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Sabrina, the Teenage Witch Quotes

“The end of a relationship is always the most depressing part. But it's gotta be really depressing to end something that never got a chance to begin.”
— Roxie King, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Almost Relationships, Dating, Love, depressing, chances, breakup
“Roxie: If you're gonna date based on principle, your choices are the Pope or St. Francis of Assisi.

Sabrina: So I've got options.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Dating, Options, Principle, Francis of Assisi, Pope, joke, Relationships
“Roxie: Hey, what's that for?

Sabrina: Josh and I are throwing a singles party at the coffeehouse. I'm sure you think it's stupid.

Roxie: I haven't been on a date in five months. I can live with stupid.

Sabrina: Well, there's no motivation like desperation.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Dating, Single, Desperate, motivation, Relationships, party
“Miles: Okay, I've checked out all the bedrooms and closets. And, Morgan, while you have an interesting selection of hosiery, I detect no supernatural activity.

Morgan: You went looking for poltergeists in my underwear drawer?

Miles: For your own protection.”
— Morgan Cavanaugh, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit
Tagged: Poltergeist, Supernatural, Raunchy, Underwear, Irreverent, Ghost Hunting, joke
“Salem: Hmm. I knew this day would come. Sabrina, it's time for the talk.

Sabrina: Most girls get it from their mothers, I get it from the cat.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit
Tagged: the talk, Cat, Magic, Animals, joke
“Haley: So, what do you do for fun?

Amanda: You're looking at the witch who put the hole in the ozone layer.

Sean: Wow, I didn't know girls could do stuff like that.

Amanda: Well, you don't know this girl.”
— Amanda, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall
Tagged: feminism, Women, Ozone Layer, Magic, witch, Fun, Mischief
“James: All right, let's see, you've been expelled from twelve different schools, you forced fourteen teachers into early retirement, one into a straitjacket. On the other hand, you were the top seller in the Other Realm High magazine drive.

Sabrina: That's what I love about Amanda, she's a real go-getter.

James: It says here you never turned in the money.

Amanda: That's because I spent it on a mountain bike. No, wait, I stole the bike, and spent the money on a Kate Spade bag.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall
Tagged: Go-Getter, Ambition, criminal, Thief, Bad Apple, Underachiever
“Morgan: Why am I such an idiot? I keep fooling myself into thinking that one year I am actually going to have a normal Christmas.

Sabrina: Morgan, normal is relative.

Morgan: Yeah, too bad my relatives aren't normal.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas
Tagged: Christmas, Holidays, Relatives, relative, Family
“Roxie: Whoever you are, I'm warning you, I have a black belt.

Hilda: Roxie?

Roxie: Okay, it's charcoal, but it goes with the shoes. Hilda, what are you doing here? And what's with your hair?”
— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas
Tagged: black belt, Fashion, intruder, joke
“Sabrina: Hey, Roxie, what's your family doing for Christmas?

Roxie: The usual. We put up an aluminum tree, get take-out from Taco Bell, and then I watch my Dad and step-mom exchange cartons of Winston Lights.

Morgan: Your family exchanges cigarettes?

Roxie: Hey, it's just not Christmas without a visit from Jolly old St. Nicotine!”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas
Tagged: Holidays, Christmas, present, Pun, Taco Bell, Family
“Zelda: So, I hear things are heating up between you and Derek.

Sabrina: Well, let's just say we could melt a glacier.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Some of My Best Friends are Half-Mortals
Tagged: Dating, Relationships, joke, Pun, Climate Change
“Sabrina: Hey, guys, having fun?

Roxie: I'm standing here with Miles, what do you think?

Miles: If this is the best party of all time, I'm glad I'm a social outcast.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: The Halloween Scene
Tagged: party, Outcast, Socially Awkward, Introvert, awkward, Bored, Relatable
“Salem: That's awful. I hate prejudice. Do you know how many women have rejected me just because I have four legs and a tail? It's wrong, I tell ya! Why don't they care about what's inside?

Sabrina: Salem, what's on the inside of you, is a selfish, misogynistic pig.

Salem: Hey, pigs are people too!”
— Salem Saberhagen (voice), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Some of My Best Friends are Half-Mortals
Tagged: Cat, animal, Pig, Dating, misogynist, Selfish, Rejection, Prejudice
“Roxie: This is journalism, you write the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

Sabrina: But what if the chips destroy somebody?

Roxie: I think I'm beginning to understand who Sabrina Spellman is. You can't handle the truth!

Sabrina: I can handle the truth. I just can't handle the guilt.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's
Tagged: Journalism, Truth, Guilt, Philosophical, Moral Dilemma
“Roxie: Did you put in fresh batteries?

Sabrina: Yeah, I'm packing two Ds. And believe me, that's the first time I've ever said that.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's
Tagged: Raunchy, Irreverent, joke, Womanhood
“So what are you looking forward to most about being a Mu Pi? Doing your toenails with the other girls, or highlighting each other's hair?”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's
Tagged: Sororities, Girly, College, Making Fun, Impersonation
“Pete: Hey, hi, I'm... I'm Pete, from your English Lit class. I was wondering if you'd, uh... you'd like to, um...

Roxie: ...grade your pickup line? D minus.

Sabrina: That wasn't a pickup line.

Pete: Oh, actually, it was. You, uh, wanna go to a movie Saturday night?”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Heart of the Matter
Tagged: Dating, awkward, Pick Up Lines, Rude
“Sabrina: Can you distract a room full of poets?

Hilda: Easy.

Salem: With your clothes on?

Hilda: Oh.”
— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Time After Time
Tagged: humor, Raunchy, Poets, Distraction, Irreverent
“Josh: It's funny how you two became best friends. Didn't she hate you at first?

Sabrina: Roxie hates everybody at first. It's her way of reaching out to people.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Cloud Ten
Tagged: Friendship, Hate, Enemy, Frenemies, awkward
“Hilda: Maybe we should start with something simple. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Harvey: A penny saved is a penny earned.

Salem: Don't eat yellow snow.”
— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Deliver Us from E-mail
Tagged: Advice, Adage, wise, joke
“Morgan: Yeah, you don't find many full-faceted diamonds with a VVS of two.

Hilda: Sounds like you know your jewelry.

Morgan: Let's put it this way. Not only did I have breakfast at Tiffany's, I stayed for lunch and dinner.”
— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Hex, Lies & No Videotape
Tagged: Breakfast At Tiffany's, Pop Culture, jewelry, rich, Diamonds, joke, Expert
“Oh, my gosh, Josh, this is fantastic! You're the greatest boyfriend in the universe. And I know, I've been out there.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Hex, Lies & No Videotape
Tagged: Relationships, Love, Boyfriend, Universe, Magic, witch
“Sabrina: Salem, any thoughts on what I should go as for Halloween?

Salem: Hmm. Off the top of my head, fashion victim?

Sabrina: The only thing lamer than that joke are my plans for Halloween.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Murder on the Halloween Express
Tagged: joke, Sassy, lame, Insult, Halloween, Holidays, costume
“Roxie: Do you hear yourself when you speak?

Morgan: Depends on what I say.”
— Morgan Cavanaugh, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Sabrina's Date with Destiny
Tagged: joke, Ditzy, dumb, Sassy
“Morgan: Sabrina, we said that we were gonna spend tonight cleaning out the closets and getting rid of junk. And by that, I mean Roxie's clothes.

Roxie: If we dumped half your makeup, we'd have room for an ice-skating rink.”
— Morgan Cavanaugh, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: Call Me Crazy
Tagged: insults, Rude, cleaning, Friendship, Roommates, Bitchy
“Wait a minute. How are you gonna quit magic? Go to Witch Watchers?”
— Harvey Kinkle, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: Witch Way Out
Tagged: Pun, joke, witch, Magic, Weight Watchers
“Sabrina: So you're my prince...

Aaron: Not a prince, just a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: You Slay Me
Tagged: Prince, wedding, Royal, Love, sweet, Confession
“At the end of the day, the important thing to remember is that Aaron loves me, and I love Harvey.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: Spellmanian Slip
Tagged: Love, Love Triangle, Relationships, Complicated
“Shirley: I like her. I like her a lot. Even more than Brenda.

Sabrina: Thank you.  Who’s Brenda?

Aaron: Oh, no one. No one important.

Shirley: His last fiancé.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: Spellmanian Slip
Tagged: Love, Relationships, Fiance, Secrets, Lies, Pointed
“So, you're in the nuclear biz? I once dated a guy named Adam, but then we split!”
— Morgan Cavanaugh, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: Spellmanian Slip
Tagged: joke, Science, Science Joke, Nuclear, Pun
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