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Tucker Max Quotes

Total quotes: 10
“I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer.”
— Tucker Max, Assholes Finish First
Tagged: Imagination, Believing lies, Happiness, Illusions
“I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.”
— Tucker Max, Hilarity Ensues
Tagged: Tucker Max Advice, Guy Advice, Relationship Advice
“You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.”
— Tucker Max, Assholes Finish First
Tagged: Comedy Quotes, Tucker Max
“If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.”
— Tucker Max, Assholes Finish First
Tagged: Relationship Advice, Dating Advice, Tucker Max Advice
“If you wear crocs on a first date, she'll excuse herself and never come back.”
— Tucker Max, Mate: Become the Man Women Want
Tagged: Tucker Max Advice, Relationship Advice, Things Not To Do
“She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn’t very good with my dick in her mouth.”
— Tucker Max, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
Tagged: Sluts, Tucker Max Quotes, Relationship Advice, Guy Advice
“If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.”
— Tucker Max, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
Tagged: Tucker Max Advice, Sex, Love, Drunk
“You ever met one of those guys who, in a totally calm and composed way, can scare the shit out of you? Like an MMA fighter, or the fat Kardashian sister who married Lamar Odom?”
— Tucker Max, Sloppy Seconds
Tagged: Tucker Max Quotes, Offensive, Vulgar
“If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.”
— Tucker Max, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Vulgar Quotes
“Here’s to the women we’ve met, and to the women we’ve fucked, And to those amongst us who’ve had no such luck. Here’s to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup, Here’s to pokin’ her in the ass, so she won’t get knocked up. Here’s to all of you, and here’s to me, Together as friends we’ll always be, But if we should ever disagree, Then FUCK ALL OF YOU, HERE’S TO ME!”
— Tucker Max, Sloppy Seconds
Tagged: Toast, Cheers, Tucker Max
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