1. Home
    2.  › 
  2. TV Quotes
    3.  › 
  3. Roseanne

Roseanne Quotes

“Here's why you can't trust your kids 'cause they're stupid. That's why we don't give 'em cars or booze.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Roseanne Gets the Chair
Tagged: kids, Kids Are Dumb, Parenting
“Etsy is like a yard sale except online because nobody can afford a yard anymore.”
— Darlene Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Roseanne Gets the Chair
Tagged: Etsy, Digital Yardsales
“Andrea: Did all of your children's deliveries go according to your birth plan? 

Roseanne: Um, they found their way out, if that's what you mean.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Dress to Impress
Tagged: Child Birth, Giving Birth To A Child, Class Differences
“You gotta pick your fights in life.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Dress to Impress
Tagged: strategy
“I think you guys are really gonna like Mark 'cause he is a lot of fun, and he's very fashionable. Sometimes he wants to wear a dress or a real fancy top. I think he's gonna grow up and be a fashion designer. A really famous one, like, uh, T.J.Maxx or, um or that Ross guy. So, I'm counting on you guys to make the new kid feel welcome. And if you don't, I have ways of finding out about it. I'm a white witch.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Dress to Impress
Tagged: Speeches, Not Knowing High Fashion
“Okay, he doesn't have to wear pants, but he's gotta wear underwear.”
— Dan Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Dress to Impress
Tagged: pants, Be Different But Wear Underwear
“Everything's fun when you're a kid. You ever go to the circus as an adult? It's nothing but animals getting beat and drunk clowns.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Adults vs. Children, When You're Kid, Circus, Clowns, Things Get Boring When You Get Older, Wonder of Child vs. Sobriety of An Adult
“It is not my fault that I just happen to be a charismatic person who's always right about everything.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Big Ego, Believing Too Much In Yourself, Over the Top Confidence
“We're gonna love the baby, we're gonna raise the baby to believe that anything is possible, until the time the baby realizes it got screwed by being born into this family, then we're gonna send that baby out into the world until such time said baby returns home to us to live with its own baby!”
— Dan Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Dysfunctional Families, Cycle of Childbirth, Adult Children Returning To The Nest, Moving Back In With Your Parents, No Hope To Break The Cyle
“Come on, I'll give you a ride to your job interview. All's you got to do is open up your Uber app and request me.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Jokes, Bate and Switch Jokes
“Jackie: What has happened to you? You always believed in my body, my choice.  

Roseanne: Right, and her body came out of my body, so it's my choice.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: My Body My Choice, Controlling Your Kids, Bossing Around Your Kids, kids
“Most of all, Lord, thank you for making America great again.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Trump's America, Make America Great Again, 2018 Political Climate
“Don't be mean to your sister. She's an old woman trying to have a baby.”
— Roseanne Conner, Roseanne, Season 1: Twenty Years to Life
Tagged: Subtle Insults, Pregnancy at Old Age
loading next page...