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American Gods Quotes

“Mad Sweeney: I've done the math. This times that equals you're a cunt, divided by the only way I'm going to get what I need is if you give it to me, equals the only way you're going to give it to me is if you don't need it. Like my friend Jesus Christ, the only thing you need, dead wife, is resurrection.

Laura: Did you just name drop Jesus Christ like you know a guy who knows a guy?”
— Mad Sweeney, American Gods, Season 1: A Murder of Gods
Tagged: jesus, Vulgar, dead, Name Dropping, Cheeky
“Mr. World: Have we met?

Wednesday: Do not talk to him. Do not say a word. Do not tell him anything.

Mr. World: You don't have to. I already know you.

Shadow: No you don't.

Mr. World: You're a person. I know people, everything about all of them. You have a name: Shadow Moon. You have a blood type and a recurring nightmare: B-positive and an orchard of bones. You prefer swiss to cheddar and can't abide the tines of two forks touching. And this is the face you make when you masturbate. The same as your mother, who had 86 sexual partners throughout her life. Everything that happens is recorded and stored and recalled in the Book of Life.”
— Shadow Moon, American Gods, Season 1: Lemon Scented You
Tagged: All-Knowing, Book of Life, Cheeky, Vulgar, creepy
“Media: Wouldn't you like an upgrade? A brand new, lemon-scented you?

Wednesday: Oh I'm a fine me. I just keep getting better every year.”
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods, Season 1: Lemon Scented You
Tagged: Upgrade, Self-Confidence, Self-Worth, Cheeky, Fine
“Wednesday: This is the only country in the world that wonders what it is.

Shadow: You've been to a lot of other countries, have you?

Wednesday: No. No, never, just this one. Just that the others know what they are. I mean, no one wonders about the heart of Norway or goes searching for the soul of Mozambique. Mozambique knows what it is. They all know what they are.

Shadow: Americans know who they are.

Wednesday: They pretend they know. But it's still just pretending, like I'm pretending now. Just like you.”
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods, Season 1: Head Full of Snow
Tagged: Pretense, Confusion, America, Norway, Mozambique, pretending, heart, Soul, Identity
“Shadow: Wasn't supposed to snow today. Wasn't even supposed to be cold.

Wednesday: So, you're perfectly okay believing that tiny people on television can predict the weather. But you crinkle with consternation at the mere suggestion that you could make it snow.

Shadow: One of those things is science, okay? The other is fantasy.

Wednesday: You're talking about it like it's apples and oranges.

Shadow: It's not apples and oranges, okay? It's reality and fantasy.

Wednesday: Oh, so that's how the world works! It's either real or it's fantasy?

Shadow: Yeah, that's how the world works.

Wednesday: Yeah, says the man who hasn't seen it. Shadow, at best, you suffer from a failure of imagination. We're gonna have to fix that.”
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods, Season 1: Head Full of Snow
Tagged: Imagination, Reality, Fantasy, Science, Magic, Logic
“Wednesday: That woman thinks Jesus suffered for her sins. They're her sins, why should Jesus do all the suffering?

Shadow: Cause his dad sacrificed his ass.

Wednesday: Don't blame the parent. Plenty of suffering and blame to go around. Although that White Jesus could stand a little more suffering. He's doing very well for himself these days.

Shadow: ...And how many colors does Jesus come in?

Wednesday: Well you got your white, Jesuit-style Jesus, you got your black African Jesus, you got your brown Mexican Jesus, you got your swarthy Greek Jesus—

Shadow: That's a...That's a lot of Jesus.

Wednesday: There's a lot of need for Jesus, so there are a lot of Jesus.”
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods, Season 1: Head Full of Snow
Tagged: Religion, Race, jesus, God, Dark Humor, Irreverent
“Zorya: You keep giving away your life. You don't much care if you live or die do you?

Shadow: The world's not what I thought it would be.

Zorya: You'd rather die than live in a world with bears in the sky.”
— Shadow Moon, American Gods, Season 1: Head Full of Snow
Tagged: Life, Death, Depression, Disillusionment, Astronomy, Stars, Bear, Jaded
“Shadow: What are you looking at up there?

Zorya: I was looking at that. See?

Shadow: The big dipper?

Zorya: Odin's Wain, they call it. And the Great Bear. It is a thing. It's not a god. Like a god. It's a bad thing. Chained up in those stars. If it escapes, it will eat the whole of everything. So we watch the sky all day, all night, the three sisters. If he escapes, the thing in the stars, the world is over. Like that.

Shadow: And people believe that?

Zorya: A long time ago.”
— Shadow Moon, American Gods, Season 1: Head Full of Snow
Tagged: Stars, Astronomy, Legend, Myth, Bad
“Shadow: I think I'm losing my mind.

Wednesday: Well, when will you know for sure?”
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods, Season 1: The Secret of Spoons
Tagged: Cheeky, Witty, crazy, joke, strange
“Wednesday: Too many people tell each other not to repress their emotions, to release their feelings, to let the pain go. There's a lot to be said for bottling up emotions. I'm gonna tell you something and you're gonna want to hurt me, but what I say has gotta be said. So I want you to consider my words very carefully and refrain from knocking my teeth out.

Shadow: Say it.

Wednesday: Word on the street is your wife died sucking your best friend's cock. And you, sir, are only obligated to feel bad about that for so long.

Shadow: Thank you...for warning me.”
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods, Season 1: The Secret of Spoons
Tagged: Vulgar, Cheating, Insult, Truthful, Hurtful, blunt, Feelings, Repression
“You want help? Fine. Let me tell you a story. 'Once upon a time, a man got fucked.' Now, how is that for a story? 'Cause that's the story of black people in America! Shit, you all don't know you black yet. You think you just people. Let me be the first to tell you that you are all black. The moment these Dutch motherfuckers set foot here and decided they white, and you get to be black, and that's the nice name they call you. Let me paint a picture of what's waiting for you on the shore. You arrive in America, land of opportunity, milk and honey, and guess what? You all get to be slaves! Split up, sold off and worked to death! The lucky ones get Sunday off to sleep and fuck and make more slaves, and all for what? For cotton? Indigo? For a fucking purple shirt? The only good news is the tobacco your grandkids are gonna farm for free is gonna give a shitload of these white motherfuckers cancer. And I ain't even started yet. A hundred years later, you're fucked! A hundred years after that, fucked! A hundred years after you get free, you still getting fucked outta jobs and shot at by police! You see what I'm saying?”
— Mr. Nancy, American Gods, Season 1: The Secret of Spoons
Tagged: Black, Identity, racism, History, Black Lives Matter, Slavery, dark, America
“Wednesday: I offer you the worm from my beak and you look at me like I fucked your mom.

Shadow: Sorry, no. You're just the first person I talked to that wasn't an asshole.

Wednesday: Give me time.”
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods, Season 1: The Bone Orchard
Tagged: Cheeky, Raunchy, Vulgar, asshole, kindness, joke, Time
“Shadow: Best thing, only good thing about being in prison is the relief. You don't worry if they're going to get you when they already got you. Tomorrow can't do anything today hasn't already managed.

Low Key: Even better with a death sentence. Bang. Worst has already happened. You get a few days to let it sink in, and then you're riding the cart on the way to do your dance on nothing. This country went to hell when they stopped hanging folks. No gallows dirt, no gallows deals.

Shadow: No gallows humor.

Low Key: Yeah. Funniest fucking shit in the world.”
— Shadow Moon, American Gods, Season 1: The Bone Orchard
Tagged: Prison, Punisment, Ironic, Cheeky, Death, humor
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