie Hawn movie from the '80s.”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: Deep-Dish Pizza & a Shot of Holy Water
Tagged: Goldie Hawn, 80s Movies
“Bridgette: What happened to you at Harvard?

Casey: What do you mean?

Bridgette: I don't know. Harvard's made you—

Casey: What? 

Bridgette: Just like, you're just different.

Casey: Different?

Bridgette: Yeah, just like, you know.

Casey: Well, in high school, I was different.

Bridgette: You were not. 

Casey: I was, I was. 

Bridgette: No, you were not.

Casey: You didn't see that part of me because I was studious.

Bridgette: You were not studious. I wrote half your papers.

Casey: That is true. Yeah, and you helped me write my college essay, which was very good.

Bridgette: I wrote your college essay. I spent a whole weekend writing that. I stayed up very late.”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: 1,800 Filet-O-Fishes & One Small Diet Coke
Tagged: Harvard, studying, Cheating, College Exams
“Recruitment Consultant: Moving on, do you have any special skills?

Bridgette: Yes...basketball.

Recruitment Consultant: You know, I think I might actually have an opening in prostitution.

Bridgette: As in, prostitution?

Recruitment Consultant: It's actually perfect for you. Make your own hours, pays great. Recession-proof.

Bridgette: I dunno, do you have anything prostitution-adjacent?”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: Half a Sheet Cake & a Blue-Raspberry Slushie
Tagged: Recession-Proof, Prostitution-Adjacent, prostitution, Unemployment
“Landlord: Bridgette please, I need your rent.

Bridgette: You wanna get high?”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: Half a Sheet Cake & a Blue-Raspberry Slushie
Tagged: Landlord, Rent, Evasion, Getting High
“Tutu: I'm getting my cavity filled, if you follow my meaning!

Bridgette: Oh my god.”
— Tutu, SMILF, Season 1: Chocolate Pudding & a Cooler of Gatorade
Tagged: Cavity Filled, Double Entendre, OMG
“Tutu: Could you help me with where my cheekbones are?

Assistant: Look surprised.

Tutu: Well, that looked like you felt a little nauseous.”
— Tutu, SMILF, Season 1: Family-Sized Popcorn & a Can of Wine
Tagged: Cheekbones, Surprised, Nauseous
“Bridgette: I'm going on a date with my dad!

Eliza: Yay! So gross.”
— Bridgette Bird, SMILF, Season 1: Mark's Lunch & Two Cups of Coffee
Tagged: Incest, Gross
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