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Magnum, P.I. Quotes

“I've always felt at home on the ocean, even as a kid. Maybe that's why I spend so much time alone on it, even on the 4th of July. I know, the Fourth should be spent with your buddies drinking beer, or eating hot dogs at the ballpark, or hoping into a potato sack race with your best girl, or barbecuing in the back yard with your folks. Maybe for most Americans, but for me it's been a day to spend alone, to remember. So, here I was all alone on the ocean starting my annual Independence Day remembrance. At least I wouldn't get my fingers blown off by a cherry bomb.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 4: Home From the Sea
Tagged: Ocean, July 4, Barbecue, Independence Day
“Higgins: Sometimes you amaze me, Magnum, truly. Your intuitive grasp of human nature is so...so...

Magnum: Perceptive?

Higgins: Pre-adolescent.”
— Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, Magnum, P.I., Season 3: Ki' i's Don't Lie
Tagged: Perceptive, pre-adolescent, insults, Numan nature
“Hawaii is one of those places that, keeps topping itself. Just when you think you'll never see another sunset as beautiful, there comes a sunrise that only Gauguin could imagine. It kind of makes unemployment easier to take.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Wave Goodbye
Tagged: Hawaii, Beautiful, sunrise, gaugin, Unemployment
“After three days of surveillance, I was familiar with the rhythm of the street. At nine in the morning, those about to be sacrificed to the Hawaiian gods of sun, sea, and sand were making their ritualistic trek to the beach. I knew from experience that very few would return with their skin. At noon, the late risers and the serious souvenir hunters were prowling about, snatching up bargain buys on plastic hula skirts and cheap coral beads. At three-fifteen I got my afternoon treat. I called her Olga, for obvious reasons. The cops are pretty good about keeping hookers off the street during the day, but, I guess when you're as big as Olga, you can work any time you want. By sunset the last of the lobsters were returning from the beach, which meant my day was nearly over and all I had to show for it was a sore butt, and a case of heartburn.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 5: Mac's Back
Tagged: Hula Skirts, Coral Beads, Sunset, lobster, beach, Heartburn
“There’s some tea on the table, and some scones. You might try the strawberry jam too, it’s really quite good. An old comrade from the Burma campaign sent it to me—Tanky Moran. Got his name when he singlehandedly took on a Japanese tank and knocked it out. [pause] Now he’s selling jam in Devonshire.”
— Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, Magnum, P.I., Season 3: Did You See the Sunrise?
Tagged: Burma, tea, Strawberry Jam, Devonshire
“Another cliché about getting information from bartenders is that no matter how sincere they sound, you know as soon as you're out the door, they're on the phone warning the guy you want to see. And this guy didn't strike me as being particularly different.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Wave Goodbye
Tagged: cliche, Bartenders
“T.C.: Um, T.M., did you come up with this plan all by your lonesome?

Magnum: Yeah. What's the matter?

T.C.: I don't know. Well, I don't know yet. I just keep remembering the plan you had to get all the POW's out of Cambodia.

Magnum: T.C., there is no comparison between that plan and this one.

T.C.: I hope not. I don't need any more scars.”
— Théodore 'Terry' Calvin (T.C.), Magnum, P.I., Season 2: From Moscow to Maui
Tagged: Scars, plans, POWs, Cambodia
“Rick: You better be right, sweetheart.

Magnum: Come on, when have I ever been wrong?

Rick: I can't count that high.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Dead Man's Channel
Tagged: Right, Wrong, Sick Burns
“Higgins: As you may have noticed, I've fired the groundskeeper. Until I can find a successor, I'd like you to assume some of the responsibilities.

Magnum: But Higgins, I don't know the first thing about gardening!

Higgins: I assure you, the kind of work I had in mind requires no intelligence whatsoever.

Magnum: Like what?

Higgins: Like distributing 1500 pounds of recycled vegetation that was delivered this morning.

Magnum: Recycled vegetation!? What do you mean 'recycled vegetation'? Recycled how?

Higgins: [smiles] Through a cow.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Billy Joe Bob
Tagged: Gardening, Menial Labor, Manure
“ So, a woman can’t go out like a man, huh? She takes pills. Swims out to sea or slits her wrists, but she ain’t got the guts to blotto the old face, isn’t that what you said Tony, huh? Here’s one woman who’s going to take it right between the big blues, just to show you how smart you really are.”
— Erin Wolfe, Magnum, P.I., Season 1: Skin Deep
Tagged: Women, Men, empowerment, feminism
“Magnum: I'm not an intruder, I'm a guest!

Higgins: Guests eventually leave.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 1: Thank Heaven for Little Girls and Big Ones Too
Tagged: intruder, guest, unwanted guest
“So far this case had cost me my right to the wine cellar, the last cash in my pocket, and nearly my life. If that clerk was lying to me, I was gonna come back down here and shove that Robin Masters paperback in his ear!”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 1: Thank Heaven for Little Girls and Big Ones Too
Tagged: Revenge, Bad Advice
“Alice Cook: Why did you quit, Tom?

Magnum: It was nothing earth-shattering. One day I woke up age 33, and realized I'd never been 23.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 1: Don't Eat the Snow in Hawaii
Tagged: Quitting, Aging
“Higgins: Don't ruin my whiskey with ice! I'm not a bloody American!

Magnum: Higgins, you yo-yo!”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 1: Don't Eat the Snow in Hawaii
Tagged: anti-American, Yo-Yo
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