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House Quotes

“Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: Humpty Dumpty
Tagged: Jerk, People, Sex, I'm That good
“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: Humpty Dumpty
Tagged: bonus, points, Care, Acting, Sarcasm
“There is a code: Bros before hoes, man.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: Acceptance
Tagged: Code, Men, brothers, Women, Bros before hoes
“You know what's worse than useless? Useless and oblivious.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Three Stories
Tagged: useles, oblivious, Worse
“Dr. James Wilson: Hey, you have to treat this like a regular case. Be yourself: cold, uncaring, distant.

Dr. Gregory House: Please, don't put me on a pedestal.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Honeymoon
Tagged: regular case, cold, normal, uncaring, distant, Sassy, Sarcastic Depression, Pedestal
“Just because you don't know what the right answer is, maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Three Stories
Tagged: Right, Answer, Okay, simpler, Wrong
“It is in the nature of medicine, that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession or finish medical school and teach.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Three Stories
Tagged: Medicine, Death, Dying Art, screw up, Reality, medical school, Teaching
“Ramona: Hi. I'm having vaginal pain.

Dr. Gregory House: Pleasure to meet you.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Love Hurts
Tagged: Vaginal Pain, Introductions, Pleasure, Meeting Someone
“You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Love Hurts
Tagged: Delusion, Perfect, fix everything
“I am not warm and fuzzy and you are basically a stuffed animal made by grandma.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Role Model
Tagged: Warm, fuzzy, stuffed animal, Metaphor Examples, Grandma, Contrast
“Dr. Eric Foreman: 10-year-olds do not have heart attacks. It's got to be a mistake.

Dr. Gregory House: Right. The simplest explanation is she's a 40-year-old lying about her age. Maybe an actress trying to hang on”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Heavy
Tagged: Heart Attack, mistake, Sassy, lying about age, actress, Age, sarcastic
“Dr. Robert Chase: The hematoma caused the coma.

Dr. Gregory House: That's a catchy diagnosis. You could dance to that.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Mob Rules
Tagged: Coma, catchy, Rhyme, Dancing, Diagnosis
“You took a chance, you did something great. You were wrong, but it was still great. You should feel great that it was great. You should feel like crap that it was wrong.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: DNR
Tagged: Chance, Great, Wrong, Crap, Feelings
“The most successful marriages are based on lies.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Maternity
Tagged: Marriage, Lies, Relationships
“Is a lie a lie if everybody knows it's a lie?”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Fidelity
Tagged: Lie, Questions, Pondering, Knowledge, lying
“Dr. Allison Cameron: Men should grow up.

Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Occam's Razor
Tagged: Men, Dogs, habits, Sassy, sarcastic, Grow Up
“You can't order a thirty-two hundred dollar DNA test to win a bet!”
— Dr. Lisa Cuddy, House, Season 1: Paternity
Tagged: Money, DNA, win a bet, Bets
“Dr. Eric Foreman: He probably just moved. Nobody stays perfectly still for their entire MRI.

Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Paternity
Tagged: MRI, Restless, sarcastic, Brain, comfortable
“I need thirty-six Vicodin and change for a dollar.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Drugs, Vicodin, Change, dollar
“Religion is the placebo of the masses.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 5: Unfaithful
Tagged: Religion, Placebo
“Nobel invented dynamite, I won't accept his blood money.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: TB or Not TB
Tagged: Nobel Prize, humor
“If you're dying, suddenly everybody loves you.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: Autopsy
Tagged: Death, Dying, Compassion, The Human Condition
“Love and happiness are nothing but distractions.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 7: Recession Proof
Tagged: Love, Happiness, Life, Distractions, Reality
“There's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me' though, if you jumble it up.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: DNR
Tagged: Teamwork, Collaboration, Cooperation, humor, Sarcasm
“If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Honeymoon
Tagged: Sincerity, fake
“Truth begins in lies.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Truth, Lies
“Reality is almost always wrong.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Occam's Razor
Tagged: Reality, Perception
“If nobody hates you, you're doing something wrong.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: Games
Tagged: Hatred, Likeability
“There are three choices in this life: be good, get good, or give up.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: Games
Tagged: Life, Self-improvement, Keeping Up, Giving Up, Challenge
“Patient: Times changes everything.

House: That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 3: One Day, One Room
Tagged: Time, Change, Taking Action, Self-Direction
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