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Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

“Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Party
Tagged: orange soda, cereal, spill
“Boyle: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.

Jake: No, it's probably just an empty white cube, with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Party
Tagged: beauty and the beast, fancy, USB, cubicle, plug, Finger
“We've busted murderers; we've taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer- the Fire Department.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Operation
Tagged: busted, murders, cartels, worst, Fire Department
“Boyle: It'll be the perfect opportunity to update my rankings. Can we stop at home for a pizza bib?

Jake: No, Charles, we gotta go fast.

Boyle: Right, right, I'll just use my work bib.”
— Charles Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Sal's Pizza
Tagged: bib, Fast, Work, different occasions
“Diaz: Could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Attorney: Crying?”
— Rosa Diaz, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: 48 Hours
Tagged: Stop, face, Crying, Weird
“I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: appealed, Sense, Teamwork, rousing, Speech, shakespeare, Shame
“Jake: 20 seconds to spare. Game over, Captain. Check me.

Holt: I think you mean 'Checkmate.' You really need to learn how to play chess.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: spare, game over, check me, Checkmate, play chess
“Fine. But in protest, I'm walking over there extremely slowly!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Vulture
Tagged: Fine, protest, slowly
“I swear, these perps are so stupid. I'd make a better criminal than any of 'em.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: swear, perps, Stupid, criminal
“Jake: God, you had sex with a 68-year-old when you were in your 20s?

Boyle: You know how it is, when you have a chance to bed an older woman, you-

Jake: No, that's not an older woman; that's an old woman! That's someone's grandma!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Vulture
Tagged: Sex, Old, Grandma, Bed, Chance
“God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: M.E. Time
Tagged: worst, fourth grader, upset, tattle tale, Sassy
“Backstreet Boys. I'm familiar. Okay. [presses intercom] Number one, could you please sing the opening to 'I Want It That Way?'”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: DFW
Tagged: Backstreet Boys, Criminal Investigation, sing, Lineup, suspect
“Amy: Yeah. I hope it wasn't a mistake.

Peralta: 'I hope it wasn't a mistake,' title of your sex tape? [gasps] Title of our sex tape!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: New Captain
Tagged: mistake, Sex, Regrets, sex tape
“'I'm so confused I don't know what's happening right now': title of your sex tape.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: HalloVeen
Tagged: sex tape, Sex, joke
“Amy: And you laughed at me when I went to that weekend-long math conference.

Diaz: Because you called it 'Funky Cats and Their Feisty Stats.'”
— Rosa Diaz, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 4: Skyfire Cycle
Tagged: Math, Nerdy, Stats, Conference
“Diaz: NYPD! Get down on the comfortable matted floor!

Boyle: Put your magical hands where I can see them!

Diaz: You're under arrest for ruining something perfect!

Boyle: And money laundering.”
— Rosa Diaz, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 4: The Overmining
Tagged: Arrest, Perfect, Laundering, Crime
“Peralta: This envelope contains my inheritance from my uncle, he died a year ago. He was so rich, he had a whole room in his house just to eat in.

Gina: You mean like a dining room?

Peralta: Yeah. But in Manhattan.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Cheddar
Tagged: rich, Money, Dining Room, Manhattan
“Diaz: Look, man. Nobody's ever gonna see that footage; the case was cut and dry. It's not like I'm dying to tell anyone I saw your-

Boyle: Benny and the Jets.”
— Charles Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Karen Peralta
Tagged: penis, nude, Naked, awkward
“Peralta: Sir, we just caught a serial killer! I've wanted this since I was four years old!

Holt: That's troubling.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: The Oolong Slayer
Tagged: Goals, Troubling, strange, ambitions
“ Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang 'This Is How We Do It' 143 times.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Sabatoge
Tagged: This Is How We Do It, Singing, Time, Waiting
“Peralta: Hey, Captain, I just sent you an email, uh...

Holt: 'Dear Captain, we were all so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.' Sent from, 'My Stinky Butt.'”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Lockdown
Tagged: Email, Condolences, Loss, Stinky Butt
“Judge Mindel: This looks like it was filled out by a toddler! Now, we are going to have to go through this point-by-point. Justice cannot be rushed.

Peralta: But could it be gently nudged into hyper speed?

Judge Mindel: I take it you're the toddler.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Charges and Specs
Tagged: toddler, Justice, Judge, Hyper Speed, Rushing
“Terry: Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift?

Peralta: [Scoffs] No.

Technician: Lie.

Peralta: Allright fine. She is. She makes me feels things.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Unsolvable
Tagged: Taylor Swift, Lies, Feelings, Songs, Hits
“Diaz: Can you estimate the value of everything that was taken?

Gina: Emotionally? $700 million.”
— Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Ebony Falcon
Tagged: stolen, Emotional, Taken, Money, Value
“Holt: Same to you, your honor. [Hangs up the phone.]

Jake: Oh, what judge were you talking to?

Holt: That was my mother.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Thanksgiving
Tagged: Honor, mother, Judge
“Holt: I'm disappointed, Santiago. I thought you and I were close.

Amy: I know you're manipulating me... but I love it, and I will tell you anything.”
— Amy Santiago, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Old School
Tagged: manipulation, Gossip, Friendship
“Diaz: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna break those little fingers.

Judge: Ms. Diaz! Please stop threatening the stenographer!”
— Rosa Diaz, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Old School
Tagged: Violence, Threatening, Anger
“Holt: Now, I know everyone's mad at Detective Peralta for ruining their weekend.

Peralta: But?

Holt: That was it. I was just demonstrating for Detective Peralta what a fact is.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: 48 Hours
Tagged: Blame, Ruining, Sassy
“Holt: I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate.

Peralta: All right, there's the robot I fell in love with.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: Robot, Short sentences, Love, Participate
“Boyle: Don't- don't knock it 'till you try it! She had a replacement hip with some serious torque. It was like having sex with a Transformer!

Peralta: That is no one's fantasy!”
— Charles Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Vulture
Tagged: Sex, Old People, Transformers, Fantasy
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